ellima01

well,last night AH calls and says he is on his way home (mind you he had been gone three days with not so much as a call or txt back to me), he says "Im in a bad plc right now" I said really? He yells "Im not going to fight with you" so I hung up.
He came home drunk and stinky- sitsat our kitchen table and sobs, looking at pictures I hd laying on the table of our two year old I was putting in an album. I went to bed- not a word to him.He was trying to suck me into feeling sorry for him-like i always have before. not this time.
He never came to bed- not even sure if he slept here or not- or if he even slept. He went to work this morning and mumbled "I'm gone" on the way out the door.
I got online to pay our cell bill and I noticed he had some text charges (we don't have free text and he doesn't text), anyway- two numbers showed up- I am curious and considering investigating to see who these people are.
Thing is- I don't want to be that person checking out my AH's whereabouts and "chasing down leads" on where he is.I just don't want to be made afool of- I have never believed he was unfaithful to me- always knew it wasthe alcohol,drugs- but I just want to know- It wouldgive me an idea of where he has been laying up drunk-should I inquire on this- or just let it go?

bearfeet

In my experience 'checking up' never lead to me to any good. It always turned out to be 'innocent' i.e the numbers would be another drinking or drugging friend but the pain I caused myself by checking or the resulting arguments from me questioning him just weren't worth it in the long run, likes yours mine isn't a 'texter' as such and he rarely texted me and even when I knew it wasn't another woman it still used to make me angry the he'd taken the time and trouble to communicate with others about social things but couldn't make the same effort to say 'Hi I'm not dead' 2 or 3 days after he'd gone missing! Trust is impossible when your partner spends nights away from home, despite whatever you think of their chsrecter, I can testify for that and it's such a horrible, gut wrenching feeling.

If you think it will eat you up then of course you can look into it further but ask yourself what you would do if it was something hurtful?

x

ellima01

good point bearfeet, i probably won't go any farther with it. I am just so hurt. We hae been down this road before- he has always "felt bad" about what he was doing - this time, no remorse- just feeling sorry for himself. If I found out there was someone else- I would leave- no doubt. But I still love him and I still don't think he would do that to me. But I just don't want to be a fool- I'm not sure if I should try to communicate with him today or not

Barbara52

Well, I would get tested for STDs at the least since whatever excuse he might use for the potential cheating, you can pay the price for his actions.

As far as checking up on him goes, does it make a real difference who he sent texts to? He disappeared for day on end. I would think that is enough to start some serious thinking on your part.

GiveLove

In my relationships, substance abuse and infidelity went hand in hand.

But I hope you'll take a long, hard look at whether this is how you want to live for the rest of your life.

And like Barbara, I hope you'll get checked for STDs if you choose to have sexual contact with this man again. He has been sleeping somewhere for days, and it hasn't been with you.

Startingover2

Yep....infidelity and drinking were hand in hand for me too. I never thought my exah could be one of those guys either. The thing is they feel so crappy about themselves and know they don't measure up to you. You are a constant reminder of their failings and some cheap OW makes them feel so wanted and like a stud.

If it were me, I wouldn't look the other way.

Blondie

Same here. STXAH wasn't a texter either. He started. A lot. But he said it was to male buddies. On Christmas I picked up his cell phone (yes, I had been suspicious) and read Merry Christmas Babe! Researched the number it was from and found out he had been spending the night at a single woman's house (not his male buddy). He said she was just a friend, but later she texted "Hey you! Xoxoxo." Yeah, right. Found out he was cheating on me with her on the day of my dad's funeral. That hurt, really, really bad. Sad really. He swore he would never cheat on me. But that is just my case, everybody is different.

Blondie

Oh, and yes she is a buddy. His best drinking buddy and I'm sure his something else buddy.

CNMC2C

I agree with Barbara and GL. Go get tested for STD's. I didn't believe my XABF would cheat either, since we were in a "monogomous realtionship". Boy was I wrong.

ellima01

when he came home last night he lookedlike crap- teeth had not been brushed, hair disheveled same clothes- I really don't thinkitsanother woman (and maybe im stupid) but I know him- and he is leaching off some "friend" getting asdrunk and high as he can as fast as he can- besides hes not exactly a "life of the party" drunk- people generally want away from him pretty quick. I know I could be wrong- never know- but I guess time will tell.

Freedom1990

So is this what you want for the rest of your life? This may be as good as it ever gets.