From one addict to another.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
From one addict to another.
My father has over 20 yrs sober from alcohol. But me and him have had a very tough relationship. I always thought he was just disgusted with me. That I made him shamed. I wrote him an email yestrday telling him why I couldnt pay him his money. And this is what he wrote back.
Me to him..
Him to me....
Just wanted to share
Me to him..
Might as well get it over with and have you back to hating me again.
I dont have the money. You already know why.
So I am a loser. Always will be. I am goin away in a week or 2. I am goin to treatment and staying for the full month this time and then strait to sober living aferwards. I need to get away from this woman. She makes **** worse. I am sorry dad. I am sorry I am the way I am. I dont know what else I can say. I guess I will never get it right enough to remain a part of your life.. EVeryone always turns their backs when I need them the most. I am sorry dad.. I love you. And hopefully one day I can make you proud of me.
I dont have the money. You already know why.
So I am a loser. Always will be. I am goin away in a week or 2. I am goin to treatment and staying for the full month this time and then strait to sober living aferwards. I need to get away from this woman. She makes **** worse. I am sorry dad. I am sorry I am the way I am. I dont know what else I can say. I guess I will never get it right enough to remain a part of your life.. EVeryone always turns their backs when I need them the most. I am sorry dad.. I love you. And hopefully one day I can make you proud of me.
you are not a loser trish. you can not help what you are it is a dease. all you can do is live with it and control it and not let it control you. i never turn my back on you. i just knew you did not hit rock bottom yet and until you do nothing i say or anybody else says will do any good.. when you hit your bottom you will know until then you won,t stop. i knew when i hit my botto. i was in jail and it did not hurt any more. i knew something had to change jail felt like home and that was not right. i felt a sense of peace with myself and i knew i had reached my bottom. you will know when it comes. i just hope you hit it before you die. love always dad you have a real bad enabler to deal with to
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Oh Trish... :ghug3 That honestly brought tears to my eyes. Mostly what you wrote, because I HATE that you feel that way about yourself, but then again with what your dad said because he really does understand. My heart hurts for both of you, but I have hope! I hope this was it for you, I really do. I can't wait for you to get into treatment.
:ghug3 I am so filled with hope for you. I hope you are, too.
:ghug3 I am so filled with hope for you. I hope you are, too.
Eternal optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Thank you for sharing that. I wish you well going into treatment. I will be praying for you. The exchange between you and you dad is one that I wish I could have with my own father as I haven't spoken to him in over a decade. You both are speaking from your hearts and I applaud you for your bravery. I know you're upset with yourself right now, please know you are not a loser-- losers give up, obviously you have not done that.
Bless you Trish on your jouney to health and healing. :praying
Bless you Trish on your jouney to health and healing. :praying
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish)))
See, sweetie? You're family doesn't hate you...especially your dad.
I understand why you're so down on yourself...Lord knows, I've been there myself. But it's serving no purpose, and can just make you do more damage.
What's done is done. You're going into treatment and sober living.
You're alive, and you have a helluva lot of people that care about you. You have finally broken through the barrier that held you to grams..yes, you still love her, but you realize you can't live for her, or through her. You've realized it really IS all about you.
I know you're going to do this, because you have the will to live, whether you believe it or not. You don't give up....never have.
I luv ya, girl!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
See, sweetie? You're family doesn't hate you...especially your dad.
I understand why you're so down on yourself...Lord knows, I've been there myself. But it's serving no purpose, and can just make you do more damage.
What's done is done. You're going into treatment and sober living.
You're alive, and you have a helluva lot of people that care about you. You have finally broken through the barrier that held you to grams..yes, you still love her, but you realize you can't live for her, or through her. You've realized it really IS all about you.
I know you're going to do this, because you have the will to live, whether you believe it or not. You don't give up....never have.
I luv ya, girl!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Thank you for sharing that. It made me cry, both from sadness and with hope for you. You were one of the first to greet me when I came here and always have something hopeful and truthful to share. I wish you well in treatment and sober living. I know you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 331
Please go see the movie the Wrestler, it is an amazing film that many of us can relate to in regards to broken relationships. We all need to focus on the solution and not the problem, the problem is done and can not be undone. Focus on the moment we live in. I love you all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 88
You are in my thoughts and I am hoping with all my heart that you will get the support you need when you go to treatment. I know you will and I think this is the beginning of a new life for you. At treatment they will help you to see yourself as the better person who you really are. You derserve this chance at life. Take it with your arms wide open and give it everything.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,035
Trish, you are a beautiful person. Your father is very lucky to have a daughter like you, and it sounds like he's going to have a clean and sober daughter to be proud of soon.
Please let us know how you're doing, OK?
Please let us know how you're doing, OK?
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
very nice letter trish, your dad is a very intelligent man and doesn't seem like he would hold a grudge with you once you get your life back on track.
You didnt mention on this thread whether or not you are still out there or not, so ....are you??? you know i only ask because i care about you
You didnt mention on this thread whether or not you are still out there or not, so ....are you??? you know i only ask because i care about you
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Trish, thank you for sharing that. People believe in you, even when you think they shouldn't. I think you're on the right track right now, and I'm proud of you for writing that letter to your dad, I can't imagine how hard that was, and the gift you received back from him is priceless. I hope this is the start of your new, beautiful life. I'm pullin for ya hun!! *hugs*
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