carne

I have read so much conflicting advice, from confronting the drinker/ alcoholic (19 year old son) to acting as if nothing has happened. I have read that labelling him an alcoholic is not helpful as it can provide an excuse to him "I'm an alcoholic so I can't help it". I have been told to throw him out. Last week for the first time, I called the police as he was holding knives to his throat threatening to kill himself if I didn't give him the car keys. He was taken for a mental health assessment and kept for 18 hrs (till he was sober) which gave me 18 hours of sort-of peace.

Now he says he knows he can't drink heavily, and continues to drink. Tonight I told him (he is drinking at a friend's place) that if he is nasty drunk he can't come home. He said that won't happen, and I can see it won't be like that tonight. He believes he can drink in moderation, and often he can, in fact more often than not.

I just don't know what to do .... I know it is not up to me, it is up to him, but going to bed hiding car keys and every time he drinks wondering if this will be the night he goes off into a rage is very difficult to live with.

I appreciate any input others may have to offer.

escape artist

Welcome Carne. Lots of information here to absorb it may take a little time for you to think through what the next best thing to do is. three words i found very helpful in the beginning, detachment, boundaries, al-anon. You probably have already seen here that you cannot control it, you didn't cause it, and you cannot cure it. what you can do though is take care of Your needs. this is where detachment from his problems and boundaries to protect you come in quite handy. read the stickies up at the top. find an al-anon group where you live, they have lots of experience, strength and hope. they also gave me a pamphlet the first time i visited which was called Alcoholism the merry-go-round. when i first read it, i was relieved yet mad because of the role i played in it. my recovery is a process and i have to work on it everyday. keep posting and asking questions there are lots of good people here who know what you are going through and have lots of good advice. remember also, take what you need and leave the rest!! take care

JMFburns

Carne,

Welcome. I'm sorry for why you felt the need to seek out the site and post (your son) but glad you found a place to vent your frustrations and ask questions. Good Luck and check out AlAnon.

Chrysalis123

Welcome Carne. There is a lot of insanity involved with an alcoholic....from them and.....from us. Have you given Alanon a try? I have and it has helped me immensely. They recommend attending atleast 6 meetings before deciding whether it is for you or not.

Freedom1990

Let me ask you this? If he has a roof over his head, food in his belly, clean clothes, etc, provided for him, what incentive does he have to change his life?

I made the mistake of allowing my oldest AD to move in temporarily after a lengthy stay in jail on felony drug charges. I had boundaries, and she was well aware of them. She wreaked complete havoc in my house, stepped across every boundary, and was out the door in a month.

I changed the locks and got a restraining order on her.

I also suggest you look into attending Alanon for your own peace of mind, and start making decisions in your own best interest.