It Never Ceases to Amaze Me... The Gall of AH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: St. Petersburg, Florida
Posts: 684
It Never Ceases to Amaze Me... The Gall of AH
Friends,
I am frustrated today. AH has been sober and working a program now for a little over 30 days. His progress has been tremendous in this small amount of time. I barely see him... he is out the door bright and early to pick people up for the 7a.m. meeting and then often goes back out in the evening to pick those same people up and do the 8pm meeting. It's not his program that is irritating me today... it's the aftermath of his using and drinking. AH got a DUI arrest back in October of 08'. He has hired an attorney and is now trying to seek a "lesser charge" of reckless driving. With this comes a financial burden to pay the atty and of course loss of money for any time that has to be served and fines that have to be paid.
We took 1K off the top of our small tax return this year to pay towards his atty. I did agree to this because the rest of the money was spent on a trip to PA where he went to an interview for a position in his field. There has been no work here in Fla. that would even pay what we need to make it. He got the job... I am thankful for that. Of course now the task is to save money for him to move there, secure a rental for himself, etc. The company has graciously agreed to give him a living stipend until his first paycheck arrives. I decided to take some of my retirement and use it to help us move, and secure a home. My retirement is not very big at this point, and I lost money this year too as many many others have. So today he asks me to take that retirement money and let him buy a better truck to go up there on. Are you kidding me?
The resentment and contempt came right out... I knew it was there hidden but today with that proposal it came out. I said no of course... that is the only money I have secured that will be there. This is also my "just in case" money... ya know just in case things don't work out according to the plans we have and God wants something different, well then I'd have a small nest egg set aside to help me and the kids. My frustration is that the alcoholic brain and behaviors don't go away fast enough. I am grateful he is sober today, but I guess I still have my feelings of anger too. He suggested I pray; which ticked me off even more!!
It's not like I want my AH to lose his license for 6 months to a year, but then I also look at the justice peace too. I'm ranting and venting I know... right now I'm just irritated with the disease and can see the cunning, baffling, and powerful mess it creates. Thanks for listening.
Peace,
AJ
I am frustrated today. AH has been sober and working a program now for a little over 30 days. His progress has been tremendous in this small amount of time. I barely see him... he is out the door bright and early to pick people up for the 7a.m. meeting and then often goes back out in the evening to pick those same people up and do the 8pm meeting. It's not his program that is irritating me today... it's the aftermath of his using and drinking. AH got a DUI arrest back in October of 08'. He has hired an attorney and is now trying to seek a "lesser charge" of reckless driving. With this comes a financial burden to pay the atty and of course loss of money for any time that has to be served and fines that have to be paid.
We took 1K off the top of our small tax return this year to pay towards his atty. I did agree to this because the rest of the money was spent on a trip to PA where he went to an interview for a position in his field. There has been no work here in Fla. that would even pay what we need to make it. He got the job... I am thankful for that. Of course now the task is to save money for him to move there, secure a rental for himself, etc. The company has graciously agreed to give him a living stipend until his first paycheck arrives. I decided to take some of my retirement and use it to help us move, and secure a home. My retirement is not very big at this point, and I lost money this year too as many many others have. So today he asks me to take that retirement money and let him buy a better truck to go up there on. Are you kidding me?
The resentment and contempt came right out... I knew it was there hidden but today with that proposal it came out. I said no of course... that is the only money I have secured that will be there. This is also my "just in case" money... ya know just in case things don't work out according to the plans we have and God wants something different, well then I'd have a small nest egg set aside to help me and the kids. My frustration is that the alcoholic brain and behaviors don't go away fast enough. I am grateful he is sober today, but I guess I still have my feelings of anger too. He suggested I pray; which ticked me off even more!!
It's not like I want my AH to lose his license for 6 months to a year, but then I also look at the justice peace too. I'm ranting and venting I know... right now I'm just irritated with the disease and can see the cunning, baffling, and powerful mess it creates. Thanks for listening.
Peace,
AJ
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
AJ - you keep standing up for you!!!
Don't let the disease and your AH manipulate you to doing things that you are not in your best interest!! Remember it's ok to take care of you regardless of what others think!!!!
HUGS to you sweetie!!!
