AlkalikeH

... and did not touched a drop of alcohol!

1.Some friends were throwing a HUGE party and me being part of the guest could drank as much as i wanted to. I know that it was really stupid to throw myself into that sort of situations being on my 5th day and i have read here on the danger of hanging out in places were you have to purchase your booze, so the hazard folded more than ten times!

The guys that organized it came to pick me up to grab a quick bite. I had some coffee (i cannot kick that one out!) and we headed to the party. It was massive! and the amount of booze in store was impressive, and it was all free and available. I must admit that i felt dizzy at first, i did not new how i was to respond to that... but the main reason that i did it because my mayor trigger to start drinking is loneliness .. and if i was to stay at home alone trying to catch a sh***y movie on t.v or anything else the cravings would have been almost unbareable... so i gave it a shot and hope for the best... again, i would not recommend it to anyone.. still..

But the discomfort and dizziness disappeared when i saw all my friends around me, and all the girls, and the crowd.. and the laughter and of course their once-in-a-while drunkness of my friends... i had absolutely NO CRAVINGS AT ALL.. and i had rows of huge beer glasses standing in front of me... i had an absolutely great time, i let all my friends know that i am not drinking and they supported me and took care of me all night.. i had a few cans of tonic water (which i also read that can relate to the drinking habits... but did nothing for me.. for example my top choice drink was always Vodka 7 and i can drink Seven Up or Sprite without any issues) and a couple of cheap cigars.... it was really fun and proved that through self-love and the love of others things can be still fun without alcohol!

So i came home alone, as usual.. but sober, took a shower, catched an Ingmar Bergman movie on the telly and went to sleep...

2. Now.. a whole different thing is waking up alone on a Sunday.. my routine was always just start drinking as soon as possible to chase away the loneliness... it never worked but well... gave me a mayor craving that i am still fighting...

So send some strength and thanks for letting me share!!!

:ghug

Fubarcdn

Way to go A. You are an inspiration.
I haven't had much of a problem avoiding the $7 beers because I am cheap by my very nature but skipping on the free ones would be much more difficult.
I think we come to believe that we are a lot more personable when we drink but the actuality of it is we probably aren't.
I am glad you had fun without it.
You can resist today if you can make it through that and it is better to come home alone than come home with a butter girl.

robc

That is awesome. Back in December I had my first liver scare so I decided to stop drinking for a while. I went on a ski trip with some friends and we went out a few nights. Every night we went out, my friends got hammered and one of them kept trying to get me to drink. I did not drink that entire trip, but I was totally miserable hanging out with people that were drinking. I can't stand to be around people that are drinking when I am not. I can't stand to be around drunk people when I am sober.

I was talking to a friend yesterday that ran into two girls we used to know in high school. They want to get together for dinner. I said yes to him yesterday, but after thinking about it I will decline. I know they will be drinking and I think the atmosphere would be too tempting.

nickishine

YEAH!!!

A SOBER VICTORY!!!!

:ghug3

AlkalikeH

LOL! yeah, come to think of it that is worst than going home alone!

Hey Fub! Thanks for the support! Glad that you found a bit of inspiration from it.

I usually refrained myself in the past when i was not drinking due to what you pointed out:
thinking that we cannot perform socially without the bottle,
that we will not be our fun, enjoyable selves. I found out that is absolute BS
last night! I risked my sobriety, i right now could be still on a binge, but now
i have a little bit of more knowledge about myself, drinking a glass of water

Hope you are having a nice and quiet sober Sunday!

:ghug3

AlkalikeH

Thanks Sandy! Seven weeks is HUGE! Congrats!

No biggie, you will master it someday, there is no rush!

I did had times in the past were i did not wanted to drink, but
i went out anyway and ended up trashing the whole place,
absolutely gin-soaked! It´s just a matter of self-knowledge.
I am extremely weak i must confess, but last night i gained a little power

Hugs!

xym297

I don't know if I could handle an open bar party, maybe an hour then time to leave so well done. I've spent the weekend with my sister, her kids and recovering alcoholics, safer that way for me.
Well Done and I'm still a day behind, hope you're sleeping beter!

AlkalikeH

Hey Xym, hope you are doing great mate!

It was sort of a risk i had to take, i need to identify every trigger.
I gambled it, i could be dead drunk tonight.
But it went extremely well!

Great to hear you spent some quality time with the family.
Wish i could say the same.
And thanks! last night´s sleep really well!

Keep up the good fight and keep posting any updates on you!

:ghug3

sailorjohn

Well, I would congratulate you, but if you were an addict whose doc was crack cocaine I wouldn't be advising you to hang out at crack houses with your old using buddies.

Like the old timer told me once, "hang out in the whorehouse often enough and you'll end up getting your **** wet" Good luck.

AlkalikeH

Thanks for the kind words and best to luck to you too!

I never intended this to sound like and advice or anything, i remarked that was prolly even stupid to try, but i had to do it.

Tried and relapsed bad doing the same thing each time on the past six months that if i was to relapse again through it, i would have been another "no" for the book.

