The Quiet Joy through the Sorrow
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
The Quiet Joy through the Sorrow
Hello SR family and friends,
I thought I'd post this thread because of the outpouring of love, concern, support and prayers I received from you all over the past couple of days.
Thank you!
Yesterday was absolutely surreal! I woke up and tears streamed down my face. As I looked outside, it was snowing lightly and felt that Noah was right here with me. He was my "Lil Snowman"... my "Snows"....
Through the unfolding of the day, I was enveloped with a peace that I never truly experienced through such sorrow. It was a "knowing" that all is okay, that he is "perfectly okay", that my honoring my pain was okay....
With how smoothe and easy all the events played out yesterday, I felt God's kindness, His gentleless... never leaving me even for a moment! The people that I was in contact with were touched and loving by my (our) story... without pity... without akwardness.... just care and love.
My daughter had to work and couldn't be physically "with us", my 20 y/o son and me as we were to let off the balloons with love letters on them this year. That's okay... she WAS with us anyway. When my son and I walked to the end of the pier to say a prayer and let the balloons go... the sun broke over the lake... It was like a canvas being re-created just for us at that moment. Blue sky emerged, the wind picked-up and I asked my son if he wanted to let his balloons go one-by-one or altogether... He said altogether and I said "me too". We watched as the wind rapidly took them far from us in a minute flat. We could see the Yellow Smiley Face balloon the longest (I thought of you guys here )... Going back to my truck there was a text from my daughter saying she was right there with us... She just seemed to know the exact when and where - at that moment.
There are so many small details of yesterday that I'll never forget... Like when we picked up the balloons and I was writing my love letters on them, how my son held the balloons as I wrote.... Tears streaming down my face silently and looking at him with so much love and pride. He looked so beautiful! He IS beautiful inside and out! The comfort in a glance, the soft touch full of love and strength through a hug... many hugs yesterday!!! The joy in the pain that runs so deep... was amazing!
I am sober. I honored my lil boy sober and was able to "celebrate" the short life that I (we) had with him. 10 days ago I couldn't/wouldn't have done this... not like this! I wouldn't have experienced anything akin to joy, of beauty, of peace, of pure innocent love! Sobriety is an amazing thing that I truly want ever-present in my life!
For all of you inspired and touched by my story.... I encourage you to trust in a new life through living clean and sober... There's no EASY or SOFT way to make years of abuse cushioney while we "learn" a new way of living. But, the rewards ARE there! They WILL be there... through the process of honoring yourself sober... Living and feeling...even through the pain! WE can't do this all on our own, and we are not supposed to! If I didn't have a relationship with God, with all ya all, with my family and supportive friends... there's just NO way I could have made it through yesterday as I had! WE need eachother so desperately. Open yourself up to receive what you need for today, then give it back to that next person that is grieving... that is hopeless and wanting to give-up today. It's a circle that has to be constantly moving for us, with us, in us!
Love to you all! And, THANK YOU!!!
:ghug
:ghug
I thought I'd post this thread because of the outpouring of love, concern, support and prayers I received from you all over the past couple of days.
Thank you!Yesterday was absolutely surreal! I woke up and tears streamed down my face. As I looked outside, it was snowing lightly and felt that Noah was right here with me. He was my "Lil Snowman"... my "Snows"....
Through the unfolding of the day, I was enveloped with a peace that I never truly experienced through such sorrow. It was a "knowing" that all is okay, that he is "perfectly okay", that my honoring my pain was okay....
With how smoothe and easy all the events played out yesterday, I felt God's kindness, His gentleless... never leaving me even for a moment! The people that I was in contact with were touched and loving by my (our) story... without pity... without akwardness.... just care and love.
