Wayward AD Back in Rehab
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 89
Wayward AD Back in Rehab
She has only been home for seven weeks but I took my daughter back to rehab this morning.
She left rehab with her recovery plan and nearly immediately started hanging out with her old crowd of drug users. She struggled, she went to meetings, I heard that she even shared at one for the first time, but she did the things she shouldn't, she hung with the old crowd. Last weekend was wonderful, she was home, didn't hang with the drug gang, I had my daughter back for two days. On Monday of this week, I came home at lunch to find a gf whom I had told her was not allowed in the house ever. By Thursday, I found rolled up paper and white residue in her room. I took it to the police station for testing and it was positive for cocaine. My AD insisted it was from before. She had found it in a drawer. I asked her then to prove it by taking a urine drug test. She was reluctant but complied. It was positive for cocaine. She then had choices .... rehab, out patient treatment with meetings, or daily drug tests at home and meetings. If she chose none then she had to leave. She chose rehab.
It is heartbreaking to take her there again. She tried to negotiate out of it the first hour of the drive and accepted her fate the last hour. She was crying that she will miss her cat. I was inwardly crying that I missed the drug-free daughter that I haven't seen in years. I told her there are consequences to her behavior and the cat was just one.
I don't think she can return here after rehab and am thinking she needs to go to clean and sober living after. I don't think our insurance will pay the rehab cost this time so I am out of pocket lots. She is more important than money. Sometimes I think my Ad's HP is out smoking a cigarette!
I don't understand the pull of a drug as I don't have that issue. I did ,however, watch my mother-in-law die from years of abuse of Rx pain meds and alchohol. If I had known that I would have a child with her grandmoter's addiciton problem, I would never have had children. I pray that I don't watch my daughter die slowly over the years as well.
She left rehab with her recovery plan and nearly immediately started hanging out with her old crowd of drug users. She struggled, she went to meetings, I heard that she even shared at one for the first time, but she did the things she shouldn't, she hung with the old crowd. Last weekend was wonderful, she was home, didn't hang with the drug gang, I had my daughter back for two days. On Monday of this week, I came home at lunch to find a gf whom I had told her was not allowed in the house ever. By Thursday, I found rolled up paper and white residue in her room. I took it to the police station for testing and it was positive for cocaine. My AD insisted it was from before. She had found it in a drawer. I asked her then to prove it by taking a urine drug test. She was reluctant but complied. It was positive for cocaine. She then had choices .... rehab, out patient treatment with meetings, or daily drug tests at home and meetings. If she chose none then she had to leave. She chose rehab.
It is heartbreaking to take her there again. She tried to negotiate out of it the first hour of the drive and accepted her fate the last hour. She was crying that she will miss her cat. I was inwardly crying that I missed the drug-free daughter that I haven't seen in years. I told her there are consequences to her behavior and the cat was just one.
I don't think she can return here after rehab and am thinking she needs to go to clean and sober living after. I don't think our insurance will pay the rehab cost this time so I am out of pocket lots. She is more important than money. Sometimes I think my Ad's HP is out smoking a cigarette!
I don't understand the pull of a drug as I don't have that issue. I did ,however, watch my mother-in-law die from years of abuse of Rx pain meds and alchohol. If I had known that I would have a child with her grandmoter's addiciton problem, I would never have had children. I pray that I don't watch my daughter die slowly over the years as well.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Marlie))) - I'm glad she is back in rehab. I hope this will give you both some time to work on your own recoveries. Knowing she is safe, I hope, can help you to breathe a little bit easier.
I know it's hard to understand the pull of the drugs, if you aren't an addict. I AM one, and I still can't believe the things I did when I was active. However, we can find recovery, and I'm hoping she has hit her bottom and she truly wants it.
I also understand about her and the cat. It may sound superficial to her, but we pretty much take our families love for granted..we KNOW they are going to love us, even when we screw up. Our cats (or dogs)....well, they just don't understand when we take off. For me, my cats have been a part of my recovery. I let down the cats I had when I was using...can't undo it. However, I CAN make sure I never do it again, with my furbabies now.
I know that doesn't sound like much of a reason to stay clean, but it's just one of the many reasons I've found to stay in recovery. The unconditional love of a furbaby, who doesn't HAVE to love you, is pretty comforting. It's one of my blessings of recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I know it's hard to understand the pull of the drugs, if you aren't an addict. I AM one, and I still can't believe the things I did when I was active. However, we can find recovery, and I'm hoping she has hit her bottom and she truly wants it.
