First Post - Hello Everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 8
First Post - Hello Everyone
Hi all,
I stumbled upon your group while Googling my latest problem, where my drunk wife now wants to drive with the kids in the car.
You seem like a nice bunch so I posted in the newcomers area to introduce myself (got a warm welcome) where they suggested I post here. Please excuse the cut and paste cross-posting. Last time.
So...
After 19 years of sobriety in our marriage my wife has been drunk and horizontal for three days running now, as her drinking problem, which began about a year ago gets worse and worse.
She is seeing an addiction counselor who my wife claims suggested she could sip from bottles of booze in the house, so long as they're tiny bottles, and no more than two or three full glasses worth a day.
My wife refuses to consider AA. Even though it worked for her dad and older sister. I keep pushing AA, and it just leads to fights. I try to remain calm, but man that's tough. She says I'm not supporting her. That I should applaud her small victories, such as a day with only a few drinks. But I can't buy into that. So she says I don't love her any more. That I am cold hearted.
Not quite, I think. Though the lies have hurt my heart. Never did I picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying. For about a year she had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
I did attended a full day workshop for family members recently, and the leaders urged us all to attend AlAnon. I found a group nearby that meets Mondays and was planning on going tonight. Next week hopefully. The workshop showed my how much i need to get off my chest.
I also leaned to stop some the things i was doing--like blaming myself for the problem, and therefore trying to fix it. The three C's are great. I taught them to my kids.
The big thing we learned that day was to take care of ourselves -- stay strong and healthy -- especially in my case since my kids need me more than ever. I am focused on this goal. I will not fail (though there are moments).
My wife has threatened to never forgive me if I tell any of our friends about this (suggesting that the more people I tell the more she will drink), so you guys just might be my lifeline.
I stumbled upon your group while Googling my latest problem, where my drunk wife now wants to drive with the kids in the car.
You seem like a nice bunch so I posted in the newcomers area to introduce myself (got a warm welcome) where they suggested I post here. Please excuse the cut and paste cross-posting. Last time.
So...
After 19 years of sobriety in our marriage my wife has been drunk and horizontal for three days running now, as her drinking problem, which began about a year ago gets worse and worse.
She is seeing an addiction counselor who my wife claims suggested she could sip from bottles of booze in the house, so long as they're tiny bottles, and no more than two or three full glasses worth a day.
My wife refuses to consider AA. Even though it worked for her dad and older sister. I keep pushing AA, and it just leads to fights. I try to remain calm, but man that's tough. She says I'm not supporting her. That I should applaud her small victories, such as a day with only a few drinks. But I can't buy into that. So she says I don't love her any more. That I am cold hearted.
Not quite, I think. Though the lies have hurt my heart. Never did I picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying. For about a year she had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
I did attended a full day workshop for family members recently, and the leaders urged us all to attend AlAnon. I found a group nearby that meets Mondays and was planning on going tonight. Next week hopefully. The workshop showed my how much i need to get off my chest.
I also leaned to stop some the things i was doing--like blaming myself for the problem, and therefore trying to fix it. The three C's are great. I taught them to my kids.
The big thing we learned that day was to take care of ourselves -- stay strong and healthy -- especially in my case since my kids need me more than ever. I am focused on this goal. I will not fail (though there are moments).
My wife has threatened to never forgive me if I tell any of our friends about this (suggesting that the more people I tell the more she will drink), so you guys just might be my lifeline.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hiya LaTour!
Glad you're here.
This is a solid safe place to start YOUR recovery!
Glad you're learning the three C's. Those are crucial to remind yourself of when the going gets tough.
Always try to do the next right thing to protect yourself and your kids. It is not your job to protect your wife from the consequences of her own drinking (like if you NEED to tell someone because you need help etc!!).
I hope you can make that AlAnon meeting-- AlAnon really turned my head around in a good way and got me off the crazy train with my brothers.
More folks will be along soon- stick around - read the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum and keep posting-- you're not alone - and collectively we've seen it all here all on SR!!!
peace-
b
Glad you're here.
This is a solid safe place to start YOUR recovery!
Glad you're learning the three C's. Those are crucial to remind yourself of when the going gets tough.
