Omm anomanom

Hi everyone.....

I haven't posted for a while here, so just briefly........kids dad left, still using, has been away over a year now, hasn't used for roughly 5-6 mths, he now lives 300ks away - but never visits - still lives in a pub, where he would probably drink more than 2-3 days a week - was keeping in touch, until the phone went through the washing machine 2 weeks ago - haven't heard from him since - he was giving a little bit of money towards the kids - but has stopped that too.

We've caught up for a couple of days at a time, 3 times in the last 5 months, all at my organisation, and mostly expense - all good, says all the right things, and trully means it - then it never happens.

Why I'm posting, is that I know I will hear from him in the next couple of days, and he will apologise for; not keeping in touch, not putting money in the bank......etc etc. Then he will puut the cash in, and start ringing again, and he's organised to visit at the start of next month - I know he will make it here.

I'd like to know how others would be kind - as I'm not angry, and I know that he needs helpful suggestions(!!) with how to stay sober and get organised - but I'm over it, and want more from the people that I love, and who want to be part of my life, and my childrens.

So how do you kindly, and compassionately say - 'Sorry doesn't cut it - get your **** together - or leave us alone until you do.'?

Thanks

winnie12

You say exactly that. The addicts i've known it never worked to beat around the bush. The nicer I said things the more they manipulated and twisted those words to their own benefit. Besides you're very concerned about showing someone compassion who has no compassion for you or the kids. No amount of compassionate support from you is going to help him seek recovery. You are a spokesperson for your children not his therapist, comforter, supporter, or fixer. The easier you make it for him the less likely he will be to honor his responsibilities.

splendra

What you said above sounds good to me.

Serenity Bound

Sounds perfect to me.

outtolunch

'Sorry doesn't cut it - get your **** together - or leave us alone until you do.'?

Sounds like poetry to me.

Have you filed for administrative ordered child support?

Jewelz

I believe you said it perfectly!!

Hugs,
jewelz

Omm anomanom

Thankyou all so very much.

I did know, I just really need to hear inspirational things at the moment.

ie; 'You are a spokesperson for your children not his therapist, comforter, supporter, or fixer. The easier you make it for him the less likely he will be to honor his responsibilities.' - thanks for that winnie.

And to splendra and outtolunch - i remember your names from when i was here last, and thank you also, and to everyone else who took the time.

I have filed for the aus gov to collect maintenance (child support) - but the man is a shifty one, and seems to be able to constantly work for cash, to get around it. If I could be guaranteed anonymity I would happily tell the tax dep, but last time I enquired, i had to go and fill and sign forms but i will check it again, as the longer i leave it, the more it doesn't seem to matter to him - not a priority.

Anyway, i know what i have to do - it would be so much easier if he was being a ***** about it, and not an apologetic child about things - that's what gets to me - he genuinely has come a long way, and is trying, unfortunately - by himself. He still hasn't put any recovery tools into place - other than to work, and stay away from the harder drugs.

Thanks for that, I love that i can come here and grab insight that is valuable, and go away and work with.

:ghug