ellima01

been gone from the forum a few days.Wanted to update and share the latest with ah- well, of course bad has become worse and it is all because I don't have the strength to put my foot down or kick him out. Ah is now disappearing almost every night- i am pretty sure smoking crack with a guy he met in a bar. He doesn't call for days- when he does come home he looks like HELL and smells like it. Usually crying- can't talk to him anymore. I did tell him a week ago that his disrespect for me in this house would cease- no more cursing me- ect.. Well so far no cursing- just disappearing. I am so sad. I am trying to get my head straight- but it is so hard. He has called a couple of times "out of courtesy" to me (his words) to let me know he was "to f**ed up to come home.I guess that is one thing I did ask him to do- but he has only done that a couple of times. I guess I should be grateful he is not here in my home doing it- but I am just beside myself with saddness.I have lost 11 lbs in the last 2 weeks- (which is OK- except this is not the way to lose weight) I just don't want to eat. I feel like my whole life is in tumoil and I either don't have the strength or the sense to make a change.
AH has done this once before in our marriage- it did not end well- ended up in jail- maybe I'm hoping if I give him enough rope he'll hang himself. I pray he will get pulled over and go to jail- it might save his life.
On a slightly positive note- I am trying to do things for me- start working out- planning things for the summer- so I am trying. But my heart is so heavy it is hard. Thank you all for being there for me.
maryann

Barbara52

I am sorry life is difficult for you right now. I pray you find your way to a more peaceful place.

GiveLove

It's hard to make a change in our lives sometimes......even when that change will make us far happier than we are. I hope some day you're able to decide that you deserve better than this, and set some boundaries around this terrible behavior. Please be sure to protect yourself, and (sorry to be so blunt) get checked for STDs. Wishing you the best.

Daisy30

How about not being there when he gets back from his next binge?

Remember nothing changes if nothing changes

Have you been to al anon? Please take care of you!

bearfeet

Ellima01, I know how sick and angst filled you are feeling, I don't think I was even 'lucky' enough to get the couresty calls when me and XA were together.

I know it feels impossible to do anything (eat, sleep, function) whilst you are in that cloud of pain just waiting and waiting and then the trauma when he does arrive.

I'd say I wouldn't ever go back to that myself but a small part of me probably would if the opportunity was presented to me in the right light.

Just do your best to look after yourself, day will become night and he will continue to do what he wants regardless, strengthen yourself in whatever way you need to whilst he is gone and when he returns.

Look at the good things you have around you and immerse yourself in that. I have no specific advice for you I'm sorry but lots and lots of understanding.

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