I also understand about her and the cat. It may sound superficial to her, but we pretty much take our families love for granted..we KNOW they are going to love us, even when we screw up. Our cats (or dogs)....well, they just don't understand when we take off. For me, my cats have been a part of my recovery. I let down the cats I had when I was using...can't undo it. However, I CAN make sure I never do it again, with my furbabies now.
I know that doesn't sound like much of a reason to stay clean, but it's just one of the many reasons I've found to stay in recovery. The unconditional love of a furbaby, who doesn't HAVE to love you, is pretty comforting. It's one of my blessings of recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
The fact that she chose to go back to rehab is a good thing. Sometimes it takes multiple tries before they finally get it and even then it is still a struggle to stay clean. My daughter is having a bad time right now. Not sure if it is stress, PAWS or pms, but she realizes it is her problem and hers to solve. In the past she would have just used. But now she has the awareness that she needs to take better care of herself if she wants to feel better. I do believe that your daughter will get it eventually. And each time she gets some clean time, it makes it harder to go back to using. Take this time for you now and get to some meetings and get some face to face support. Hugs and prayers for you and your daughter. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
It sounds like she made the best choice, given her options.
It took my daughter 3-4 months to jump back in, after rehab, last year.
I found tiny zip lock bags with a powdery residue and learned that they contained her DOC, heroin.
By this point, I had already spent a fortune on rehabs, MDs, therapists, and a plethora of prescription drugs for all her diagnosed disorders. A hospital detox alone was going to cost $5,000, out of pocket. And I had had enough of it all.
So I gave her the choice, become homeless or get and stay clean. She decided on the latter and detoxed herself at home, quite an ordeal. I did not nurse or tend to her. She did it on her own.
It's been 6 months. She is back in school, a local community college and has remained clean.
During this same 6 months every one of her drug buddies has since died or gone to prison, including a 19 year old girl who overdosed and died within hours of retuning home from rehab.
Just for today, I remain grateful that my daughter has chosen to make a better choice for herself. I am grateful, beyond words, to this forum which taught me to stop awfulizing the future. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Let's hope all of our children make better choices.
It took my daughter 3-4 months to jump back in, after rehab, last year.
I found tiny zip lock bags with a powdery residue and learned that they contained her DOC, heroin.
By this point, I had already spent a fortune on rehabs, MDs, therapists, and a plethora of prescription drugs for all her diagnosed disorders. A hospital detox alone was going to cost $5,000, out of pocket. And I had had enough of it all.
So I gave her the choice, become homeless or get and stay clean. She decided on the latter and detoxed herself at home, quite an ordeal. I did not nurse or tend to her. She did it on her own.
It's been 6 months. She is back in school, a local community college and has remained clean.
During this same 6 months every one of her drug buddies has since died or gone to prison, including a 19 year old girl who overdosed and died within hours of retuning home from rehab.
Just for today, I remain grateful that my daughter has chosen to make a better choice for herself. I am grateful, beyond words, to this forum which taught me to stop awfulizing the future. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Let's hope all of our children make better choices.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 89
I know I have 30 days to decide but I don't know what is best when her current rehab is over. I know that the rehab counselors will recommend a clean and sober living environment. I will go that route if that is the best thing for my AD. Is it best that she get away from her current home since she obviously can't stay away from the old drug crowd? Or should she learn to cope with her problems at home?
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
my heart goes out to you. i know the ups & downs. my son is my addict & he is or would be using it he was not in prison. i will never give up hope on him, he started using at 21. he is 37 but still my baby. read everything you can. stay with us, go to meetings. learn to take care of yourself. if she is ready she will stay clean, if not she will come home & use again. my son never learned how to live with outside the drug. i hope your daughter does. i spent 10,ooo"S$$$$$$ on him. it did not make a difference. he was not ready. the drug is a powerful thing. i will say a prayer for your daughter & for you. miracles happen every day. do not give up hope. hugs,
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Marlie, Absolutely do not give up hope. Give it a rest for the next 30 days, breathe, relax, keep coming here, and go to f2f meetings.
I agree with Marle, each time she gets clean time she is getting closer to recovery.
Hugs & Prayers coming you way, for both you & your daughter.
Chris
I agree with Marle, each time she gets clean time she is getting closer to recovery.
Hugs & Prayers coming you way, for both you & your daughter.