My daughter had to work and couldn't be physically "with us", my 20 y/o son and me as we were to let off the balloons with love letters on them this year. That's okay... she WAS with us anyway. When my son and I walked to the end of the pier to say a prayer and let the balloons go... the sun broke over the lake... It was like a canvas being re-created just for us at that moment. Blue sky emerged, the wind picked-up and I asked my son if he wanted to let his balloons go one-by-one or altogether... He said altogether and I said "me too". We watched as the wind rapidly took them far from us in a minute flat. We could see the Yellow Smiley Face balloon the longest (I thought of you guys here
)... Going back to my truck there was a text from my daughter saying she was right there with us... She just seemed to know the exact when and where - at that moment. There are so many small details of yesterday that I'll never forget... Like when we picked up the balloons and I was writing my love letters on them, how my son held the balloons as I wrote.... Tears streaming down my face silently and looking at him with so much love and pride. He looked so beautiful! He IS beautiful inside and out! The comfort in a glance, the soft touch full of love and strength through a hug... many hugs yesterday!!! The joy in the pain that runs so deep... was amazing!
I am sober. I honored my lil boy sober and was able to "celebrate" the short life that I (we) had with him. 10 days ago I couldn't/wouldn't have done this... not like this! I wouldn't have experienced anything akin to joy, of beauty, of peace, of pure innocent love! Sobriety is an amazing thing that I truly want ever-present in my life!
For all of you inspired and touched by my story.... I encourage you to trust in a new life through living clean and sober... There's no EASY or SOFT way to make years of abuse cushioney while we "learn" a new way of living. But, the rewards ARE there! They WILL be there... through the process of honoring yourself sober... Living and feeling...even through the pain! WE can't do this all on our own, and we are not supposed to! If I didn't have a relationship with God, with all ya all, with my family and supportive friends... there's just NO way I could have made it through yesterday as I had! WE need eachother so desperately. Open yourself up to receive what you need for today, then give it back to that next person that is grieving... that is hopeless and wanting to give-up today. It's a circle that has to be constantly moving for us, with us, in us!
Love to you all! And, THANK YOU!!!
:ghug
:ghug 
uʍop ǝpısdn
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 422
Nicki, your story is very touching. I am so glad you made it through sober. I couldn't imagine going through this, You truly are very strong.
I was thinking about you all day yesterday, hoping and praying you were OK, and sober.
Good to see you today!!
I was thinking about you all day yesterday, hoping and praying you were OK, and sober.
Good to see you today!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Nicki))) - I missed your previous thread (Sorry!)) but just caught up. I think yesterday was a beautiful tribute to Noah! YOU are a living tribute to Noah. I am pretty sure he is jumping up and down, in that way only little boys can do, clapping his hands and saying "wow, look at my mama..isn't she BEAUTIFUL!!!"
You have a special snow angel watching over you, and living sober is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and him.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You have a special snow angel watching over you, and living sober is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and him.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
(((Nicki))) - I missed your previous thread (Sorry!)) but just caught up. I think yesterday was a beautiful tribute to Noah! YOU are a living tribute to Noah. I am pretty sure he is jumping up and down, in that way only little boys can do, clapping his hands and saying "wow, look at my mama..isn't she BEAUTIFUL!!!"
You have a special snow angel watching over you, and living sober is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and him.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You have a special snow angel watching over you, and living sober is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and him.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hardwired, you're awesome - my friend! Thank you!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
Such a touching story Nicki. It makes me cry and feel at peace knowing that even through the pain you could find serenity, tranquility and peace. You are truly an amazing and wonderful woman. And I'm sure Noah was smiling down on you and the family and watching over you and full of joy and life as you honored him. And I'm so proud of you for going through something so difficult sober, albeit, I'm sure Noah is so much happier and more proud than any of us can imagine. You, Noah and the rest of the family will definitely be constantly in my prayers and thoughts. Keep smiling and stay strong Nicki, and even through the bad and negative try and see if you can find at least a glimpse of something positive.
Wes
Keep smiling and stay strong Nicki, and even through the bad and negative try and see if you can find at least a glimpse of something positive.Wes
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
I just read and experienced something totally awesome that ZING (above) sent to me.... For any of you who'd like to experience something wonderous through your grief of losing a loved one, please check this out: http://www.spokewithmychild.com/presentation.htm
Chris, thank you soooo very much! What a total blessing!