Always try to do the next right thing to protect yourself and your kids. It is not your job to protect your wife from the consequences of her own drinking (like if you NEED to tell someone because you need help etc!!).
I hope you can make that AlAnon meeting-- AlAnon really turned my head around in a good way and got me off the crazy train with my brothers.
More folks will be along soon- stick around - read the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum and keep posting-- you're not alone - and collectively we've seen it all here all on SR!!!
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by LaTour 
Hi all,
I stumbled upon your group while Googling my latest problem, where my drunk wife now wants to drive with the kids in the car.
You seem like a nice bunch so I posted in the newcomers area to introduce myself (got a warm welcome) where they suggested I post here. Please excuse the cut and paste cross-posting. Last time.
So...
After 19 years of sobriety in our marriage my wife has been drunk and horizontal for three days running now, as her drinking problem, which began about a year ago gets worse and worse.
She is seeing an addiction counselor who my wife claims suggested she could sip from bottles of booze in the house, so long as they're tiny bottles, and no more than two or three full glasses worth a day.
My wife refuses to consider AA. Even though it worked for her dad and older sister. I keep pushing AA, and it just leads to fights. I try to remain calm, but man that's tough. She says I'm not supporting her. That I should applaud her small victories, such as a day with only a few drinks. But I can't buy into that. So she says I don't love her any more. That I am cold hearted.
Not quite, I think. Though the lies have hurt my heart. Never did I picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying. For about a year she had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
I did attended a full day workshop for family members recently, and the leaders urged us all to attend AlAnon. I found a group nearby that meets Mondays and was planning on going tonight. Next week hopefully. The workshop showed my how much i need to get off my chest.
I also leaned to stop some the things i was doing--like blaming myself for the problem, and therefore trying to fix it. The three C's are great. I taught them to my kids.
The big thing we learned that day was to take care of ourselves -- stay strong and healthy -- especially in my case since my kids need me more than ever. I am focused on this goal. I will not fail (though there are moments).
My wife has threatened to never forgive me if I tell any of our friends about this (suggesting that the more people I tell the more she will drink), so you guys just might be my lifeline.
I stumbled upon your group while Googling my latest problem, where my drunk wife now wants to drive with the kids in the car.
You seem like a nice bunch so I posted in the newcomers area to introduce myself (got a warm welcome) where they suggested I post here. Please excuse the cut and paste cross-posting. Last time.
So...
After 19 years of sobriety in our marriage my wife has been drunk and horizontal for three days running now, as her drinking problem, which began about a year ago gets worse and worse.
She is seeing an addiction counselor who my wife claims suggested she could sip from bottles of booze in the house, so long as they're tiny bottles, and no more than two or three full glasses worth a day.
My wife refuses to consider AA. Even though it worked for her dad and older sister. I keep pushing AA, and it just leads to fights. I try to remain calm, but man that's tough. She says I'm not supporting her. That I should applaud her small victories, such as a day with only a few drinks. But I can't buy into that. So she says I don't love her any more. That I am cold hearted.
Not quite, I think. Though the lies have hurt my heart. Never did I picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying. For about a year she had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
I did attended a full day workshop for family members recently, and the leaders urged us all to attend AlAnon. I found a group nearby that meets Mondays and was planning on going tonight. Next week hopefully. The workshop showed my how much i need to get off my chest.
I also leaned to stop some the things i was doing--like blaming myself for the problem, and therefore trying to fix it. The three C's are great. I taught them to my kids.
The big thing we learned that day was to take care of ourselves -- stay strong and healthy -- especially in my case since my kids need me more than ever. I am focused on this goal. I will not fail (though there are moments).
My wife has threatened to never forgive me if I tell any of our friends about this (suggesting that the more people I tell the more she will drink), so you guys just might be my lifeline.
Don't forget the 4th C-Don't Contribute to it. Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
Hi LaTour....Welcome, you have found a great corner of the internet where many people have walked the path you are now on. I'm so glad you found some support. I know getting educated about alcoholism was eye opening and helpful in my own recovery.