Just personal experience! And on another personal note:

i never stayed more than an hour on a whorehouse and i never left my wallet out of sight

serenityqueen

I am glad you didn't drink, but WHY??????? I just don't understand why anyone, in early Recovery to boot, would go somewhere that alcohol was as available as oxygen?

I know all about lonliness, it's a huge trigger for me too as I imagine alot of others. But I had to find other ways to avoid lonliness a long, long time ago. Not to be sounding sarcastic, but there isn't going to be a party like this every weekend! And look, you said you were lonley when you woke up.

You know, half the reason I go to Meetings is because I now have yet another Family in the Fellowship. There are lots of things going on in AA and with summer coming up, you could have something on your calendar every single weekend . . if you choose to.

My very first event in AA I went to was a New Year's Eve Dance many years ago. I was actually on day 2, so you can imagine how shaky I was, wanting so bad to go out drinking with my so called buddies, getting trashed like I did every other New Year's Eve, or any Eve to be honest. I didn't need a holiday to get trashed. I went to this Dance, alone! I had a friend drop me off on her way to the bar and I had no idea how I was going to get home. But I really didn't want to ring in yet another New Year without remembering anything I did, said, . . .I knew I needed a change. I had the most fun at this Dance! Within 10 minutes, I had been invited to several different tables, was introduced around to the point of almost feeling dizzy, had several different invites to breakfast at just about every restaurant in town already at that point. I hadn't even opened a can of Diet Pepsi yet! I asked one woman who really took me under her wing what end of town she lived in and before I could tell her where I lived and that I was going to need to find a ride home, she offered to take me. . . and she had no idea where I lived! It was great watching people dance who, even if they couldn't dance just didn't care if they looked silly or not and it wasn't because they were drunk. They were at peace with who they were, had fun and were themselves. I even got up and danced and it usually took a whole lot of alcohol to get this woman to get up and shake her bootay!

Plan things to do each weekend. Use some of the money you are saving and catch the early Matinee on Sunday. You mentioned watching movies, catch the new ones!

With nice weather just around the corner, how about getting a dog! Women just love a man walking his dog. Is there a dog park around you? A dog would also give you the companionship, unconditional love. You wouldn't wake up alone anymore! lol

I am glad you didn't drink but please, don't tempt yourself again like this.

Hugs,
Judy

AlkalikeH

Absolutely awesome post Judy, and thanks for sharing and caring!

I have been reading your posts in the past days and all are so insightful, hearth felt and centered that is a pleasure reading your input, glad you made it to my thread.

I don´t have any drinking buddies. All my friends are regular once-in-a-blue-moon weekend warriors (they are married, dating seriously, etc) or they don´t drink at all. I got rid of the fake ones a billion years ago when i kicked all drugs out of my life (meaning cocaine, etc) - so of course i am on my way on meeting more sober, interesting people to hang around with and fill my weekends with! I am considering AA and other options, of course. So far SR has been an invaluable resource for me, as i assume for many many many others here.

It is absolutely moving that you have reached to me and i will hold your last line of your post with me. From the bottom of my hard living heart, again, THANKS!

AlkalikeH

Thanks to you Sandy - i have been enjoying your input and your sharing all around the board and i hope to see more of you around SR too : )

And yes, we need to relate to our environment in a different way, there are
things that others might tell you that they represent danger, then well you
might as well go find it out for yourself and create your self-made system.

The basics are there: support and love. Then we all go from there.

This takes me to a Cheap Trick song (Kurt Cobain´s favorite - if anyone cares) that goes:

"I am gonna live on a mountain
Way down under in Australia.
Its either that or suicide"

Is a drastic point of view that does not work. And we cannot assume that the standart "chance of scenario" or "getting rid of" is always the best bet. It sure does help, but then is always back to ourselves. We need to change ourselves first and find reconnection. I believe in that, and f**k me sideways, but i might have been less than 60 posts on SR but i have a f****ng lifetime of dealing with life itself

All the best for you and a hug!

sfgirl

I can't believe you put yourself at an open bar five days in, that seriously used to be my idea of heaven, like what I lived for, and props for not drinking. When I first read your post this section that I quoted above really stood out to me. It reminded me of something that (and this is going to seem silly to quote but I actually think it is one of the most brilliant descriptors ever) Andy Dick said on Sober House, the tv show. He said that basically for twenty years he went out every night because he felt "squirrelly"— that anxious, get out of your skin, try to escape yourself, type of feeling. About half the people at the sober house are also going out every night to these night clubs in Hollywood with booze and drugs all around, and Andy Dick is like it is just because they feel so squirrelly. But he chooses to stay at the house and sit with that squirrelly feeling with the support of the fellow members and other coping mechanisms.

I used to feel that way too, all the time. I used to go out all the time. I needed to go out. Even when I tried to control my drinking and would have days where I didn't drink I had this itchiness to go out and be in dark bars surrounded by relative strangers and loud noise sort of to feel more of a part. I felt squirrelly. Now, in recovery, most often I am at home alone at night. Now I am so used to it, it is hard to get me out of the house. Sometimes I walk the dog and I take a drawing class but I spend a lot of time alone and over time that squirrelly feeling has gone away. So I guess my real point here is that I think a really important part of recovery is learning to bear and sit with that loneliness.