hoping for answers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Tx
Posts: 64
hoping for answers
Hi. I am new to this site. I was just wondering if anyone out there is in the situation I'm in. I am recovering from an addiction to prescription meds and I have a teenage son whom i've been fighting for. He's been in treatment two months now. I had been sober for awhile and had a relapse over the weekend. I'm devastated. How am I going to keep rallying for my son and keep the lives of my other two teenage boys on track if I cant do it for myself? It's only been five days sober now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Tx
Posts: 64
Any advice is great advice right now. My family is supportive, but my husbands work hours have us only seeing him a few days a week. My boys rely on me for so much and my heart is so heavy right now. I am hopeful, however. Just still really angry at myself. My son in treatment does not know of my relapse and I don't think we'll tell him right now. Thanks again.
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
you never have to be where you are again,from now on,you can stay clean and be the parent you always wanted to be.Just because we have made mistakes in the past don`t mean we have to continue to make them,nor does it mean you are a mistake.Today is a fresh start for us all,live today well,and don`t beat yourself up about last weekend.Staying in today is a key for me.Right here,right now,i can be clean and sober and the parent I always wanted to be.The Power is in today and the here and now.The fear and regret is in the past.
Leave it there if you can.
Leave it there if you can.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi and Welcome!
There is lots of support here and we do understand how difficult sobriety is. You can get back on track and be the person you want to be for yourself and your kids.
There is lots of support here and we do understand how difficult sobriety is. You can get back on track and be the person you want to be for yourself and your kids.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Originally Posted by lifeinchaos 
amyself. My son in treatment does not know of my relapse and I don't think we'll tell him right now. Thanks again.
You are a good person so don't beat yourself up over this too much.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
LifeinChaos,
Welcome. This is a great site to give and receive support. It's helped me so much in my sobriety.
I also have done 12 weeks outpatient rehab, go to a weekly meeting at the rehab center to keep in touch with others I met there, go to AA two times a week, work for an hour a day with my sponsor, read the Big Book every day, keep a journal, go to therapy, and sponsor another woman in AA.
I find that in order to achieve strong and lasting sobriety, I have to really re-make my life so that it is an ongoing priority. I don't think I could do it if I just said to myself, "ok, I'm not going to drink any more because I hate myself when I drink and I want to be a good mom." I don't think that would be enough for me. I really needed a total make-over.
I'm wondering what are the pieces in your life that are helping you find real recovery? And, if you meditate on it, what are the things in your life that feel as if they are driving your addiction?
Again, I'm really glad you're here. Stay!
- mle
Welcome. This is a great site to give and receive support. It's helped me so much in my sobriety.
I also have done 12 weeks outpatient rehab, go to a weekly meeting at the rehab center to keep in touch with others I met there, go to AA two times a week, work for an hour a day with my sponsor, read the Big Book every day, keep a journal, go to therapy, and sponsor another woman in AA.
I find that in order to achieve strong and lasting sobriety, I have to really re-make my life so that it is an ongoing priority. I don't think I could do it if I just said to myself, "ok, I'm not going to drink any more because I hate myself when I drink and I want to be a good mom." I don't think that would be enough for me. I really needed a total make-over.
I'm wondering what are the pieces in your life that are helping you find real recovery? And, if you meditate on it, what are the things in your life that feel as if they are driving your addiction?
Again, I'm really glad you're here. Stay!
- mle
Too far from the beach
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 387
Hi and welcome
Listen to bball. You can start over this very minute and be an example to your son. have a son also and I know that is the most important job you have right now. Stay clean for him and help him through. You can do it together. Stay on the board. There is lots of help here.
Listen to bball. You can start over this very minute and be an example to your son. have a son also and I know that is the most important job you have right now. Stay clean for him and help him through. You can do it together. Stay on the board. There is lots of help here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Tx
Posts: 64
mle - That's what I'm trying to figure out. I've been alone in this for so long. My son's counselor suggested Al-Anon and I've been researching, but I don't think that's the only answer. I've been so focused on him and the struggles of my other teenage boys, I've forgotten I'm fighting a battle for myself also........I have looked up NA mtgs in my area. Getting the courage to go is another thing. I quit attending church, school board mtgs, anything social. I know I HAVE to focus on myself too right now. I'm blessed to be a stay at home mom, but with my commitments to my disabled in laws and my children, Im a mess.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
I know going to your first NA meeting alone is really hard. But you know in your heart that what you are doing is "isolating." By doing that, you are keeping yourself in the game. As long as you let yourself isolate and live by the fear of reaching out for help and changing things, you are letting your addiction win.