Chris
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 89
When I showed her the drug stuff that I found in her room, she protested a bit saying it was from long ago. But the usual fight that she has in her wasn't there. She didn't resist like she used to and react with the fight that she used to have when caught. She used to stomp around the house denying, throwing a child-like tantrum. Even when the urine test showed drug use, she just quietly said the test was wrong. It wasn't. When I took her to rehab today, she acted defeated. The fight that she used to put up denying that she had a problem wasn't there. Even though the last time she requested to go to rehab, she spent a day there screaming that she didn't belong there and was not as bad as THOSE other people there. YOu had to admire the energy that the tantrum took.
You guys are great! I am so glad I found you.
She is very upset about leaving her cat. Thank you Impurrfect for telling me that they keep you clean. The last time she was in rehab the cat, although so obviously happy she was home, didn't resume sleeping on top of my AD all night for a month. My AD couldn't stop talking about how her cat will be upset. The next time that I see her, I will mention that maybe it is time that she stops disappointing her cat. That she stay clean for that darn cat.
After I get over my usual sadness at my AD's situation; It takes about a day. I will enjoy the remaining 29 days. I will take care of myself, keep coming here (it helps), find meetings that I can attend, and spoil myself rotten. Unfortunately, I can't shop as this stint in rehap will be over 10K. I hope she gets it right this time. I am gonna tell her that after this time, if she doesn't stay clean, she is on the street.
You guys are great! I am so glad I found you.
She is very upset about leaving her cat. Thank you Impurrfect for telling me that they keep you clean. The last time she was in rehab the cat, although so obviously happy she was home, didn't resume sleeping on top of my AD all night for a month. My AD couldn't stop talking about how her cat will be upset. The next time that I see her, I will mention that maybe it is time that she stops disappointing her cat. That she stay clean for that darn cat.
After I get over my usual sadness at my AD's situation; It takes about a day. I will enjoy the remaining 29 days. I will take care of myself, keep coming here (it helps), find meetings that I can attend, and spoil myself rotten. Unfortunately, I can't shop as this stint in rehap will be over 10K. I hope she gets it right this time. I am gonna tell her that after this time, if she doesn't stay clean, she is on the street.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Originally Posted by Marlie 
I know I have 30 days to decide but I don't know what is best when her current rehab is over. I know that the rehab counselors will recommend a clean and sober living environment. I will go that route if that is the best thing for my AD. Is it best that she get away from her current home since she obviously can't stay away from the old drug crowd? Or should she learn to cope with her problems at home?
If a concern is expense (when isn't it?) there are halfway houses that are quite reasonable, such as Oxford Houses (they are nationwide and have a website if you want to read about them) These homes basically just split the costs of living there and require meeting attendance and group meetings. They usually require the recoving addict to obtain a job within a certain number of weeks. We had agreed to pay the first couple of weeks and then my daughter would be working and paying her own way. That's all part of recovery.
Hope you can take this time to work your own recovery. I found the more i focused on mine, the better for me and my child. Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
So sorry to hear about the relapse with your daughter, but so thankful she is back in rehab.
About our question about whether she should get away or could she do it at home, well, no one knows the answer. I do know that for my AD she definitely had to change her playground and her playmates and the only way she could do that was by moving. But her 2nd round in rehab helped with that as it was 500 miles from where we lives. And after she did her 3 months in rehab, she was in a halfway house for a year. I am convinced she had to have that much time in a dedicated site for recovery away from the old friends and places.
I do hope you will find some meetings. Best thing you can do for yourself right now is get help for YOU, learn about you and how you can better handle the situation to make your life more peaceful. I am so grateful I added meetings to my life and will never stop going if I have anything to do with it.
Keeping you and your daughter in my prayers cause I know how all this feels with an AD.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
About our question about whether she should get away or could she do it at home, well, no one knows the answer. I do know that for my AD she definitely had to change her playground and her playmates and the only way she could do that was by moving. But her 2nd round in rehab helped with that as it was 500 miles from where we lives. And after she did her 3 months in rehab, she was in a halfway house for a year. I am convinced she had to have that much time in a dedicated site for recovery away from the old friends and places.
I do hope you will find some meetings. Best thing you can do for yourself right now is get help for YOU, learn about you and how you can better handle the situation to make your life more peaceful. I am so grateful I added meetings to my life and will never stop going if I have anything to do with it.
Keeping you and your daughter in my prayers cause I know how all this feels with an AD.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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