Chris, thank you soooo very much! What a total blessing!
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I also shed tears over your post Nicki. Through your writings your son has touched and encouraged many people here. My good thoughts are with you and thank you for sharing this special time in your life with us. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi nicki,
Your spirit and your "snow-angel" have touched the hearts of many of us here. Your son would be so proud of you, and we are too. The joy of true love is indescribable, yet you have shown, through your grief and your tears, the well of love deep within your heart for your son, which I feel is the most important gift a mother can give her child.
Thank you for lifting the spirits of so many people here today. We are here with you and for you. I admire you for being you.
firestorm
Your spirit and your "snow-angel" have touched the hearts of many of us here. Your son would be so proud of you, and we are too. The joy of true love is indescribable, yet you have shown, through your grief and your tears, the well of love deep within your heart for your son, which I feel is the most important gift a mother can give her child.
Thank you for lifting the spirits of so many people here today. We are here with you and for you. I admire you for being you.
firestorm
trying to get it right
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: globe, AZ
Posts: 243
what a gracious post
and the peace of God, that transends all understanding, will guard your heart and soul! in the name of Jesus Christ!
amen
nicki, i am so glad that found God's peace!!!! you have such a connection to God, noah can here you! he will always be with you in spirit!
God Bless you sweet lady, you have been through alot!!! but with God in your heart, you can do anything!
am sorry for your sadness you have to go thru...wish i could take some of that away from you.............
you ARE so specail nicki!!! ty for being here and being my friend!!!
:praying: praying: praying
amen
nicki, i am so glad that found God's peace!!!! you have such a connection to God, noah can here you! he will always be with you in spirit!
God Bless you sweet lady, you have been through alot!!! but with God in your heart, you can do anything!
am sorry for your sadness you have to go thru...wish i could take some of that away from you.............
you ARE so specail nicki!!! ty for being here and being my friend!!!
:praying: praying: praying
Too far from the beach
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 387
Hi Niki,
what a touching story. I could not help feeling for you since I too have a son. I am so glad you stayed sober...a very touching and sensitive effort for your son. I wish I had some incredible words of wisdom for you. I am not the best writer. Just know I am thinking about you and hope you will be well. Hugs!!:ghug2
what a touching story. I could not help feeling for you since I too have a son. I am so glad you stayed sober...a very touching and sensitive effort for your son. I wish I had some incredible words of wisdom for you. I am not the best writer. Just know I am thinking about you and hope you will be well. Hugs!!:ghug2
It's time to change!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hello friends and supportive people out there!
Just want to close on this note.... Sobriety and support go hand & hand together!!! I made it through a big day yesterday and couldn't nor wouldn't have done it without you and the support I have in my life today --- because I AM SOBER !
Just got back from an awesome speaker meeting after giving two massages that now are going to be repeat customers -- very cool people. Earlier I helped out at the Food Pantry for my church and visited with wonderful people. Showing up for life today is a BIG DEAL!!! There's people I need and that need me... It wouldn't be possible if I were in the bottle right now! I'm very grateful!
I will be back on tomorrow to send PM's and VM's to so many of you, individually! Thank you again! Hugs!
:ghug2
Just want to close on this note.... Sobriety and support go hand & hand together!!! I made it through a big day yesterday and couldn't nor wouldn't have done it without you and the support I have in my life today --- because I AM SOBER !
Just got back from an awesome speaker meeting after giving two massages that now are going to be repeat customers -- very cool people. Earlier I helped out at the Food Pantry for my church and visited with wonderful people. Showing up for life today is a BIG DEAL!!! There's people I need and that need me... It wouldn't be possible if I were in the bottle right now! I'm very grateful!
I will be back on tomorrow to send PM's and VM's to so many of you, individually! Thank you again! Hugs!
:ghug2
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