Update
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Update
The results from my echocardiogram came back in the mail.
My heart muscle is normal...my heart is functioning normally...my heart valves are functioning normally...According to the test I have a structurally and functionally normal heart with no significant valve problems (I might call or ask at my next appointment about that last part.
).
This is great news...so why don't I feel good? Was I expecting something to be wrong? Perhaps. Am I disappointed that something isn't wrong? No...but I still don't know what the cause of these stupid palpitations are...I guess I’m going to have to find a way to accept that I have this problem…and that’s going to have to be that.
When I go to my next appointment, I'll ask some more questions about how much it is safe to exercise and whatnot...plus I'll see if he can get me a referral to a psychiatrist. I need to see one.
My heart muscle is normal...my heart is functioning normally...my heart valves are functioning normally...According to the test I have a structurally and functionally normal heart with no significant valve problems (I might call or ask at my next appointment about that last part.
). This is great news...so why don't I feel good? Was I expecting something to be wrong? Perhaps. Am I disappointed that something isn't wrong? No...but I still don't know what the cause of these stupid palpitations are...I guess I’m going to have to find a way to accept that I have this problem…and that’s going to have to be that.
When I go to my next appointment, I'll ask some more questions about how much it is safe to exercise and whatnot...plus I'll see if he can get me a referral to a psychiatrist. I need to see one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Bam,
I'm glad you got your results back and that they are good. Maybe you feel bad because if there was a problem there would be an answer? I've had a lot of frustration with my health too.
What I try to do when I'm having the pounding heart feelings is to slow my breathing with that exercise, breathe in to the count of 4, hold to the count of 4, breathe out to the count of 5. Seems to help me calm down.
Hang in there (((((Bam))))
Love,
Lenina
I'm glad you got your results back and that they are good. Maybe you feel bad because if there was a problem there would be an answer? I've had a lot of frustration with my health too.
What I try to do when I'm having the pounding heart feelings is to slow my breathing with that exercise, breathe in to the count of 4, hold to the count of 4, breathe out to the count of 5. Seems to help me calm down.
Hang in there (((((Bam))))
Love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 263
Hey there Bam. I don't know how much reading you've done, but:
Palpitation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
There's sooo many reasons for palpitations, and most of them are basically harmless and easily dealt with. You can rest assured your docs will be working through the possibilities, and they have already cleared the most potentially serious. That's fantastic news for you, but I so understand the frustration of waiting for a solid diagnosis on a health problem.
I can't believe I'm going to say this, but: worrying about it will only make it worse. You have my permission to slap me.
Hang in there, and good luck.
Palpitation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
There's sooo many reasons for palpitations, and most of them are basically harmless and easily dealt with. You can rest assured your docs will be working through the possibilities, and they have already cleared the most potentially serious. That's fantastic news for you, but I so understand the frustration of waiting for a solid diagnosis on a health problem.
I can't believe I'm going to say this, but: worrying about it will only make it worse. You have my permission to slap me.
Hang in there, and good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
It IS good news Bam, but I can understand your worry still. I think talking with a psychiatrist can only help. Its a good idea. It helped me a few years ago when I was in a depression. I didn't want to just take pills then, but rather figure out why I was obsessing over things. It does help and thanks for the update. You are important! (((Bam)))
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Maybe I'm afraid because I can't fall back on 'there's something wrong with my heart so I cannot drink'.
I feel like I'm standing out in the open and I can do whatever I want...and it's a little disconcerting. I feel a little lost...
Many folks here talk about hitting such a low point that going sober was the only way to go. I don’t know that I can ever reach a point like that (and I really don’t want to find out), but I do know that if I cannot find a way to stay stopped, I’m screwed.
I admit that I entertain the notion frequently that I will be able to drink again. I understand how foolish this sounds, but I cannot shake the thoughts. This puts me in a dangerous position and I don't like it one bit.
I'm scared.
I mean, I'm not shaking in my booties right now, but I'm scared of myself because I know what I can do and where I can go.