For me, I finally reached a place of utter distress and powerlessness over my addicition - that I had to just surrender. I had to completely turn myself over to recovery. I had to reverse directions. Where before I had turned myself over to my addicition, now I had to turn myself over to my recovery. I had to stop dragging my heels and justifying my fears. I had to become willing to do whatever it took.
I did walk into my first AA meeting alone. And I cried throughout the whole thing. And then I cried during each meeting for about the next six months. It was so hard and I had to start feeling all those feelings. But there are people I know today - who celebrated my 1st birthday with me - who were there that day I first walked in. And they have seen me go through what I've been through. And it's like family.
Think of it like a balance sheet. On one side, you have your integrity and charcter, your family and your life and all that you care deeply about. But you also have a whole lot of hard work on this side. Then, on the other side, you have despair, the loss of self-respect, the loss of the respect of your family, the slow and inevitable decline in your health. But the safety of not having to reach out and find recovery.
Which side do you choose?
For me, I finally reached a place of utter distress and powerlessness over my addicition - that I had to just surrender. I had to completely turn myself over to recovery. I had to reverse directions. Where before I had turned myself over to my addicition, now I had to turn myself over to my recovery. I had to stop dragging my heels and justifying my fears. I had to become willing to do whatever it took.
I did walk into my first AA meeting alone. And I cried throughout the whole thing. And then I cried during each meeting for about the next six months. It was so hard and I had to start feeling all those feelings. But there are people I know today - who celebrated my 1st birthday with me - who were there that day I first walked in. And they have seen me go through what I've been through. And it's like family.
Think of it like a balance sheet. On one side, you have your integrity and charcter, your family and your life and all that you care deeply about. But you also have a whole lot of hard work on this side. Then, on the other side, you have despair, the loss of self-respect, the loss of the respect of your family, the slow and inevitable decline in your health. But the safety of not having to reach out and find recovery.
Which side do you choose?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by lifeinchaos
I've forgotten I'm fighting a battle for myself also........I have looked up NA mtgs in my area. Getting the courage to go is another thing.
Find an open NA or AA meeting that fits with your schedule. Because they are open meetings, anyone can attend and you don't have to say a word.
Although I didn't speak at my first NA meeting, I heard my struggles being voiced -- told by people whom I had never met, who struggle the same as I. Amazingly, even though I made no attempt to reach out to anyone at that meeting, just listening helped.
I encourage you to go. You may find that you don't feel quite so isolated anymore. Oh... where are my manners? Welcome to SR!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Guilt & Shame had me feeling like a dog chasing it's tail. . . round and round, doing nothing but wearing myself out. We use because we feel guilt and then we're ashamed because we used, so we use because we feel guilt and ashamed because . . . it's an endless nightmare until you can learn to forgive yourself.
Until I was able to let go of the guilt and shame, I was never able to stay clean. And if I didn't put any chemicals in me to numb it, it was worse.
I can certainly understand you feeling overwhelmed and the fact that you are isolating from Church, School Board Meetings, everything else, this is just giving your disease more power over you. I highly encourage you to go to some Meetings. I know it's scary as hell walking in there for the first time, but trust me, there is no sign on your forehead or back that says that this is your first Meeting and you're terrified. As others have said, you don't have to speak a word. . . unless you want to. (But trust me, every single person has been where you are)
I think once you start getting yourself some supportive people and getting out of the house, you'll find that the other areas of your life, the kids, will begin to fall into place easier. I think SR is a true Blessing, but I really believe that face to face support is a necessity. It's great to have phone numbers of other women to call, people to be accountable for and to build healthy friendships with.
Hugs of Understanding,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by lifeinchaos
I've looked up every meeting in town. Next one not till next week.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Congrats on your six days and glad you found us. You can do this. Focus on today, staying clean and sober just for today. Your kids will see you succeeding and that will be a good example for them.
Again, welcome to the family!
Again, welcome to the family!
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