Pity party for one? Your table is ready.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 45
Pity party for one? Your table is ready.
They say you should write a letter and then reread it, then perhaps destroy it.
Dear Husband:
You managed to ruin our lives. I get a bill in the mail for a parking ticket from 2 years ago that you PROMISED you paid. Now I have to pay it in full with the worry of possible "jail." Why can't you get picked up for DUI? Everything else will be profanity.
Love, Your soon to be EX.
Lets keep going....
Dear Ford Expedition:
I bought you 3 years ago when gas was low. Then it went high. Now it's low again. You're just another mouth to feed. If anyone were to bust out your tail lights it should'a been ME. P.S. I received another post card regarding recall issues. What's that now? 5? You're worthless. But cool looking.
Love, Your owner with buyers remorse
Dear Lola the Chichuahua:
This business of pissing under the table is going to STOP. I put you in a dress now act like a lady damnit.
Love, your animal loving mommy
Dear Clyde the boxer:
I know you were jealous when I got Lola. But chill out. You're my favorite. I gave you a hotdog. Deal.
Love your dedicated mommy
Dear oldest son:
I'm sorry for the stress. I love you more than words. You're so tough. I dig that you tell me I'm the best cook in the world after I fix you a plate of egg-o waffles. Thanks babe.
Love, Mommy
Dear Youngest:
You're darn cute. I like how you crawl into bed in the morning and poke my eyes. And then your all cuddly. AND if that weren't enough you kiss my forehead. Awww.... But for the real. I can't teach you how to pee standing up. Can you please poop sitting? I will bring you Clifford the Big Red Dog to read and a sippy cup just for you.
Love, Mommy
Dear Attorney:
I hired you because word up on the street you're tough and can tie a lead pipe into a knot. I used my tax return money on you. Now with all due respect, get your balls out of your purse and represent. I know dirty attorneys, why can't you be that? Chop chop, dude.
Sincerely, client
Dear self:
Stay focused. Pull yourself together. Very proud that you didn't loose your sh!t last night. Don't get weak now. You have 2 children that need you. You can't live with this man. He needs to go.
Love, Yourself
Thank you SR for dealing with me and my drama and giving me the hope and encouragement to rise above and to be strong when I am weak. I have no family here. They are in Washington and Illinois. When I come here I feel safe.
Love, Maelynn
Dear Husband:
You managed to ruin our lives. I get a bill in the mail for a parking ticket from 2 years ago that you PROMISED you paid. Now I have to pay it in full with the worry of possible "jail." Why can't you get picked up for DUI? Everything else will be profanity.
Love, Your soon to be EX.
Lets keep going....
Dear Ford Expedition:
I bought you 3 years ago when gas was low. Then it went high. Now it's low again. You're just another mouth to feed. If anyone were to bust out your tail lights it should'a been ME. P.S. I received another post card regarding recall issues. What's that now? 5? You're worthless. But cool looking.
Love, Your owner with buyers remorse
Dear Lola the Chichuahua:
This business of pissing under the table is going to STOP. I put you in a dress now act like a lady damnit.
Love, your animal loving mommy
Dear Clyde the boxer:
I know you were jealous when I got Lola. But chill out. You're my favorite. I gave you a hotdog. Deal.
Love your dedicated mommy
Dear oldest son:
I'm sorry for the stress. I love you more than words. You're so tough. I dig that you tell me I'm the best cook in the world after I fix you a plate of egg-o waffles. Thanks babe.
Love, Mommy
Dear Youngest:
You're darn cute. I like how you crawl into bed in the morning and poke my eyes. And then your all cuddly. AND if that weren't enough you kiss my forehead. Awww.... But for the real. I can't teach you how to pee standing up. Can you please poop sitting? I will bring you Clifford the Big Red Dog to read and a sippy cup just for you.
Love, Mommy
Dear Attorney:
I hired you because word up on the street you're tough and can tie a lead pipe into a knot. I used my tax return money on you. Now with all due respect, get your balls out of your purse and represent. I know dirty attorneys, why can't you be that? Chop chop, dude.
Sincerely, client
Dear self:
Stay focused. Pull yourself together. Very proud that you didn't loose your sh!t last night. Don't get weak now. You have 2 children that need you. You can't live with this man. He needs to go.
Love, Yourself
Thank you SR for dealing with me and my drama and giving me the hope and encouragement to rise above and to be strong when I am weak. I have no family here. They are in Washington and Illinois. When I come here I feel safe.
Love, Maelynn
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 60
This is awesome!
Dear Bean (the cat),
Two weeks ago you acted like you were at death's door. $400 bucks later you are back to your annoying self. Please note that clawing the plastic sides of the litter box at 2 am so it sounds like someone is breaking into the house is not cool, AND it doesn't cover your poop. Much love... Mom
Dear Bean (the cat),
Two weeks ago you acted like you were at death's door. $400 bucks later you are back to your annoying self. Please note that clawing the plastic sides of the litter box at 2 am so it sounds like someone is breaking into the house is not cool, AND it doesn't cover your poop. Much love... Mom
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