In case anyone is wondering…my sobriety date still stands. I’m so close to beating my record of 69 days sober.
I’m tired of obsessing about alcohol. It’s part of a lot of my thoughts…the fact that I’m not drinking, that I shouldn’t drink again…that other people are drinking…how I just want to have some fun…and how I miss it…I do miss it. I would like to say that it’s all behind me, but it’s not. I hope that things will get better.
SR is my only source of real support. I do not know where I would be right now without this place and you folks. I’ve been leaning heavily upon SR lately…I’m here several times a day…sometimes lurking…sometimes posting. SR is an important part of my recovery.
I feel like I'm standing out in the open and I can do whatever I want...and it's a little disconcerting. I feel a little lost...
Many folks here talk about hitting such a low point that going sober was the only way to go. I don’t know that I can ever reach a point like that (and I really don’t want to find out), but I do know that if I cannot find a way to stay stopped, I’m screwed.
I admit that I entertain the notion frequently that I will be able to drink again. I understand how foolish this sounds, but I cannot shake the thoughts. This puts me in a dangerous position and I don't like it one bit.
I'm scared.
I mean, I'm not shaking in my booties right now, but I'm scared of myself because I know what I can do and where I can go.
In case anyone is wondering…my sobriety date still stands. I’m so close to beating my record of 69 days sober.
I’m tired of obsessing about alcohol. It’s part of a lot of my thoughts…the fact that I’m not drinking, that I shouldn’t drink again…that other people are drinking…how I just want to have some fun…and how I miss it…I do miss it. I would like to say that it’s all behind me, but it’s not. I hope that things will get better.
SR is my only source of real support. I do not know where I would be right now without this place and you folks. I’ve been leaning heavily upon SR lately…I’m here several times a day…sometimes lurking…sometimes posting. SR is an important part of my recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
There's nothing wrong with leaning heavily on SR Bam. I do it from time to time too. Whatever gets you through the day besides picking up.
Why did you give up drinking? Was it only because you thought you had heart problems or was there a surrender there? You know, "I'm powerless over drinking and after one the only thing I'm sure of is there will be more to follow" type thinking. I had to admit I was powerless, but that's me.
I have to run and pick up my son, but I'm thinking of you Bam and you can pm me anytime! I would be honored if you did. I don't have all the answers, but sometimes I have a pretty big shoulder to lean on.
Why did you give up drinking? Was it only because you thought you had heart problems or was there a surrender there? You know, "I'm powerless over drinking and after one the only thing I'm sure of is there will be more to follow" type thinking. I had to admit I was powerless, but that's me.
I have to run and pick up my son, but I'm thinking of you Bam and you can pm me anytime! I would be honored if you did. I don't have all the answers, but sometimes I have a pretty big shoulder to lean on.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Bam,
Sorry I've missed the threads leading up to this one. Maybe you discussed this already. Have you considered the issue might be panic attakcks?
I'm glad there's nothing structurally wrong! I have a funny story that's related.
About ten years ago, I was having "episodes" where I would act odd, lose memory, cry, etc. Because I'd had a GrandMal seizure in the past, and because there was an abnormality in my hippocampus, my doctor felt that I might be having a specific kind of seizure. They thought I was a good candidate for brain surgery. This kind of brain surgery was very cutting edge (ha ha - no pun intended) and very successful for this type of epilepsy. We went through all the testing and stuff to see if I was healthy enough for the surgery. Then they just wanted to map out in my brain exactly were the misfires were happening. (I had, by this point, joined an online support group and thoroughly identified myself with epilepsy.) So the last test was for me to go inpatient to the epilepsy ward and get all wired up and be video taped. I was kept awake for 48 hours in an attempt to bring on a seizure that they could document.
Finally, I had one. I vaguely recall it. In the morning, the doctors came in and told me to get dressed and go home. That what they'd seen on the video and monitors was not epilepsy. They didn't know what it was but it wasn't epilepsy. I wasn't a good candidate for surgery.