I was in a long term marriage to an alcoholic, and was lied to repeatedly, then told all sorts of stuff about how I wasn't supportive or trusting when I doubted him. (That is called quacking around here.) I realized anytime I tried to take care of myself, which altered the staus quo and threatened the addiction, I was the problem according to him. Alanon, counseling, and this board helped me learn how to change my patterns.
I learned, just like on a plane, in case of emergency put my oxygen on first. I needed to heed that in my situation because of my kids.
More will be along soon to welcome you. Keep posting as we are here for you.
I was in a long term marriage to an alcoholic, and was lied to repeatedly, then told all sorts of stuff about how I wasn't supportive or trusting when I doubted him. (That is called quacking around here.) I realized anytime I tried to take care of myself, which altered the staus quo and threatened the addiction, I was the problem according to him. Alanon, counseling, and this board helped me learn how to change my patterns.
I learned, just like on a plane, in case of emergency put my oxygen on first. I needed to heed that in my situation because of my kids.
More will be along soon to welcome you. Keep posting as we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
Those words brought tears to my eyes, they were the same words I said to my sponsor last week... You are not stupid and neither am I. You didn't see it because she is/was hiding it from you. You were trusting her. That does NOT make you stupid!
Welcome to SR.
Those words brought tears to my eyes, they were the same words I said to my sponsor last week... You are not stupid and neither am I. You didn't see it because she is/was hiding it from you. You were trusting her. That does NOT make you stupid!
Welcome to SR.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by LaTour
After 19 years of sobriety in our marriage my wife has been drunk and horizontal for three days running now, as her drinking problem, which began about a year ago gets worse and worse.
I have been EXACTLY where you are, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Originally Posted by LaTour
She is seeing an addiction counselor who my wife claims suggested she could sip from bottles of booze in the house, so long as they're tiny bottles, and no more than two or three full glasses worth a day.
Originally Posted by LaTour
My wife refuses to consider AA. Even though it worked for her dad and older sister. I keep pushing AA, and it just leads to fights. I try to remain calm, but man that's tough. She says I'm not supporting her. That I should applaud her small victories, such as a day with only a few drinks. But I can't buy into that. So she says I don't love her any more. That I am cold hearted.
Originally Posted by LaTour
Not quite, I think. Though the lies have hurt my heart. Never did I picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying. For about a year she had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
Originally Posted by LaTour
I did attended a full day workshop for family members recently, and the leaders urged us all to attend AlAnon. I found a group nearby that meets Mondays and was planning on going tonight. Next week hopefully. The workshop showed my how much i need to get off my chest.
Originally Posted by LaTour
My wife has threatened to never forgive me if I tell any of our friends about this (suggesting that the more people I tell the more she will drink), so you guys just might be my lifeline.
Hey, good luck, read/learn as much as you can. As long as your #1 priority is taking care of yourself and your kids, instead of your ADULT aw, you will be O.K. Took me awile to learn this!
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Glad your here!
Originally Posted by LaTour
Not quite, I think. Though the lies have hurt my heart. Never did I picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying. For about a year she had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
I believed this stuff too, it's called denial. Denial is a truly bizzare phenomenon , I believed what I wanted to believe. Because to really see what was going on would have required me to begin changes that would end all our lives as we knew them.
Not quite, I think. Though the lies have hurt my heart. Never did I picture my wife looking me straight in the eye and lying. For about a year she had me convinced she was just tired, or it was a strong reaction to sleeping aids or paxil. Still amazes me how i could have been so stupid.
I believed this stuff too, it's called denial. Denial is a truly bizzare phenomenon , I believed what I wanted to believe. Because to really see what was going on would have required me to begin changes that would end all our lives as we knew them.
yah that exactly ^^^^
Originally Posted by LaTour
My wife has threatened to never forgive me if I tell any of our friends about this (suggesting that the more people I tell the more she will drink), so you guys just might be my lifeline.
Everyone probably already knows.
My wife has threatened to never forgive me if I tell any of our friends about this (suggesting that the more people I tell the more she will drink), so you guys just might be my lifeline.
Everyone probably already knows.
Keep posting! and I found it helpful in the beginning to educate myself about the disease as much as I could. Reading a lot of the books listed in the "classic reading" sticky helped!
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