Think I'm hitting my bottom

Old 02-18-2009, 12:36 PM
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aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
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Think I'm hitting my bottom

Hi all

So normally I'm a pretty strong, logical person. But yesterday, I came very close to having a panic attack. I just found out that my hours have been cut at work. Down to 32 hours at the moment, but they want to cut them down to 24 and are being heavily pressured to do so. I could be layed off any time.

My abf is still talking about future / engagement even though I've been making it pretty clear that I'm not in the market for that at the moment. It's like he just doesn't SEE it. He knows I'm acting differently, but he's just forging ahead with his plan. My whole world is completely in a shambles right now and I think that it is giving me motivation to finally take care of it. I can't live my life with everything up in the air. No security whatsoever. It is not unrealistic to think that in the next month or so I could lose my business, my full-time job and my boyfriend (along with the home).

I was totally stressing yesterday, but today I feel a little bit more clear. Like I just have to jump in and take care of some of this stuff because I don't have the "luxury" to just let it be. I need to let my abf know that I can't think of marrying him when I believe he's still abusing his meds BEFORE he decides to propose in front of a bunch of people (which I think he's planning from things he's said). How horrible! And I need to find a new job so that if we break up, I can make it on my own. I need to get off my butt and do something about where I'm at!!! I'm scared as heck right now of the unknown. I don't really know what I'm looking for with this message, but maybe some words of encouragement??? Or a kick in the butt??? I guess any advise or thoughts are welcome seeing as I have no clue what I'm looking for! lol
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:54 PM
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It seems like you're looking for security and realize you're the only one who can give it to you... kudos to you!

As far as the bf, what can you say to him in one sentence that leaves no room for doubt? I suggest one sentence because addicts active in addiction will look for any loophole. I used to practice saying that one sentence until it rolled off my tongue with ease.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:44 PM
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Hugs to you! I'm sorry that you feel that your life is in turmoil. Keep reading, praying and posting, and you'll find your answers! I like Chino's idea of summing the A in your life up in one sentence. Good luck to you!
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:12 PM
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aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
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I really like the one sentence idea Chino. I am going to have to come up with something for sure. I also have a letter written. I just don't know if it's the "right" way to go about it. But it serves the same purpose as the one sentence method in that I get out what I need to say and he can't argue (immediately). I just don't want to hear excuses and him rationalizing why he does what he does and how I'm wrong. I was thinking about leaving him the letter tomorrow morning. That way he can read it and think about it a little bit and then we can talk tomorrow night. I think he's going to be pretty mad about it because he's been trying hard lately to dispel belief that there's an issue. So I thought that way I don't get the initial reaction... but a more thought out response?

I contacted some people who I've worked with in my industry locally and have a few bites for jobs. I'm feeling a little bit better. I just don't want to start anything new. Just started the job I'm at about 5 months ago and didn't want to start over then either. But I guess ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
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Old 02-18-2009, 04:13 PM
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Good for you, for looking out for you!! I know it's not easy, especially when it feels like everything is up in the air, but it sounds like you are thinking everything through and making all the right moves.

I don't have any advice, but I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:21 AM
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aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
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Thanks Impurrfect. I left the note this morning. I'm so nervous right now! I told him that nothing has changed and that I do still believe that he is abusing his medications (which I never said that I didn't feel that way). And that I can't think about the future when I have so many fears right now. I told him that I don't believe that someone can go from being completely out of control with their meds to be completely in control without help.

As sure as I am that I'm right... I still have this underlying doubt. You know, that maybe he CAN do it on his own. Just because it was out of control at one time, doesn't mean that it will get like that again. With everything I've read here, I feel like I should know better. But he is just so convincing! And I've SEEN it. I've heard the lies come out of his mouth and I still question it. I have to stay strong for tonight. Need to come up with my one sentence.
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:30 AM
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Sending you strength, hugs & prayers.

Chris
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Old 02-19-2009, 09:34 AM
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By the way, the one sentence idea comes from setting boundaries. There is so much clarity for us and them by keeping it simple
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Old 02-19-2009, 02:25 PM
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aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
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This is probably going to seem like a small discovery for all of you, but the more I think about it, it's just so logical. I kept thinking, WHY would he keep ignoring what was happening in our relationship and just move forward KNOWING that things are not okay. Anvil, you're right, he is not going to get far in his plan because I won't go along with it. But why he continues on that path is what had me confused. Then, last night he says to me "so if I cook prime rib for dinner tomorrow night, would you eat it?" Okay, seems like a logical questions except that I DON'T EAT MEAT. And he KNOWS that. He doesn't like it, but he knows it. So then I remind him, um... that's nice and all, but have you forgotten that I don't eat meat? Haven't eaten it in over a year... And he says, well I was just trying to come up with something nice we could have for dinner together. And THEN he says, "well, how about Chicken Noodle Soup". So my discovery, that I should have made way long ago... is that he doesn't acknowledge ANYTHING he doesn't want to. I mean, how will he ever acknowledge an addiction problem if he can't even acknowledge that I don't eat meat??? Oh boy have I been blind to some of his ways...
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Old 02-19-2009, 04:03 PM
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Good luck with things just tired. Take things one day at a time or even one week at a time as far as the job goes. I know. I just lost mine 3 weeks ago. It's not the end of the world. Although it felt like it at first. It's out of our control. Just prepare yourself as best you can. Never hurts to start networking and looking around for another job right now. You never know what's out there. And there definitely is stuff out there. It just takes longer to find right now.
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