Reddhead

My sister is a bipolar alcoholic who is right now in a state of depression and drinking heavily. She moved out of state with my two nieces in September and now she's exposing them to some situations such as male guests that I don't want them to deal with. My mom has offered to take the kids already and my sister agreed at first and then backed out. Legally what can we do? I want to go in the next couple of weeks and get them. I know she'll give them to me b/c she usually listens to me except of course when it comes to taking medication and stop drinking. She lives in Maryland. What can I do for her? I know she needs a medical facility but it's going to be hard to get her to check herself in. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

atalose

Where is the father of these girls?

If you think your sister will allow you to take them, do you think she will allow you to do it legally? Having legal guardianship would benefit not only you but them as well. Things such as school, healthcare require a legal guardian. And you don’t want your sister using them as pawns or hostages to her illness.

SistersHelp

My sister allowed her daughter to come and live with me while she sought rehab. We had her write a little note basically stating that, just as a starting point. (It doesn't carry much legal weight but it proves that she was content to trust us with her daughter's care.) After that, when she left rehab without finishing, we went after legal custody and got it, at least for now. My sister can't have custody back until/unless she can prove she has a safe and sober home and lifestyle for her daughter to return to with her.

My advice to you...

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. If you decide to go the legal route, it'll help you to establish what you're trying to demonstrate about your sister's ability to care for her kids.

If I can answer any questions for you ... please feel free to contact me. Good luck!

Lisa

Reddhead

I'm trying to convince my mom to do grandparent guardianship but she is too afraid that my sister will blow up at her and go off the deep end. I think it's time to try and force some sort of help. Any ideas?

laurie6781

Welcome to SR Reddhead. You have found a great place with lots of Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H).

I am glad you are here, but sorry for the reasons.

See how 'bad' it is when you go to visit. Depending on that, go with your gut, and if need be get CPS of Maryland involved, telling them that both their grandmother and their aunt will be more than willing to provide your nieces with a warm loving home.

If they have to get involved you will already have the 'legal' started for moving them from one to state to another.

Will it be hard on you and your mom? You bet it will. Will it be hard on your sister? Of course, may even give her a reason to drink more for a while. However, J M H O but the ones really being hurt here are your nieces.

I commend you for being willing to take this on. Like Lisa you are made of some real STRONG STUFF. Sometimes, we have to let the A go to save the children. Lisa ( SistersHelp) has some really good experience with this and can be of great help to you too.

Also .................................... getting your nieces with you could also be the trigger for your sister to finally seek help ............................... we just never know.

I commend you for trying to look out for your nieces!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

SistersHelp

Thanks Laurie... it's true that you find all kinds of resources of strength when it comes down to it, when it comes down to protecting a child.

We worried at first that losing her daughter might make my sister suicidal. Now we hope, instead, that it'll get her faster to that place called Rock Bottom, and make her recognize that she has to do something to change her life. It's all in how you look at it. And whatever happens, I know that protecting this child is the right thing to do.


Oh hell yeah, it's been awful sometimes. But seeing that little girl change from being withdrawn and afraid of everything to blossoming into a confident and graceful young lady in the course of eight months is worth all of it and more.

Don't hesitate to call social services, PLEASE. Even if you're wrong, the worst that happens is they check and do nothing. They won't tell your sister who it was that called. You NEED to have something on record so if you decide to proceed later you can prove that there were concerns and that you did something about them.

If it never goes anywhere, so be it. But at least you've started a paper trail.

The longer you wait, the harder it is to prove.

If there's anything I'd change about the way we handled the situation with my sister, it's that I would have called social services on her YEARS ago. Literally years ago. I kept telling myself it wasn't really that bad, her daughter loved her, things would get better because she promised they would... etc etc... and so for no good reason, her daughter missed two years of school and lived in a pile of garbage with a woman who was passed out 16 hours a day and smoking crack and snorting crushed pills in front of her daughter... bringing dangerous people into their home... subjecting her daughter to danger... destroying her self-esteem... taking away her innocence...

I guess this means I think you should go ahead and do something about it.


(Suggestion: how about getting tough with sister and telling her that she turns the girls over to grandma's care voluntarily or you will seek something legal? Is she scare-able?)

greeteachday

Welcome! From what I have seen of the wonderful folks here who take in the kids because the addicts are no longer capable of providing a safe environment, it really is all about the kids. Bless you for caring so much. If you do decide to follow the path of getting children's services involved, just realize that there is no guarantee (far from it) anything you do or don't will force the issue in terms of your sister stopping her use.

There were a lot of things I did involving my daughter, who was the addict in my life, because I was afraid not doing it would "make her" use more or some other horrible thing. it wasn't until I started reading and posting here,attending Naranon meetings (they are for friends and families of addicts...Alanon is the same for family of alcoholics, but both groups welcome families of either. There are usually more Alanon meetings around) and working on the steps, that I realized that nothing I did or didn't do was going to stop her use. She had to want it herself. Hugs.

katie53

Hello, I took legal guardianship for my gd almost 5 yrs. ago. I went through a lawyer. My Three yrs. later she had another child She asked me to babysit for a wkend. During that time I found out she was using crack again I called her and told her not to even think about picking up gd. I had also found out she had a warrant out so I told her I would call the police if she showed up. I waited 2 yrs before I applied for the first gd, the second one I made the appt. immediately. They need us, do what you can.

Angelic17

Dear Redhead....My heart goes out to you. Sounds like your sister is involved with either drugs or alcohol. The best thing you can do is to take the children out of that environment before something bad happens to them. Maybe if your sister doesn't have her kids, maybe then she will realize that she has a problem. Unfortunately, you can't help your sister. She has to want it. Does she acknowledge that she has a problem? That's the first step. Guilt, Preaching, Arguing and threats don't work, so what ever you do when you speak to her stay as calm as possible. I'm sure she loves her girls because addiction has nothing to do with love. Ask her what kind of a life she wants her girls to have? Then you can reccomend a helping hand with the kids while she is in treatment. I'm just guessing this is your situation, I don't have all the details. But I do know one thing for sure. You cannot love someone into getting straight. They need to go through the consequences of their actions or get sick and tired, before they are willing to change. If things are real bad there in Maryland, and endangering to the girls, you can explain to her that the state will take those children from her, and that you will make the call for the sake of your nieces. Remind her that she will be powerless over what happens to those children after that. The power of drugs and alcohol on the brain is stronger than we could ever imagine. People have lost families, kids, jobs, homes, friends, money and you name it all for the power of drugs and alcohol. :praying There are things you can do, I admire your love and concern for your nieces. I adore my nieces, and I completely understand your concern. Good Luck and God Bless. Keep me posted. I pray the rosary daily, and I always pray for the struggling addicts all over the world. One sure thing in life is change. I am hoping things change for the better, instead of worse. Peace.....Angel

Reddhead

Thanks for all of the good advice. My sister is going to let my mom have my one niece in April. At least for right now. My mom is going to be the one who has to take care of my niece b/c she has the space for her. Unfortunately she's also taking care of my dad right now so she wants to take them both right away but she's feelign overwhelmed. It's so hard to make any type of decision b/c life is throwing us so much lately. I'll just put it in God's hands and hope for the best. I feel so helpless but at least its something. Thanks again.