Here we go
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Here we go
Well, I guess the process is about to begin. We had the intake meeting with the probation officer on Tuesday and today Joey got his drug evaluation. We took him to the same person (Jack) he was going to before since he already knows his history. From this meeting Jack will make his recommendation to the probation officers/ judge. Now Joey knows this and he also knows the 3 places he could be sent. Detention, a boot camp or rehab. Knowing this you would think my son would say I need help. Noooo his response was... it don't matter I am going to have to stay clean at either place. I am not sure what Jack is going to say, I really want Joey to go to a rehab for 6 months, but Jack feels why bother its a waste of time if he doesn't want to get clean. I just don't see what detention or boot camp is going to do for him since they don't address addiction problems. When I left today I just felt my heart sinking, I am going to be so upset if he is not sent to rehab after turning him in myself to get him there. Really I would love the see him sent to detention for 10 days then rehab. Just to give him a taste of what jail would be like. I did learn from his drug test he is doing coke and oxy, this month. Jack said the oxy is what he was getting sick on all the time, but I have never heard of that.........hey what do I know. I guess that is what the last of his money is going for, he has been selling off all his stuff, better then selling mine I guess.
Jason, where have you been and how are you?
Winnie, is your son doing better in rehab?
Chris, How are things with your daughter?
Maggie, I always think about you and Jason.
Jason, where have you been and how are you?
Winnie, is your son doing better in rehab?
Chris, How are things with your daughter?
Maggie, I always think about you and Jason.
Clever Yak
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I hope it works out in the end for you MyJoey. I'm pullin for ya. You're right, I don't know what boot camp/detention would really do for him, sure he'd have to stay clean but I think he'd benefit more from a rehab. He might actually realize some of the addict thinking he's got even if he still doesn't want to get clean. I don't know, I think rehab, even if he doesn't want to get clean, is a step in the right direction. I've been talking with someone on this forum that did oxys and she told me the w/d is awful, makes you very sick. So, I think that Jack is right. 
I've been around, just not very active in this part of the forum I suppose... Life could be better...my dad's court date is nearing and he's really packing in all the heroin he can before he has to get clean <_< I relapsed kinda bad too, but I'm back on day 2... joy.
I've been around, just not very active in this part of the forum I suppose... Life could be better...my dad's court date is nearing and he's really packing in all the heroin he can before he has to get clean <_< I relapsed kinda bad too, but I'm back on day 2... joy.
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My DOC was crack, which has no withdrawal. My dad wanted to send me to rehab, but I refused because I wasn't ready to get clean.
I was too busy smoking crack to report to probation, so I was locked up. I spent a month in county jail, and 4-1/2 months in a diversion center, which is sort of like a work release program. I was still in custody, but was required to have a job. I basically had to pay rent to be locked up.
During that time I was in custody, I realized that using wasn't all I thought it was. It gave me enough clean time, that I WANTED to stay clean.
I realize that rehab is the best of his 3 options, but I just want to point out that we A's can find recovery anywhere. Even after a month in county jail, I STILL didn't want to be clean (I was, but it was forced on me). I can't tell you when, during that 5-1/2 months I decided I DID want to be clean, but it happened.
Turn him over to his HP and let it go. There are a lot of mom's on here, who will tell you their kids sought recovery when they least expected it.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, let HP handle it, and take care of you
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I was too busy smoking crack to report to probation, so I was locked up. I spent a month in county jail, and 4-1/2 months in a diversion center, which is sort of like a work release program. I was still in custody, but was required to have a job. I basically had to pay rent to be locked up.
During that time I was in custody, I realized that using wasn't all I thought it was. It gave me enough clean time, that I WANTED to stay clean.
I realize that rehab is the best of his 3 options, but I just want to point out that we A's can find recovery anywhere. Even after a month in county jail, I STILL didn't want to be clean (I was, but it was forced on me). I can't tell you when, during that 5-1/2 months I decided I DID want to be clean, but it happened.
