Glenna9802

I hope this makes sense, because it's kind of hard to put into words.

I've been feeling some changes in myself in the last few days. Maybe it's the nicotine patch (LOL).

I've only been going to Al-Anon for 3 weeks, but I feel these little moments of peace and clarity mixed in with all the anxiousness and depression and dread that I have felt for a long time. I don't want to make it sound like I think I'm "cured" by any means, and I try very hard to accept the peace when it comes and not be disappointed when it goes away.

Here's what I have done differently. Gone to Al-Anon at least twice a week (when I can afford the gas). Gotten a sponsor. Read from Courage to Change every day, but only for the current date because I don't want to overwhelm myself. Stopped drinking alcohol (2 weeks 1 day). Stopped smoking cigarettes (yesterday). Started to talk to HP a little bit.

This might sound weird, but right now I don't hate myself as much as I normally do. I might be a little bit proud of myself at times lately. I have made some attempts to take care of my physical and mental health, which I didn't feel I deserved before.

I was never really a non-believer in a Higher Power, but the distance between us has been huge for the last 3-4 years. However, I feel that gap starting to close.

I know I have a lot of work to do and really look forward to it. I'm actually even afraid to write this for fear I might jinx myself (LOL). But I feel my heart and mind open for the first time in years, and I think it's Al-Anon.

So many of us post here who are just lost and don't know what to do anymore. We hate ourselves and have been told a million times that we are worthless and believe it. To all of us, I would say PLEASE go to Al-Anon. It is your best hope (along with SR). I didn't feel like a changed person after my first or even fifth meeting, but somewhere along the way something stuck and I started noticing a difference. Recovery for ourselves is possible.

Thanks, and hope I didn't ramble.

GiveLove

Way to go, Glenna!

Bernadette

This might sound weird, but right now I don't hate myself as much as I normally do. I might be a little bit proud of myself at times lately. I have made some attempts to take care of my physical and mental health, which I didn't feel I deserved before.

YOU ROCK!!!

You can't jinx it-- there's no need for superstition! AlAnon helped to keep me firmly in reality, firmly in today! I'm glad you're finding it so helpful-- it was the same for me - it really turned my head around.

Good luck glenna - keep on keepin on!
peace-
B

Chrysalis123

Daisy30

It works if you work it!!!!!!!

Yeah you! I know I feel better just getting my car and driving to a meeting

LarryATL

Wow that's terrific progress for just three weeks! Great job! You'll have slips along the way but you've gotten of to a great start. I struggled at first doing things for myself, as it seemed "selfish", but I learned in Alanon that it's better thought of as "Self care" and is critical to our peace, health, and serenity.

Larry

DesertEyes

That's awesome Glenna, congratulations.

and yes, that's the way it was for me too. I just felt little moments of "serenity" that would pop out of nowhere. The more I got involved in recovery, the more moments I would have, and little by little my whole outlook on life changed. I am still me, but my _reactions_ to life and all the "stuff" it throws at me have become so much healthier, so much more positive and productive.

Good for you getting to al-anon and thank you so much for coming back to share that with us.

Mike

Glenna9802

Yes, I notice that just the way I approach the day is starting to change. I used to wake up and curl into a tight ball of anxiety and worry. I still have my moments of being tense during the day, but not like that anymore and they pass.

I went to the greatest meeting last night. It was very intense, full of tears and laughter, and for the first time I felt like things were clicking. I got a lot out of it. I went with my new sponsor, who is turning out to be the coolest lady ever. It is amazing to me that, despite the horrific things she has been through in her life, she is so healthy with a huge heart and willing to reach out and share what she has learned. She is so special to me, and I told her that after the meeting.

BTW, I'm still alcohol and tobacco free. Thank you Al-Anon, I am grateful. I'm grateful for all of you as well.

Freedom1990

It's good to hear your progress, Glenna! It also sounds like things worked out just as they should when the first gal was too busy to sponsor you, and look at the sponsor you have now! :ghug :ghug

Glenna9802

Yes, this is the perfect sponsor for me. It happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen. I'm using this approach with the meeting AH and I have with the rehab center tomorrow at 11am. If it is supposed to happen, it will happen. The willingness of AH and the timing seem to be falling into place. It's just the financial aspect that is the concern at this point, but I know I have to turn it over and am just doing what my sponsor said--saying the Serenity Prayer whenever I start to get anxious.

There were some words at last night's meeting about being humble and not trying to control everything--really a first for me (lol), but I'm working on it.

escape artist

we knew you could do it!!! i know what that selfish vs taking care of me feels like too. i read somewhere maybe in one of the little al-anon books about learning how to take care of me from the way the A does. As selfish and self centered as many seem to be, i did look at the way they took care of themselves and learned how to do some of that for myself (although i did not resort to protecting my "toxic stash"!) for as self-less as most codies are is offset by the A's self-ish ness. and funny when they start calling us selfish! hahahahahaha.