goodlukchrm

I broke up with abf last weekend. He decided to spend both our days off at the bar instead of with me. He lied and said he was going to be doing laundry. I found out he called a cab (no license, dui) and spent the afternoon at the bar. I left him a sweetly sarcastic message (since his phone was turned off) asking how his laundry was coming and did he need a cab to do his laundry?

He called me when he got home and said we need to talk. I said I couldn't talk coz I was going out with friends. Not true but I had to say it. I couldn't let him think he can keep leaving me to drink and I'm just gonna sit around. So he got mad and called me a effing nut for snooping and finding out about the cab. I turned off my phone. He left several other messages, but the last one was Sat. and he said he understands I need to have a life and he loves me. I haven't returned his call.

I know he has a dr. appt. in the am and I was supposed to take him. Should I call and make sure he has a ride? It's in the next town. I should probably say take a cab, huh.

Also, his cell phone is on my account. (he pays his half). I have his old phone, which is inactive. He said in his drunken anger that he feels trapped and wants his old phone back since I'm an effing nut and went snooping. He is paid up til the end of the month, but if I don't give him the old one back, I will probably hafta call him for the next month's pmt.

He could have even gotten another by now. I hate to turn off this one without giving fair warning, or knowing he's got another.

LaTeeDa

Why do you feel it is your responsibility to make sure he has a ride and make sure he has a phone? Is he a child or an adult?

L

isitme

Just me, but I would give him his old phone back and let him worry about the rest.

If he can't find a ride to the appointment, it well be his reponsiblity to call and reschedule.

This way, no matter what takes place in the future, he'll have his phone, his own account etc. He won't have to feel trapped and you won't have to feel like it's your responisblity to make sure he's covered in any situation. KWIM?

sailorjohn

Yeah, he's an adult, he can get his own cellphone. Question is, what do you want to do? Have been in the same situation myself, and it was correctly pointed out to me that I was the person responsible for keeping the relationship alive, those 'ties that bind' were just the excuses I used to keep in contact with this person. I was telling everyone that I wanted to get off the rollercoaster, but when it got back to the loading platform I would either get back in line or beg to go for another ride immediately. This is your choice.

goodlukchrm

I'm not sure if I feel responsible or I am just the type to keep their word. I do feel weird about not keeping my word, but dealing with him is not like dealing with other people. I have not called to see if he has a ride. I'm doing the right thing then?

goodlukchrm

I guess us sharing an account was part of us being a couple. But I have been detaching myself from him little by little for some time now. He lived with me before and I made him leave. He begged to come back, he really wanted to quit drinking. So I let him come back. He didn't work any program, he just didn't drink. That lasted about 2 months I made him leave again.

He hasn't lived with me since November. So he knows when he wants to see me he can't drink. So of course, I don't see him a whole lot. I guess he will always be this way. I do know I can't change him. That's why I cannot live with him. But I need someone who's gonna be there all the time. I hate that I "snooped" but I knew it was kinda weird he didn't wanna spend the day with me. That's not normal when you are supposed to be in love.

SailorKaren

If it were me, and I had made a promise that I would take him to the doctor, I would not necessarily keep that promise at this point, but I would as a courtesy, let him know ahead of time that I would no longer be able to keep that commitment. I would also return his old phone to him as requested, and return anything else I had of his. When his paid up time ends, I would take him off the account. My A ex instantly confiscated my phone before throwing me out, before I had time to even write down all the phone numbers of friends, family, and work colleagues that I had in it. I had no place to live, and my communication link was severed. It was devastating. I eventually got the numbers back, and was able to establish my own account with a new phone. Kudos to you for your sensitivity. It's what I would have done. But of course, I'm a codie: it's what we do

Beyond this, if you're serious about ending it with him, it would be a good idea to practice the no contact rule. You're off to a great start -- post something here instead whenever you feel like contacting him.

goodlukchrm

Thank you Sailor. I try to be sensitive to others even though I know he wouldn't be too concerned if it were the other way around.
I love your location BTW.
I used to live in P'cola. My sis is still there. I would love to go back someday, but that means leaving my daughter. She's grown and settled down with a wonderful man.