Turn him over to his HP and let it go. There are a lot of mom's on here, who will tell you their kids sought recovery when they least expected it.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, let HP handle it, and take care of you
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Sending prayers that Joey goes exactly where he needs to. One thing that I have found with addiction is that when I tried to force an outcome on my daughter it never worked the way I wanted it to but that God knew what He was doing in my daughter's life. Joey is in the system so now it is time for you to Let Go and Let God do the work. Don't listen to what your son is saying right now. The drugs are doing the talking for him. Hugs, Marle
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Thank you. I know I need to turn it over to a HP, it is just not easy. The thought of him going to jail rips me up, he is just not jail material. I guess I am having a hard time detaching. I will be so upset if he is not sent to rehab, it feels like here I have had him arrested only to set him up for later jail time. When all I wanted to do was get him help. Right now nothing seems to bother him at all, he just don't care what happens almost like it will never happen. He walked out of here the other day with his saxophone so he could sell it, I just cried because I remember when he use to play it (years ago), but it's like watching him sell off his life.
Jason, Everyday gets closer to the time you will be able to get out of there.........so hang on!!!
Hydro, I hope you & your boyfriend are holding up. I know it has been hard on both of you.
Impurrfect, You are amazing and I think the HP uses you to help others get through this. (((Hugs))) You have come so far, you should really be proud of yourself.
Jason, Everyday gets closer to the time you will be able to get out of there.........so hang on!!!
Hydro, I hope you & your boyfriend are holding up. I know it has been hard on both of you.
Impurrfect, You are amazing and I think the HP uses you to help others get through this. (((Hugs))) You have come so far, you should really be proud of yourself.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
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Julie - where have you been!!!! i've missed you.
Boot camps around here are now called wilderness camps - got too much heat from some of the bad boot camps so they changed them around and changed their names. Lots of kids in our drug court end up in those - its actually preferred by the court for those that are resisting recovery and there are more facilities open for them. My son couldnt go there because of his diabetes which really was a shame. The bootcamps do help - they teach responsibility and discipline and they are a sober living environment. Many of them are actually less forgiving of relapse. I know one kid who had a week to go and got caught with a cigarette. He now has to do a couple more months - just for a cigarette. Around here they are set in the middle of no where so there is less chance of getting drugs in or of running away. The detention facilities here do have substance abuse programs and my son did get a lot of out of them. They were the ones that helped him realize how powerless he is - took four trips there but they finally got through to him. They were actually tougher on him then the rehab was - i think they know they only have a few weeks so they go in hard and dont hold back.
Sure these kids have drug problems that need to be addressed but a lot of times at this age its also because they have problems with authority. For me when my son got to that point of them deciding was when detachment came in handy. The way I looked at it was i wasnt able to do anything to help him so let the professionals figure it out and decide. If i cant fix his problem then i'm also not capable of picking the recovery facility. Where ever he ends up is up to them and my son has to just deal with the consequences. Remember its a journey not a sprint - each step is just one more step in the journey. Let them decide what is going to happen and try not to worry about it. Your son's choices have taken it out of your hands.
They are right that with rehab until someone at least acknowledges the problem it is pretty hard for them to be helped. Most of the rehabs dont want someone in complete denial because that also makes it hard on the other residents. So a militant, highly physical program that teaches responsibility and accountability can sometimes be better. It took my son over a year filled with many relapses, jail stints, and finally overdose before he admitted that he had a problem. until he got to that point no amount of therapy or rehab could help him.
Julie what i see of your son is that he has not hit bottom yet. So far the drugs havent caused him enough problems to want to quit. I know for us that is unconceiveable - just to spend a night in jail would stop me from doing just about anything. But for them the drugs are in control and until their life spins out of control unfortunately all you can do is sit back and wait. A year ago my son was angry, violent, denying everything - now he is broken and open to at least trying to change. He has lost so much that even he cant deny it anymore. Not that rehab is going to fix him but he's at least open to it. My son admitted he had a problem when he OD'd. Then he admitted he was powerless after he ran from rehab. that's only two of 12 steps and IMO i think they can go back and forth on those two steps for a long time before they ever start moving forward.
