sobrsstr

I posted last week about my alcoholic sister who lives in another state. We last spoke about 5 weeks ago when she left me a drunk screaming message for me to leave her alone and go back to my perfect life (she does this about 2 x's a year). I didn't call her after the message and she as usual laid low, probably has 2 wks of sobriety and is chosing to call now and wanting unlimited emotional support and cheerleading. The thing is that even sober (she works no program) she is very hard to handle. So the messages started last week: Call 1-Tuesday- a hey how are you message what would you like as a gift for your baby shower. Call #2- Fri- Hi, how are you message. Call #3-Sunday 8:15am- I don't blame you for not calling me back, but please talk to your beloved niece because of X problem since she has such a crazy mother. Call #4 - Today- Just an angry "Whatever" and a hangup.

I keep repeating that I didn't cause, can't control, or cure her drinking. I feel mixed feelings about not calling her back. Guilty, but also relieved that I am not having to get emotionally involved in whatever problem she has currently. I guess I am looking for support that it is okay not to talk with her right now.

sailorjohn

Absolutely! And probably one of the best things you can do for the both of you.

peaceteach

You don't have to listen to the messages either

Barbara52

I found it a wonderful skill to learn how to delete messages before I even listened to them. I will not be a slove to the phone or the answering machine/voice mail. It is sometimes very necessary to my serenity.

sobrsstr

Thanks for the helpful responses. I just spoke to her 20 year old daughter with whom I am very close and she said her mother was complaining that I hadn't returned her call and that I need to get off my high horse (when niece told her I probably wanted an apology). I worry how to explain to my niece why I am not communicating with her, because I don't want niece to feel that she can't talk to me about her feelings toward her mother...or is this just a way for me to stay stuck...not sure.

Barbara52

I find the truth to be the best way to communicate why I am doing or not doing something. Assuming there is a need to explain my actions at all.

LucyA

I've been there, but my nephew is a lot younger than your niece. I was honest with both my brother and my nephew, I told my brother I loved him and would talk to him sober but wouldn't listen to his abuse, and I told my nephew the same.