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I'm new and need advice...

Old 02-18-2009, 06:51 PM
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Unhappy I'm new and need advice...

I hope I'm putting this thread in the right place.

I just don't know what to do. I apologize if this is a little long-winded, but I am very stressed out and considering rehab again. I don't know if I even need to be back in rehab again, and if I do I'm terrified of going again. In the past I had a major problem with cocaine and to a lesser extent alcohol. I went to rehab for 3 months or so, and while I was there, it was torture. I know I'm an addict, and I've never tried to complain to my parents about what they did there, because I felt like no one would believe me. I know it wasn't the right place for me. I have co-existing pyschiatric diagnosis and anorexia. They weren't able to deal with that. They drugged me into submission--not kidding, I was taking enough medicine to knock out a man three times my size and was constantly in trouble for drifting off in group. I had one inicident of acting out and scratched my arm up, and they poured alcohol and idodine (brown stuff?) on it, until I was about to cry from pain--suck it up they said. They claimed they could deal with eating disorders, but there idea was see a nutritionist once in the entire stay, give me meds to make me gain weight (40lbs in 3 months!) and I was staying in a place that required residents to cook for each other and shop, which to someone with anorexia is a terror. I have never had a panic attack in my lifetime, until I was there, I started having them severly. I was told, in group, to stop crying and hyperventilating and just shut up and too bad you'll eventually pass out and we'll just leave you on the floor. Result === more medicine I didn't need. They repeadetly went behind my back and broke confidnetiality and said what I said in group to my parents, they forced me to reveal things I didn't want to during family group with the threat that the counselor would tell them if I didn't. I was well past 18, my parents didn't need to be informed as it was not threatening myself or anyone else's life. Needless to say it was horrific. However, the good news is I did learn more about addiction and I did try, if only to get myself out of there and never have to go back.

And now I find myself after a major loss (death) that I'm starting to drink again and hoard my medicine. I thought I doing well in recovery, until I realized, I never quit. Maybe for a while I did. When I quit drinking and drugs, I started starving myself again, and then I started abusing my adderall so I'd loose weight. I was incredibly sick and underweight. I managed to get myself on track for a while, but now after a few binges with alcohol, I find I've found 7 or 8 bottles of my old adderall prescription, I'm craving alcohol and the Diluadid I had for a medical procedure, just because I want oblivion--and no more pain. I've picked up drinking again, far worse this time than when it was with the cocaine or the adderall. I'm afraid to tell my doctor, I don't know whether I need to go back to rehab, but if I do, I can't go to the same place again. I have far more issues than just chemical addiction like my addictive behaviors, and I'm sure they all have the same cause and at times my anorexia is just as bad as the drinking/drugs. What do you guys think? If am told to go back, does anyone know a place that treats dual diagnosis and eating disorders as well? I'm really really ready to change, I can't live like this anymore, but I'm afraid. I'm in the same place I was emotionally before, but the addiction is nowhere near as bad. I don't want it to get that bad, but part of me is still---well is it bad enough?

Thanks for listening. Sorry for the long ramble.
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:05 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us.

It seems like it would be a good idea for you to start by talking frankly with your dr about what's going on with you right now. Have you considered therapy or talking to a counsellor one-on-one? Please know there is hope and there is help available. I'm glad you are reaching out.

This is a link to the resources that I found here on SR for Dual Diagnosis Treatment Centres:

SoberRecovery : Dual Diagnosis - Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:11 PM
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Tortiose,

I'm so glad you posted with us! I just want to give you a BIG hug right now!!! :ghug3

There will be many others that can help direct you with resources for dual-addictions that are here.

I just want to say "WELCOME" and you're not alone! Also, I understand the loss of a loved one very well! This is a tough month for me as it will be his (my sons) birthday, 8y/o... but won't be celebrating it with him as he has passed on. I want to honor his death through being sober and taking care of myself. These things don't happen overnight.

Take care of yourself - 1st and foremost! There will be many ideas for you to consider that may help you here. You are worth having a full, healthy & happy life!

Hugs!:ghug3
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:40 PM
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I'm really glad you took the time to share what's going on with you. . . don't apologize for being thorough!

I would talk to your doctor, if you feel comfortable with that. There is no reason why you should have to go back to that "place" you were before. (My heart went out to you when you spoke of it.) You're over 18 so the decision on where to go should certainly be yours!

I wish I could refer you to a wonderful place that has all the help that you need. . . but I don't know of any place in particular. It looks like Anna has pointed you in a good direction to start with.

I hope you will continue to share with us and keep reading. You've found a group of wonderful people who all welcome you with understanding and open arms.

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:49 PM
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Thank you all for your replies. And thanks for the link 51anna. I'm slightly worried, okay, really nervous about admitting all this to my doctor. He's sort of a new doctor, about a year or so, and I was completely honest with him about my past history. It's just it's never really been brought up much since then and I honestly think he's forgotten, so I'm kind of nervous about bringing it up. Please please keep me in your prayers as I'm going to try and do this right this time around.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by tortiose View Post
Thank you all for your replies. And thanks for the link 51anna. I'm slightly worried, okay, really nervous about admitting all this to my doctor. He's sort of a new doctor, about a year or so, and I was completely honest with him about my past history. It's just it's never really been brought up much since then and I honestly think he's forgotten, so I'm kind of nervous about bringing it up. Please please keep me in your prayers as I'm going to try and do this right this time around.

Easier said than done but just get it all out there! If you need to get a 2nd opinion from another doctor, then you do that! It's YOUR life you are fighting for!!... and you being totally honest THEN feeling totally confident in the doctor for the BEST decisions in your life. Holding back will do no good for you or for them/him.

I will definitely keep and hold you in my prayers! Keep posting here so we know how you are doing, K???

:praying:ghug3:ghug
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Old 02-19-2009, 07:16 AM
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Welcome sweetie, glad you're here. I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 146 days clean. I've been to rehab also. The best thing right now is to talk to your doctor...again. If he's forgotten....remind him. You can do this. You'll be in my prayers.

:ghug3
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Old 02-19-2009, 08:03 AM
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Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

For me I have to take care of me
and that means with out hesitation
tell my doctor right off the bat I
am in recovery so i dont want any
prescriptions that r habit forming
or narcotic.

Doctors will freely give out medicine
for what ails u but if they r told
with a stern voice I am in recovery
and I dont want anything to jepardize
my recovery, then he will stick with u
and help u.

Dentists, doctors all those that can
write u a prescription for me have to
know about my recovery.

Its that important to me to go to
any lengths to stay clean and
sober.

Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:22 AM
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Hi tortiose and Welcome. Just so happens that I was watching TV this morning and a commercial was on for his place. Integrated Services: Treatment: Foundations Recovery Network Not sure where you are from but his may help. Hang on for now.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:17 AM
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Hey Sweetie,

You are reaching out here and that's a good thing. Others are right that you need to talk to your doctor. If you don't like the one you have, find another. I have a bias myself toward female doctors. They always seem to listen better. I know I know - men listen too.... just my bias.

You absolutely need help. And the rehab you went to sounds like a living heck. That's not typical. That is horrible. Don't think they're all like that. A dual diagnosis place that is in a hospital should be able to help you address all your issues, I'd think.

You are doing the next right thing right now - reaching out. And that's great. You'll find that if you stay here at SR, you'll have a little cheering squad all your own. So get in to see your doctor and tell them the truth and ask for help. And then let us know what happened!

Hang in there.
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