So for your son - whatever he wants the least is what i hope they give him. whatever makes it the hardest on him is what i would pray for. whatever gets him closer to his bottom is most likely the best thing for him.
Boot camps around here are now called wilderness camps - got too much heat from some of the bad boot camps so they changed them around and changed their names. Lots of kids in our drug court end up in those - its actually preferred by the court for those that are resisting recovery and there are more facilities open for them. My son couldnt go there because of his diabetes which really was a shame. The bootcamps do help - they teach responsibility and discipline and they are a sober living environment. Many of them are actually less forgiving of relapse. I know one kid who had a week to go and got caught with a cigarette. He now has to do a couple more months - just for a cigarette. Around here they are set in the middle of no where so there is less chance of getting drugs in or of running away. The detention facilities here do have substance abuse programs and my son did get a lot of out of them. They were the ones that helped him realize how powerless he is - took four trips there but they finally got through to him. They were actually tougher on him then the rehab was - i think they know they only have a few weeks so they go in hard and dont hold back.
Sure these kids have drug problems that need to be addressed but a lot of times at this age its also because they have problems with authority. For me when my son got to that point of them deciding was when detachment came in handy. The way I looked at it was i wasnt able to do anything to help him so let the professionals figure it out and decide. If i cant fix his problem then i'm also not capable of picking the recovery facility. Where ever he ends up is up to them and my son has to just deal with the consequences. Remember its a journey not a sprint - each step is just one more step in the journey. Let them decide what is going to happen and try not to worry about it. Your son's choices have taken it out of your hands.
They are right that with rehab until someone at least acknowledges the problem it is pretty hard for them to be helped. Most of the rehabs dont want someone in complete denial because that also makes it hard on the other residents. So a militant, highly physical program that teaches responsibility and accountability can sometimes be better. It took my son over a year filled with many relapses, jail stints, and finally overdose before he admitted that he had a problem. until he got to that point no amount of therapy or rehab could help him.
Julie what i see of your son is that he has not hit bottom yet. So far the drugs havent caused him enough problems to want to quit. I know for us that is unconceiveable - just to spend a night in jail would stop me from doing just about anything. But for them the drugs are in control and until their life spins out of control unfortunately all you can do is sit back and wait. A year ago my son was angry, violent, denying everything - now he is broken and open to at least trying to change. He has lost so much that even he cant deny it anymore. Not that rehab is going to fix him but he's at least open to it. My son admitted he had a problem when he OD'd. Then he admitted he was powerless after he ran from rehab. that's only two of 12 steps and IMO i think they can go back and forth on those two steps for a long time before they ever start moving forward.
So for your son - whatever he wants the least is what i hope they give him. whatever makes it the hardest on him is what i would pray for. whatever gets him closer to his bottom is most likely the best thing for him.
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Sweetie...I wasn't "jail material" either. I was always a good kid, had worked since I was 16. I was an RN until I got mixed up in drugs. Had NEVER had a problem with the law until the drugs. Maybe that's why being locked up DID work for me? It was a HUGE smack in the face of reality, and one that I obviously needed!! I don't know that rehab would have had as much of an impact, in all honesty. I actually thanked my PO..told her she saved my life.
My experience in jail, is not what you see on TV. It was basically a lot of discipline. I went in there as a smart-a$$, street-smart, know-it-all drug addict. I was told when to get up, when to go to sleep. In jail, I read a lot or slept. In the diversion center, I cleaned, and cleaned and cleaned, and then I went to work. Amazing how all of that taught me about respect and gratitude again
When I got out, and was still feeling a bit down, I started a gratitude list. The first thing on my list was "a soft pillow", because, believe me..they are NOT soft in jail.