Don't let the disease and your AH manipulate you to doing things that you are not in your best interest!! Remember it's ok to take care of you regardless of what others think!!!!
HUGS to you sweetie!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
Very wise, "No."
After her accident, my ex got insurance money for a new vehicle. Not enough for a new one, but that's what she had to have because she, "deserved", it. The payment was outrageous and I voiced my opinion to no avail. Well, that vehicle was a constant source of strain. The payment was always EVENTUALLY made, but other financial household obligations became my sole responsibility so the payment could be caught-up or made. Not surprisingly, it was eventually repo'ed and her mother got a loan to get it back... she was the 'victim'... how dare Toyota expect at least one payment in 3 months. Toyota, of course, had screwed-up again. :wtf2
It's when I snapped-out of my denial that this became MY responsibility. I had allowed this behavior, and other very similar behavior, to continue. I thought I was being supportive after the accident, but all I was doing was overfuncitoning, losing my self-worth, and moving further and further from what I require in a functional/healthy relationship. As I look back, I can't believe how easily I allowed my boundaries to fall. I made sense of things that made no sense in my head and allowed silence to serve as an explanation for irresponsible behavior.
So glad to be getting ME back!
Good for you! It's all about the growth, baby!
Many Blessings,
Shaman
After her accident, my ex got insurance money for a new vehicle. Not enough for a new one, but that's what she had to have because she, "deserved", it. The payment was outrageous and I voiced my opinion to no avail. Well, that vehicle was a constant source of strain. The payment was always EVENTUALLY made, but other financial household obligations became my sole responsibility so the payment could be caught-up or made. Not surprisingly, it was eventually repo'ed and her mother got a loan to get it back... she was the 'victim'... how dare Toyota expect at least one payment in 3 months. Toyota, of course, had screwed-up again. :wtf2
It's when I snapped-out of my denial that this became MY responsibility. I had allowed this behavior, and other very similar behavior, to continue. I thought I was being supportive after the accident, but all I was doing was overfuncitoning, losing my self-worth, and moving further and further from what I require in a functional/healthy relationship. As I look back, I can't believe how easily I allowed my boundaries to fall. I made sense of things that made no sense in my head and allowed silence to serve as an explanation for irresponsible behavior.
So glad to be getting ME back!
Good for you! It's all about the growth, baby!
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
He suggested I pray; which ticked me off even more!!
I had to laugh when I read that, because it would tick me off even more also....sarcasm. LOL You are doing the right thing in protecting yourself and your kids. I am sorry your feeling the pains of addiction, it's not an easy road.........vent all you like. Hopefully Pa will be a new start and you can leave them feeling behind.
I had to laugh when I read that, because it would tick me off even more also....sarcasm. LOL You are doing the right thing in protecting yourself and your kids. I am sorry your feeling the pains of addiction, it's not an easy road.........vent all you like. Hopefully Pa will be a new start and you can leave them feeling behind.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I don't blame you one bit for being ticked off. Thirty days is very little time to get rid of the behaviors that cone with addiction. Hopefully, you will continue to see positive changes. In the meantime...HOLD YOUR GROUND
I hope all goes well regardless with the move
BTW...you do KNOW the weather has been less than desirable up here in PA...right?
I hope all goes well regardless with the move
BTW...you do KNOW the weather has been less than desirable up here in PA...right?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: St. Petersburg, Florida
Posts: 684
Oh Yeah CeCe... I'm a southern girl, not sure how I am going to function in the cold and snow. It will be interesting that's for sure!
Thanks for the encouraging words guys... I needed to hear them. I am going to hold my ground and continue doing the next right thing. My AH took my "no" and said it will all work out, he is just going to rely on his HP to get him there safely and when he is able to save enough money to buy something new then he can do that. Again, I see more growth in him as he continues to work his program and keeps in conscious contact with his HP.
Peace,
AJ
Thanks for the encouraging words guys... I needed to hear them. I am going to hold my ground and continue doing the next right thing. My AH took my "no" and said it will all work out, he is just going to rely on his HP to get him there safely and when he is able to save enough money to buy something new then he can do that. Again, I see more growth in him as he continues to work his program and keeps in conscious contact with his HP.
Peace,
AJ
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
