Daisy30

As many of you know AH and I are recently seperated.

I am trying to figure out what I want here. One day I am invisioning my life w/o him the next I wonder what it will be like if we get back together.

So today he calls me and asks me if I want to go to a movie with him tomorrow or Monday. I said yes, because I would like to go to a movie with him.

BUT then I tried to call him later on today b/c I wanted to pick up the video camera (he had taped older dd preforming, I had to miss it b/c ds was sick). He didn't answer so I went to the house anyway to pick up the camera. There were a few beer bottles left out and a case on the floor.

I don't know why this changes how I feel about going to a movie with him, but it does.

I don't expect him to be sober.

I guess I need to search to find out what my HP is telling me. Maybe I need to postpone the "date".

justtired

Hi Daisy - Have you tried going no-contact with him at all? It's so hard to figure out how we really feel when we see them or talk to them and they "get in our heads". When I'm not around my abf I think I "know" that i want to leave. But then when I get back home and we have a good day, I question again. Maybe if you go for a period without talking to him, you would be able to think more clearly?

MissFixit

Daisy,

IMHO, you are seeing what he really is when you drop by unannounced to pick up the camera, and sounds like you don't like what you see. Seems like he hasn't changed and the bottles are facts about that.

Sometimes when we don't see them and they act nice or polite, we forget the reality of what active A's do. Sounds like you had a wake up call to his behavior.

Take care and choose what is best for you in the long run.

timetogo

I agree with the above posts. When my AH was living here (he's only been gone a week), we were basically having no contact. But he was still very much in my head. He still is but it will fade -- there are longer moments during the day that I don't think of him. I want to go no contact (as much as possible -- is hard when you have kids). But, for example, he is coming here today to fix my truck. I know he will be "in my head" for a while after that. Seeing him is difficult -- he doesn't look good. I chose not to go to his house because I don't want to see how he is living or know that he is drinking. I just don't want to know.

I expect I would find what you did and I'm just better off not knowing that.

I am trying to figure out what I want here. One day I am invisioning my life w/o him the next I wonder what it will be like if we get back together.


I think it comes done to what YOU want for your life. And what's good for you and your kids. Right now, for me, I'm not sure what that is but I know I don't want to live with the effects of drugs and alcohol any more. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

take care
Laurie

Daisy30

Yah, it has definately been nice not having a front row seat to his disease.

I am not sure how I would go no contact with him since we have 3 kids, but I do limit myself and try not to call him.

It definately was a reminder of why I left.

I know I choose to be where I am right now. Sometimes I feel in "limbo". But I know that is my choosing. I guess this is a process and my HP will let me know what I need. I know I have to keep turning it over to God.

I was thinking of asking him to go to an open meeting tonight instead of the movie.


ETA:


I agree whole heartedly! That is why I moved out. I gues I am trying to figure out where I go from here.

Daisy30

***********************UPDATE********************* *****



I can't believe it...I just now realized he never called for us to do something tonight!

YEAH ME!!!!