I left feeling HORRIBLE. I wanted something to fix me. I wanted answers!
Eight years later, I was diagnosed with severe Bipolar. All that time, the "seizures" were my bipolar. Now I take Lithium. And part of me still wishes that they could have just gone in and cut it out. Part of me still wants BRAIN SURGERY. It seems easier. Final.
So when you say you don't know why you don't feel good at the "good" news. I totally get it. I don't blame you. I would rather have them cut out a piece of my brain and have the questions answered and put to bed. Instead of this ongoing, drag-out, constantly need to monitor, take a ton of meds, DISORDER.
I'm still glad, however, that your ticker is good. ( :
And I wish you well with figuring out why you're having the problem you're having.
Sorry I've missed the threads leading up to this one. Maybe you discussed this already. Have you considered the issue might be panic attakcks?
I'm glad there's nothing structurally wrong! I have a funny story that's related.
About ten years ago, I was having "episodes" where I would act odd, lose memory, cry, etc. Because I'd had a GrandMal seizure in the past, and because there was an abnormality in my hippocampus, my doctor felt that I might be having a specific kind of seizure. They thought I was a good candidate for brain surgery. This kind of brain surgery was very cutting edge (ha ha - no pun intended) and very successful for this type of epilepsy. We went through all the testing and stuff to see if I was healthy enough for the surgery. Then they just wanted to map out in my brain exactly were the misfires were happening. (I had, by this point, joined an online support group and thoroughly identified myself with epilepsy.) So the last test was for me to go inpatient to the epilepsy ward and get all wired up and be video taped. I was kept awake for 48 hours in an attempt to bring on a seizure that they could document.
Finally, I had one. I vaguely recall it. In the morning, the doctors came in and told me to get dressed and go home. That what they'd seen on the video and monitors was not epilepsy. They didn't know what it was but it wasn't epilepsy. I wasn't a good candidate for surgery.
I left feeling HORRIBLE. I wanted something to fix me. I wanted answers!
Eight years later, I was diagnosed with severe Bipolar. All that time, the "seizures" were my bipolar. Now I take Lithium. And part of me still wishes that they could have just gone in and cut it out. Part of me still wants BRAIN SURGERY. It seems easier. Final.
So when you say you don't know why you don't feel good at the "good" news. I totally get it. I don't blame you. I would rather have them cut out a piece of my brain and have the questions answered and put to bed. Instead of this ongoing, drag-out, constantly need to monitor, take a ton of meds, DISORDER.
I'm still glad, however, that your ticker is good. ( :
And I wish you well with figuring out why you're having the problem you're having.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by Horselover 
Why did you give up drinking? Was it only because you thought you had heart problems or was there a surrender there?
Having the palpitations a year ago was what woke me up from my slumber.
Before that point in time it had never really seriously occurred to me to quit drinking. I knew what I was doing wasn't healthy, but at the time I had the feeling that I could keep going for a while.
Then my heart started "skipping"....a lot.
I tried to stop...and finally 1.5 months after these things started up I enjoyed some good sobriety. I started thinking about how I wanted my life to be better (plus I kept deliberately scaring myself with pictures of damaged organs).
Apparently that hasn't been enough...I've relapsed several times since...and I'm worried that another one is coming up. I've felt this way for about a month now...some days were really scary and I was close to either relapsing or doing something even more stupid than that.
I know there's no magic cure for this...
So where does this leave me?
Beats me.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Bam,
Any possibility you'd be interested in AA? AA has been positively life-changing for me. It's helped me heal. It helped me go from NOT-DRINKING to true recovery where I no longer obsess about alcohol and I have so many more riches in my life.
When you say that you've gone 69 days without drinking and this is your only support and you are still obsessing - I just hurt for you. There is a solution. I know AA isn't for everyone. But I'm living proof that it can help lead you away from self-destruction and into a place of peace. I know this.
Any possibility you'd be interested in AA? AA has been positively life-changing for me. It's helped me heal. It helped me go from NOT-DRINKING to true recovery where I no longer obsess about alcohol and I have so many more riches in my life.