I know it scares you, and I understand that. However, like everyone has said...HP really does know what is best. It hasn't even been decided where he will go, yet. I just want you to realize the other 2 options really aren't as bad as you think they are, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
My experience in jail, is not what you see on TV. It was basically a lot of discipline. I went in there as a smart-a$$, street-smart, know-it-all drug addict. I was told when to get up, when to go to sleep. In jail, I read a lot or slept. In the diversion center, I cleaned, and cleaned and cleaned, and then I went to work. Amazing how all of that taught me about respect and gratitude again
When I got out, and was still feeling a bit down, I started a gratitude list. The first thing on my list was "a soft pillow", because, believe me..they are NOT soft in jail.
I know it scares you, and I understand that. However, like everyone has said...HP really does know what is best. It hasn't even been decided where he will go, yet. I just want you to realize the other 2 options really aren't as bad as you think they are, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I started a gratitude list. The first thing on my list was "a soft pillow", because, believe me..they are NOT soft in jail.
Last night when he called from rehab he asked if i could pick him up a new hoodie. it was the way he said it - it was "if you can, could you get me a new hoodie - if you cant right now i understand." before he would have demanded it as something he needed and that i was obligated to provide. now he sees it as a luxury.
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Marle, Winnie and Impurrfect
I am so glad I have this forum to come to for support you make me look at things in another light......THANK YOU! At this point I think I need to work on my problem which is detaching from my son, I am finding it very hard to do. It would be much easier if he was abusive towards me or even nasty. That has only happened the few times during withdraw periods, otherwise he is pretty loving which for me makes it even harder. Even my husband who most of the time would love to see him put in a boot camp or jail just shakes his head because he can't understand where he is coming from......like Joey will be getting ready to go out, he will start his car and come back in the house and say I just wanted to tell you both I love you, see you around 11:00 and leave us both standing there shaking our heads. Even with having him arrested I have tried to control his addiction, while he was so out of control at the time I felt I had no choice. I have to try to stop fixing this and just let it be. Knowing he is doing oxy and coke I know his next step will be heroin...that just makes me want to scream. I know I need to leave it up to the system now. We have the wilderness camps here also, I think they are just weekend camps not really sure about them. One thing for sure my son don't seem to care what happens or where he is going.
Winnie, Is your son better this week with staying in the rehab? I hope he knows we are all are pulling for him and waiting for the day he is happy to join us here. You have been so strong, but I know it has been a hard road for you.
I am so glad I have this forum to come to for support you make me look at things in another light......THANK YOU! At this point I think I need to work on my problem which is detaching from my son, I am finding it very hard to do. It would be much easier if he was abusive towards me or even nasty. That has only happened the few times during withdraw periods, otherwise he is pretty loving which for me makes it even harder. Even my husband who most of the time would love to see him put in a boot camp or jail just shakes his head because he can't understand where he is coming from......like Joey will be getting ready to go out, he will start his car and come back in the house and say I just wanted to tell you both I love you, see you around 11:00 and leave us both standing there shaking our heads. Even with having him arrested I have tried to control his addiction, while he was so out of control at the time I felt I had no choice. I have to try to stop fixing this and just let it be. Knowing he is doing oxy and coke I know his next step will be heroin...that just makes me want to scream. I know I need to leave it up to the system now. We have the wilderness camps here also, I think they are just weekend camps not really sure about them. One thing for sure my son don't seem to care what happens or where he is going.
Winnie, Is your son better this week with staying in the rehab? I hope he knows we are all are pulling for him and waiting for the day he is happy to join us here. You have been so strong, but I know it has been a hard road for you.
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Julie, I know just how difficult it is for you to be watching your son selling all his stuff, giving into his addiction. It is SO hard when they are living under your roof. It is SO hard as a mom to let go of the idea that we know what is best!
I have found that my ideas for my daughter are limited, while HP's possibilities are so UNLIMITED!!! HP really does know what's best. Therefore, for them & us we need to Let Go & Let God.
Whatever the outcome for your son, you will be able to rest in the knowledge that he will be safe, he will be fed, he will learn.....whether it's respect, gratitude, or the fact that he is indeed an addict. Either way, IMO, he will be one step closer to recovery.
