ElChupacabra

I welched again and had a week long binge last week. I laid in bed for two hours and then had another binge yesterday and man am I tired and exhuasted. I just don't think I can get there. I have already had too many days off through the booze and this withdrawl is the worst one yet. My brain isn't functioning properly, booze or not....its as if I'm now dry drunk. I feel like death warmed up and worse still, I am in the office. I am really not sure what to do and am in a bit of a panic. I know I can't go and drink because if I do I will feel absurdly ill and that will serve no purpose. But, at the same time, I know I can't go on feeling like this. I am shaking terribly, my hands hurt when I type, and feel rather helpless. I must give it up for good but I don't know if I can at the moment. I can't risk my job as the credit crucnh has hit me hard and there is little I can do but work.

Oh why, oh why did I do this to myself.

AlkalikeH

Wow Chupacabras, i hope someone with more experience would be here right now giving you the right advice.

When i dropped the bottle almost one week ago, i had the worst shakes ever. It all got worst when i tried to write some stuff up for a short stories collection on my moleskine and i could not write a THING! the pen and my hand were like inside a blender: worst feeling ever - you need help my friend!

Sending you some strength here.

coffeenut

It CAN be done....it's all in your hands. Take the steps you need too, NOW.

Best wishes to you.

Fubarcdn

Have you seen a doctor about your detox?
After the physical detox is completed you have to want to quit more than anything else.
You have to do it because you want a better life and not just so you won't lose your job.
Maybe you need some face to face support like AA or SOS.
I know you can do it if it is what you really want.
Good luck.

least

Yes you CAN quit drinking for good, but as Fubar said, you have to want to stop drinking more than anything. A medically supervised detox would be a good place to start, so the withdrawal isn't as awful. And a good support group, or an addiction counselor can also be helpful. Please don't give up! You can do this!

SelfSeeking

((Chupa))

I won't repeat what's already been said, it's all good stuff... In the meantime I am thinking of you and I KNOW you have it in you to get well.

PinkClouded

Hangovers suck. I'd rather have a root canal than another hangover. The brightest, shiniest star in my sobriety is that it has permanently cured my hangover problem.

PinkClouded

TRUE!!!!!! You CAN do it.

Anna

You need to know you CAN do it, then you will be able to do it.

It takes a lot of motivation and it takes a lot of focus on recovery.

Have you talked to your dr?

ElChupacabra

Before I always withdrew on the basis that I could lead a normal life and just drink occasionally. That isn't the case now. I have, as of this week, accepted that I cannot do that and I must now decide seriously what I want to do. I think what prompted me to do so was that I spent two weeks without the booze this year, a two year first, and I felt better at the end of those two weeks than I have felt in a long, long time. Of course, I then went and screwed it up by boozing again, intially moderately (thinking I could handle it). I realise now that there is no balance, no moderation. Even a small amount of drinks makes me feel awful. If I am to have the life I desire then I must give it up completely. It's as simple as that.

ElChupacabra

No. I'm scared to talk to my doctor as some while ago I got into a rut with vodka and I put it down to a nervous breakdown, even going back to regular, "normal" drinking thereafter. Ever since I have professed my successful normality. Even though I know it myself I am scared of the "alcoholic" label and the loss of dignity. Silly I know, but there you go.

nickishine

We certainly do not set out to try to destroy ourselves with our addictions! It's gradual, at least for me over the past 2 decades. It progresses and it puts us in a place where we say to ourselves, "How the hell did I get here"? It's the nature of the beast, at least from what I have learned and experienced.

This is the roughest spot you are in right now. The physical and mental a** kicking, but on the bright side - and there is one - it will get better through stringing some sober days along!

Just for today.... don't pick up and give yourself a chance at inner happiness and a LIFE you're so deserving of!!!

:ghug3

mamabin

I wish you luck and peace and hope you get to a better place soon. Listen to the long timers, they know what they are talking about.

AlkalikeH

Hey man, you need to be blunt to your doctor or to any medical professional at this point.

The times that i required medical assistance, i just went "i am a drunk" and that´s it. They need to know exactly what to do to help you out on a crisis or on a short term plan.

After detox then you need to seek your options. I was suggested to go back to meds as i did like 10 years ago: it did not worked then and won´t work now because i have so much going underline and things that i need to resolve through other methods than just numbing. You need to get a grip and give it a stop before it seriously hurts your mental and physical health!

I really don´t like it either, when people just shout things like this.. but you know.. chin up man, there are great things to be had on a sober life and this coming from a guy that is barely on his first sober week after a serious of harsh relapses. I don´t know what is going to happen next but i am choosing that the next new minute i have, to choose being sober. Go ahead and give it a try!

All the best and remember - you are down but still on your feet - you can do it!

gravity

Very similar to my experience.

Despite the years of proof to the contrary, I kept trying to moderate and ended up on my last big bender December 14-16, 2007.

After this bender, the fear & physical sickness was almost unbearable. It was a moment of clarity - 100% certainty that I can't ever moderate my drinking, that I am an alcoholic, that I needed help.

I called AA on December 16, 2007 went to my first meeting on December 17, 2007 and have not had a drink since.

"Force" yourself to make some serious decisions and just do it. Reach out for help - medical, AA, counseling...whatever. Don't let pride, fear or anything stop you.

You don't have to live like this.

Hevyn

I agree with Alka, just be open with your doctor & anyone else you feel should know. It is so freeing to finally surrender. All the deceiving, the lying to yourself, the excuses, the drama of trying to maintain an alcoholic lifestyle - that takes more out of us than we ever realize! Admit you can no longer dance with the devil. I spent over 20 years trying to have "a few". I never did it, not once - and yet I persisted in trying. I would've done anything to hold on to the belief that I could be a social drinker. (I equated being sober with never again having fun or excitement in my life.) It only feels miserable in the beginning, once you're through it, you never have to go back in that hole of despair. You can begin building yourself back up and have the life you always wanted. Yes, you CAN get there!

want2stopnow

It's like I wrote it myself. I am at work and I feel like crap. I can't seem to focus nor concentrate. My production is poor, i might as well stood home. But I have to work. I want to stop drinking so badly but in a couple of days when I'm feeling better, I start to think that I can have a couple and put it down. It never ends that way. I know that my boss and co-workers are starting to wonder that there is something wrong with me. Most Mondays, I call in sick and if the hangover is really bad, even Tuesdays. It's ruining my life, my relationship and now my job. This is so sickening how I am allowing this evil drink to take over my life. I hate it. I need help. I'm hurting physically and emotionally. My hangovers are bruttal but yet I keep doing this to myself.

ElChupacabra

Day 2 and I feel so bad. Past day 2s haven't been like this at all. I mean I am shaking, can't talk properly and so on. I feel so bad that I have had to ask my boss for the afternoon and rest of the week off. I'm in two minds about having a drink in order get me through the commute home and then start on day one again tomorrow and use the five following days. I know that isn't a great idea but I'm worried about having a fit or something on the way home.

least

Please get medical help in detoxing. Please have an honest talk withyour doctor. Don't worry about the loss of dignity in telling him, but worry about the loss of your own life if you don't get help to stop drinking.

:ghug3

Fubarcdn

If it is that bad perhaps you should go to the ER. It is probably not a good idea to drive in the condition you appear to be in. Please let us know hpw you are doing as soon as you get back on the computer. I know this may be hard to believe but we are all truly worried about you and your health. I know that is strange but that is what we do around here.