When you say that you've gone 69 days without drinking and this is your only support and you are still obsessing - I just hurt for you. There is a solution. I know AA isn't for everyone. But I'm living proof that it can help lead you away from self-destruction and into a place of peace. I know this.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by mle-sober
Bam,
Sorry I've missed the threads leading up to this one. Maybe you discussed this already. Have you considered the issue might be panic attakcks?...
So when you say you don't know why you don't feel good at the "good" news. I totally get it. I don't blame you. I would rather have them cut out a piece of my brain and have the questions answered and put to bed. Instead of this ongoing, drag-out, constantly need to monitor, take a ton of meds, DISORDER.
I'm still glad, however, that your ticker is good. ( :
And I wish you well with figuring out why you're having the problem you're having.
Sorry I've missed the threads leading up to this one. Maybe you discussed this already. Have you considered the issue might be panic attakcks?...
So when you say you don't know why you don't feel good at the "good" news. I totally get it. I don't blame you. I would rather have them cut out a piece of my brain and have the questions answered and put to bed. Instead of this ongoing, drag-out, constantly need to monitor, take a ton of meds, DISORDER.
I'm still glad, however, that your ticker is good. ( :
And I wish you well with figuring out why you're having the problem you're having.
It could be anxiety related...I need help anyways with the depression...I have another doc appointment in about a month and a half...I'll ask for a referral then....I'll tell the doctor that I'm having a ton of trouble staying sober and that I felt like crap long before I ever drank...and that I do worry a lot...can't help it.
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by mle-sober
Bam,
Any possibility you'd be interested in AA? AA has been positively life-changing for me. It's helped me heal. It helped me go from NOT-DRINKING to true recovery where I no longer obsess about alcohol and I have so many more riches in my life.
When you say that you've gone 69 days without drinking and this is your only support and you are still obsessing - I just hurt for you. There is a solution. I know AA isn't for everyone. But I'm living proof that it can help lead you away from self-destruction and into a place of peace. I know this.
Any possibility you'd be interested in AA? AA has been positively life-changing for me. It's helped me heal. It helped me go from NOT-DRINKING to true recovery where I no longer obsess about alcohol and I have so many more riches in my life.
When you say that you've gone 69 days without drinking and this is your only support and you are still obsessing - I just hurt for you. There is a solution. I know AA isn't for everyone. But I'm living proof that it can help lead you away from self-destruction and into a place of peace. I know this.
I know AA has helped a lot of people, but it isn't for me. I cannot change myself to fit into the program and that's okay. I'll have to find my own way...and SR is a great start.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Bam it could very well be an anxiety disorder. I can relate to how you are feeling about not being diagnosed with anything, when you obviously have something going on. I've been there myself.
Stay with us Bam... We'll help hold ya up.
Stay with us Bam... We'll help hold ya up.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
(((Bam))) I hope you can get these things sorted soon. I'm glad you're physically healthy, that's a plus, but our minds can make us feel, for real, some real strange stuff. I agree with a good shrink. I love and trust mine.
:ghug3
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bowling Green KY
Posts: 275
bam....last spring i was sitting at my desk at work.....i felt a pain in the left side of my back......my right ankle was swollen into a hillary clinton cankle and i knew without checking my b.p. it was through the roof.
my secretary basically forced me to go to the emergency room. i waited in an emergency room for 3 hours one time with broken ribs from a motorcycle accident.
trust me...the magic words are....i have a pain in my back and chest....and my b.p. is elevated and look at my cankle. they had me hooked up in less than 5 minutes.
it was not a heart problem but they did find a blood clot in my right leg. a tiny piece had broken off and went into my lungs so they kept me overnight.
when they were taking my medical history i did not lie about my alcohol consumption.....i told the doctor around 20+ oz. of vodka every night.
he looked at me and shook his head and said "you were scared because of chest pain and b.p. but those aren't a problem....continue drinking at that rate and you'll be dead within 7 years."
