BIGDAVE

I hate myself, I hate everyone around me, and I hate the world.I am a ghost to my family, and I feel utterly alone.I am a miserable drunk, full of self-pity, bitterness, and self-loathing.I can't stop drinking, and my life is so bad that I can't deal with it sober.I hate this existence.I feel like I have been doomed or damned since the day that I was born....Dave

firestorm090

Whoa, Dave, come on buddy, I know how you feel, I'm there with you at times, but there are redeeming features to even the worst of lives. Self-pity is a killer, sure as I'm sitting here. I've wallowed in that crap most of my life and it's damn tough to get unstuck. It's like quicksand. That's when other people have to try to pull us out, extend a hand, grab yours and pull hard. That's what I'm doing now, so grab on and pull with all you've got. I'm new to this group and trying to sober up, just like you. People have been pulling me up by the shoulders the last few days, yet I went out and got drunk last night, and felt like total garbage this morning. But, you know what Dave, I'm beginning to really feel abit of trust for the people here, cause they speak my language and are yanking me up out of my pit of despair inspite of myself. Every reply I have received offers encouragement, fellowship, support and I'm sure, in time when I need it, a swift boot to my backside. So, I extend my hand to you. Grab ahold Dave, and we'll try to figure this out, by helping each other. I'm right there with ya, and the choice is yours.

indo

Dave, I know EXACTLY how your feeling. I used to be so deeply depressed that I thought of suicide almost daily, Like everything is hopeless. I really thought that it was all coming to an end.

I was just sitting around all day. Smoking all day and drinking all night. HARD

I realized that I was at home WAY too much. So I decided that I would try doing some volunteer work around my area. I bet this sounds stupid, but getting active saved me. Helping out people(especially for free) builds LOADS of self-esteem and self-confidence.

It just makes you feel like your a good person, Like your life is worth living. It definitely helped me out TONS..

I'm sure it would help your out a lot. (although it doesn't sound fun at ALL)

Hope this helped ya bro

NewBeginning010

Wow, that was beautiful firestorm090
----
Dave, we are all here for the same reason. Feeling bad about yourself is a part of the problem. Take it easy on yourself & read all of the threads you can.

Start to make the changes that you would like to see today. We look forward to having you as one of our recovering forum members.

Take Care

NB

Fubarcdn

Welcome to SR Dave.
A lot of people come here feeling like you do right now and after a few days they start to feel like firestorm. They start to see a ray of hope and that grows every day.
Sometimes it takes a few tries to quit using and sometimes it only takes one and sometimes people give up and choose to live miserably.
It is a choice though. You can choose to quit or choose to use. Life will slowly improve if you choose to quit. You will start to like others and then yourself.
If you are up for that we are here to help.

ElChupacabra

Dave. I'm here with you buddy. I feel awful right now. I have terrible anxiety and terrible depression....but you know what? I have been here before and I know that if I bear through it I will feel better. If you don't feel unwilling to give up drink just try it for a little while, a week or two. I you get to the end of that period and feel you still want to drink then that is your choice. But I'll tell you what, I bet you get to the end of the period and feel better than you've felt in a long time.

least

I don't like myself or my life very much either, but I do know that staying sober does make me feel better, I have hope that things can get better. But it won't happen if I'm drinking. Stop drinking just for today. Just today.

And if you really want to stop drinking for good, talk honestly with your doctor. Alcohol detox can be dangerous besides just annoying.

Glad you found us!:ghug3

charisma

Glad be are all in the same ship.........

nelco

Hello and welcome to the world of recovery. You can start today and make a change in your life. sounds to me like maybe you have hurt enough now, and want do something about it ....as you are posting here. Bigdave I felt just like you once, nothing was right everyone was an ass....!! Your not as far away as you think from some peace contentment in your life.
Have a look around here, many people felt just like you, and are doing something about it now.. take what you like and leave the rest. my own experience is ......
I became a member of A.A made some real friends and made a start on the 12 steps . although I have had some bad days, I have never had a day where I felt the desperation you are expressing now. I have tools for living today.
Bigdave ...its on at the darkest nights the stars come out, and I see a few peeping out here for you. Please use the support here, and keep posting. you dont have to feel like this. You are not alone. X

bovinePieBear

One more hand reaching out to you here Dave. It may not feel like it, but help really is all around, if you want it.

nickishine

Dave,

I appreciated your honesty and willingness to open up to us here! I can relate, as countless others, what you are going through right now (and have been). All I know for me is, the further away I am from drinking, the better my life gets. Then when I pick up the booze again, everything good seemingly falls away. It's a revolving crazy cycle that we need to break just one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Glad you are here! Please stay!

Rusty Zipper

welcome to the family BD!

for every one less drink today, will lead to no drinks for the day...

and out'n'z of the Temple of Doom!

btdt, and life has improved...

you "Can" do it BD

and if you choose the House COW angle for detox, be careful, its dangerous...

good wishes BD

rz

ViciousCycle

We are here for you.

inneedofchange

Dave,
Stick with us. We can do this together. You've made a big step in putting your feelings out there. Now lets do something about them to turn them positive. You are not worthless!

I made a promise to myself to not drink today. I can't tell you the last day I didn't drink, so it's going to be a challenge. Why don't you take the challenge with me?

KenL

We're all in here for ya Dave. You gotta keep coming back here for the support and love. We'll be waiting to hear some more positive tones coming from you. It will happen, just give yourself some time to heal.

Hang in there buddy!
Ken

prettypoison

I felt exactly this way BigDave -- I was right down in that dark pit. Some days I would go to bed and not want to wake up. That's what alcohol was doing to my mental state. I tried so many times to quit drinking and failed. I would literally cry while I gulped down more booze. It's just awful. I got tired of feeling like that every day and decided I'm done. I just simply cannot drink, at all. I knew I had to change. I signed up to go back to school, checked out some books to understand what was happening to me and came to SR for support. Today those feelings have eased up tremendously. I still have bad days but I no longer hate my life. I found a new direction and I have hope. I wish this for you too my friend. We are here for you