Sending you lots of hugs & prayers,
Chris
{To} Impurrfect & all of the other RA's on our forum, I say thank you, because you can & do help me to see more clearly that it is NOT up to me.
I have found that my ideas for my daughter are limited, while HP's possibilities are so UNLIMITED!!! HP really does know what's best. Therefore, for them & us we need to Let Go & Let God.
Whatever the outcome for your son, you will be able to rest in the knowledge that he will be safe, he will be fed, he will learn.....whether it's respect, gratitude, or the fact that he is indeed an addict. Either way, IMO, he will be one step closer to recovery.
Sending you lots of hugs & prayers,
Chris
{To} Impurrfect & all of the other RA's on our forum, I say thank you, because you can & do help me to see more clearly that it is NOT up to me.
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Hearing how your son is, makes me think that wherever he ends up, it will be a good thing. He hasn't gotten so hardened yet, and I think that's a good thing. I was hardened, to some extent, but not to my dad. Yes, we argued and I did show my "street side" a few times, but he mostly saw the side that you see of your son. I'm a heckuva a lot older, but I was still his little girl
I can imagine he felt the same way you're feeling when I got locked up.
I'll just continue to pray that he ends up where HP feels he needs to be, and that you can accept it
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I can imagine he felt the same way you're feeling when I got locked up.
I'll just continue to pray that he ends up where HP feels he needs to be, and that you can accept it
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Julie - your son may not be terrible to you but he is being terrible to himself. if he had a friend that punched him in the face everytime they saw each other you wouldnt feel too happy about him being around the kid. you would most likely want that kid out of your's and his life.
In the beginning my son was pretty happy go lucky -just the hippie kid who like to chill. We laughed, we talked, everything was fine. Once i found out and started adamently saying no more is when he started to change and got mean towards me. this is because i wasnt enabling him by making it easy for him to use - his addiction saw me as a threat. not saying your son will turn nasty but you might want to think of it as detaching from his addiction moreso then detaching from him.
I think of my son as having two sides - one side is the kid i raised and love - that is the kid i'm trying to protect and help. the other side is a very dark version of my son who does drugs, commits crimes, sneaks around, steals from me, lies to me and cares about nothing except getting high. he doesnt show me the dark side anymore because of the consequences - he shows me what he wants me to see in order to protect the dark version. PLEASE dont forget that this loving kid is also the one who stole and sold your family heirloom so he may only be showing you the side he wants. he is saying he loves you and he does love you but he isnt showing you any respect or love when he does something like that.
try to remember that addicts say and do what they have to in order to keep the addiction alive.
In the beginning my son was pretty happy go lucky -just the hippie kid who like to chill. We laughed, we talked, everything was fine. Once i found out and started adamently saying no more is when he started to change and got mean towards me. this is because i wasnt enabling him by making it easy for him to use - his addiction saw me as a threat. not saying your son will turn nasty but you might want to think of it as detaching from his addiction moreso then detaching from him.
I think of my son as having two sides - one side is the kid i raised and love - that is the kid i'm trying to protect and help. the other side is a very dark version of my son who does drugs, commits crimes, sneaks around, steals from me, lies to me and cares about nothing except getting high. he doesnt show me the dark side anymore because of the consequences - he shows me what he wants me to see in order to protect the dark version. PLEASE dont forget that this loving kid is also the one who stole and sold your family heirloom so he may only be showing you the side he wants. he is saying he loves you and he does love you but he isnt showing you any respect or love when he does something like that.
try to remember that addicts say and do what they have to in order to keep the addiction alive.
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Originally Posted by MyJoey
I will be so upset if he is not sent to rehab, it feels like here I have had him arrested only to set him up for later jail time. When all I wanted to do was get him help.
Looking at the alternatives, I think Boot Camp is a decent alternative and certainly has more successful outcomes than rehabs in terms of compelling young men to take responsibility and adopt positive values.