it scared me straight and i did over 100 days without drinking. but like the dumbass i am i thought i could drink in moderation. i couldn't. that's how i ended up back here 17 days ago and thank the good lord for the good people on here who have kept me on track.
i don't want to leave my wife or two boys without a husband or dad. i have to quit this time for them as well as me.
if you have nothing wrong with your heart that is wonderful....truly beautiful. but if we drink again we can rest assured we will have a problem with our hearts in the future.
sorry this got so long but i'm pulling for you man.
my secretary basically forced me to go to the emergency room. i waited in an emergency room for 3 hours one time with broken ribs from a motorcycle accident.
trust me...the magic words are....i have a pain in my back and chest....and my b.p. is elevated and look at my cankle. they had me hooked up in less than 5 minutes.
it was not a heart problem but they did find a blood clot in my right leg. a tiny piece had broken off and went into my lungs so they kept me overnight.
when they were taking my medical history i did not lie about my alcohol consumption.....i told the doctor around 20+ oz. of vodka every night.
he looked at me and shook his head and said "you were scared because of chest pain and b.p. but those aren't a problem....continue drinking at that rate and you'll be dead within 7 years."
it scared me straight and i did over 100 days without drinking. but like the dumbass i am i thought i could drink in moderation. i couldn't. that's how i ended up back here 17 days ago and thank the good lord for the good people on here who have kept me on track.
i don't want to leave my wife or two boys without a husband or dad. i have to quit this time for them as well as me.
if you have nothing wrong with your heart that is wonderful....truly beautiful. but if we drink again we can rest assured we will have a problem with our hearts in the future.
sorry this got so long but i'm pulling for you man.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
Bam I know exactly what you mean, every time I have blood tests or get my bp checked Im secretly hoping that there is something physically wrong with me to explain my chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety, Im not sure I would even mind if it was something serious, as long as they could put a name to it and tell me there is a cure.
However I have got to accept that despite being an overweight, heavy smoking alcoholic there is nothing physically wrong with me, how mental is it that a clean bill of health is a dissapointment.
My mental health is a different matter lol and while I would accept a doctors advice about physical sickness, I insist on trying to sort my mental problems out myself.
I am officially a doofus!
However I have got to accept that despite being an overweight, heavy smoking alcoholic there is nothing physically wrong with me, how mental is it that a clean bill of health is a dissapointment.
My mental health is a different matter lol and while I would accept a doctors advice about physical sickness, I insist on trying to sort my mental problems out myself.
I am officially a doofus!
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Bam, I have the same problem. Usually after drinking coffee or eating sweets. My doctor can't find anything abnormal either.
My heart also feels "weak"....not physically weak, but when I get startled or I'm anxious, it especially feels "floppy". It was never like that before....I don't like it. I've never been light-headed, nor have I passed out from this yet, so that is a good sign. I need to remember that...especially when I feel a little panicky.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Bam,
I am glad that you are getting good news from the dr. I can understand that thinking you 'might' have heart problems would help you to stay sober. But, having good health is such a blessing! It's also great that you are continuing to pursue the issue and try to get to the bottom of things. As others have said, it might be anxiety, and if so, you can learn to deal with that.
If you are obsessing about drinking, I wonder what you have done to change your life and lifestyle? Have you tried any new activities or courses - opportunities to meet new people?
If you feel a relapse coming on, do whatever it takes to avoid that.
I am glad that you are getting good news from the dr. I can understand that thinking you 'might' have heart problems would help you to stay sober. But, having good health is such a blessing! It's also great that you are continuing to pursue the issue and try to get to the bottom of things. As others have said, it might be anxiety, and if so, you can learn to deal with that.
If you are obsessing about drinking, I wonder what you have done to change your life and lifestyle? Have you tried any new activities or courses - opportunities to meet new people?
If you feel a relapse coming on, do whatever it takes to avoid that.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Thanks for sharing your good medical report.
Have you thought about doing SMART?
Or perhaps you are and I have not kept up...
Good to know your making sober progress.
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