JenT1968

Whilst talking lots of things through with my counsellor, I am beginning to see that I have a lot of things that I believe in that are very unhelpful, simply untrue, and serve to keep me stuck.

I only recognise them as such because she is skilled in stopping me when I am talking and questioning me about things.
these beliefs have surprised me, lots of them I had no idea that I believed in they were so buried, but they are dictating my surface behaviour.
Others I just assumed that everyone felt the same way or that it was A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT and am really surprised when it isn't LOL

Sometimes I read what people have written on here and I realise that I believe the same things that another poster does.

I thought I'd post some of the beliefs I have/had that have kept /are keeping me stuck,
I'd like to hear yours too

I beleived that in order to leave a relationship I had to be at the point where, physically and mentally, I could take no more. and by that I don't mean depressed, even really depressed, I realise now that I would always have considered it possible to take a bit more, until??? I'm not sure when my limit would have been with this belief.

I believed that I could be happy in the future, but that it took sacrifice in the present to get there. and its always the present isn't it?

I believe (I am trying to work on this so hard, but its almost the very core of who I am) that I am what other people think I am.

I belived that if things were bad right now they would always be awful and always had been, but if they were okay right now, they would always be great and had never been that bad.

I beleive/d that feelings can be wrong (W.I.P.)

I believe/d that I am my thoughts (W.I.P.)

I believe that if something upsets someone else I must not do it (W.I.P.)

I believe(d)(ish) that if someone gets angry
a) bad things happen so
b) I must try and sort it out whether I think I am the cause or not or
c) I have to run like hell

I beleive I am very flawed (W.I.P.)

I believe/d that unless I am perfect I won't be loved. (W.I.P.)

most are works in progress (W.I.P)

GiveLove

This is amazing work, ceridwen. It took me years to get to this point -- I'm in awe!

Once you call something out into the light, and make it a "work in progress," then it can't sit back there in the dark corner and make a mess of your life as easily. It's like you can see your tendencies when they start to rise up, and yell at them, "HEY! I see you! That's about enough of that!"

You're on your way to freedom.

LaTeeDa

These two kept me so stuck for so long. And, they worked together. If I could only somehow reach "perfect" everything would fall into place and life would be good.

I still struggle sometimes with the idea that suffering is a means to an end. Eckhart Tolle says there are only three states of being fully in the present--Acceptance, Enjoyment, or Enthusiasm. Whatever I am doing, if I am not in one of these states, I am either living in the past, or projecting into the future. In other words, not really living.

L

CatsnDogs4Me

Wow - reading that makes me think you read *MY* mind. I share so many of those same beliefs. One of the biggest I'm working on now is realizing that it's OK that I share my feelings, wants and needs with another person, even if telling that person how I feel might make them angry or unhappy. I have to keep telling myself that my feelings, wants and needs are just as important as everyone else's.

Glenna9802

I also believe that I am what other people say I am---tough when you live with someone with the potential for verbal abuse.

timetogo

I have many of these beliefs and they are also a wip for me. I really related to what Anvil said -- controlling was (is -- wip remember!) my life. Everything, always -- it wasn't right unless it was my way. I was not in control of myself unless I was in control of others. I know it was a major contributor to the end of my relationship.

and the number of people that spend their lives dedicated to worrying about ME and what I'M doing and how i'm doing it and WHY would leave room in a phone booth!!!


I LOVED this! It has been a problem of mine for many many years (worrying about what everyone was saying about me or my AH). Anvil, you hit the nail on the head with this one for me.

JenT1968

I also believe that I can't spell, but I might be right there (LOL).

I've been reading LaTeeda's link (the dance of wounded souls, on another thread, thankyou ) and although I'm not getting all of it, or agreeing with all of it there are loads of things on there that do resonate:

for example: The need to be right, because if I'm not, I'm wrong: completely wrong, and that those are the only two choices! This is really part of my core: I have to be blameless, have the moral highground, and in order to do that others have to be wrong...... not because I need to be better than other people per se, but just because I believe I MUSTN'T be wrong, about anything, otherwise I believe I am worthless and have to put up with anything that is thrown at me: wow how ridiculous is that?

this manifests itself in my "one last chance" thinking, I HAVE to be faultlessly "fair" to people no matter how much it hurts me, because I can't bear being to blame. I become engulfed in self-loathing. UGGHH.

I'm laughing at the moment, but gosh there is soooo much work to do.

kj3880

Sometimes being constantly sane and self-aware and making decisions in a sentient present manner can be...well....tiresome! I'm tired. I think I'll take a nap, just for now.

KJ

isitme

It seems I hold many of your same beliefs..



The one I'm having the hardest time with right now is knowing when enough is enough. I keep waiting to hit my bottom and sadly I'm not there yet. Thank You so much for sharing this.. I really need to take my own inventory.. aside from the ones I share with you.