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Thank you all again. I wish you could just follow me around and remind me ...kind of like my cell phone provider. LOL I may look up a few meetings in this area. I have heard they are not real good here, but it's worth a try.
Winnie, If my son had a friend that punched him in the face every time they saw each other..........the friend would be among the missing. See, I always have to fix things..........LOL Honestly, I would be in jail for hitting the kid back, but I know what your saying. You are always right on, thank you.
Impurrfect,
I think that is how my son feels with me, he knows he will always be my babe. It is this soft side of him I worry about, I get afraid someone with hurt that side of him. As stupid as it sounds and as much as he hurts himself I fear he will be eaten up in jail because when he is clean he is a gentle soul. I don't know why I worry he sure don't and I know as long as he gets clean that is the real issue....not where it happens.
Outtolunch,
Thank you for the reminder, it is his crime. I think it was you that reminded me last time , the next person he steals from could have a gun at his head.
If boot camp can get him clean, then that makes me feel better if that is where he ends up. Heck they make pills for everything else can't they make one to cure addiction!!
Winnie, If my son had a friend that punched him in the face every time they saw each other..........the friend would be among the missing. See, I always have to fix things..........LOL Honestly, I would be in jail for hitting the kid back, but I know what your saying. You are always right on, thank you.
Impurrfect,
I think that is how my son feels with me, he knows he will always be my babe. It is this soft side of him I worry about, I get afraid someone with hurt that side of him. As stupid as it sounds and as much as he hurts himself I fear he will be eaten up in jail because when he is clean he is a gentle soul. I don't know why I worry he sure don't and I know as long as he gets clean that is the real issue....not where it happens.
Outtolunch,
Thank you for the reminder, it is his crime. I think it was you that reminded me last time , the next person he steals from could have a gun at his head.
If boot camp can get him clean, then that makes me feel better if that is where he ends up. Heck they make pills for everything else can't they make one to cure addiction!!
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[quote=MyJoey;2117413] I wish you could just follow me around and remind me ...kind of like my cell phone provider. LOL I may look up a few meetings in this area. I have heard they are not real good here, but it's worth a try. ]
you just keep trying those meetings til you find the one that's most helpful to you! And guess what, it may not be the cell phone guys in the background, but you will get a list of names & phone #'s so that you can call on someone when you need some help or just an ear to listen.
[Winnie, If my son had a friend that punched him in the face every time they saw each other.....I would be in jail for hitting the kid back]
me too LOL
[I fear he will be eaten up in jail because when he is clean he is a gentle soul]
sure didn't think my daughter would hold up in jail either, but we need to remember all of the shady characters that they encounter just to keep their addiction going.
Ya know you can call me anytime.
Hugs,
Chris
you just keep trying those meetings til you find the one that's most helpful to you! And guess what, it may not be the cell phone guys in the background, but you will get a list of names & phone #'s so that you can call on someone when you need some help or just an ear to listen.
[Winnie, If my son had a friend that punched him in the face every time they saw each other.....I would be in jail for hitting the kid back]
me too LOL
[I fear he will be eaten up in jail because when he is clean he is a gentle soul]
sure didn't think my daughter would hold up in jail either, but we need to remember all of the shady characters that they encounter just to keep their addiction going.
Ya know you can call me anytime.
Hugs,
Chris
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Originally Posted by MyJoey
I think that is how my son feels with me, he knows he will always be my babe. It is this soft side of him I worry about, I get afraid someone with hurt that side of him. As stupid as it sounds and as much as he hurts himself I fear he will be eaten up in jail because when he is clean he is a gentle soul. I don't know why I worry he sure don't and I know as long as he gets clean that is the real issue....not where it happens.
If you are really worried about him - let him fall in a place that isnt too tough. adult crimes are not the same as juvie crimes.
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Thank you Maggie, what a sweetheart you are with all you have and are going through to be here giving support is just amazing. I am sure Jason is very proud of you. I hope you are holding up and getting to spend some time enjoying your grandson. (((hugs)))
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