sapphire1

My future brother-in-law is an alcoholic. Last weekend he showed up at my fiance's home very drunk as well as belligerent. I don't want to make this a long story, but hoping he would sober up over night, we let him stay. He didn't.(??). He started the morning with a resounding F-you! to his brother. Then claiming the house was his and just ranting in the worst way possible which could fill pages. Finally he took a butcher knife out of the drawer and threatened me. I had my cell phone.. punched in 911. He put the knife away but continued on, and again pulled the knife out, after which I ran. This was like a rabid dog and I just can't tell you how in shock I was over the situation and how terrified I was. He left, but was picked up and is now in jail, and I keep playing this over and over in my mind trying to rationalize what happened, and I just can't. Two weeks prior he was fine! We even played tennis together. I think his anger at me is the fact that he thinks by marrying his brother I am taking him away from him or some such thing. I can't figure it out. I'm not sure I want to. Any advice on what my fiance and I can do to help come to terms with this? I think this was the end of the line for any future relationship which is bad because really, my fiance and I were the best friends he had. My son in law thinks his behavior may have more to it then just alcohol. I am just in shock and not sure what to how to view this.

GiveLove

Sapphire, I'm glad you're okay.

The fact of the matter? You have an alcoholic, mentally unstable future brother-in-law. You now know it is not safe to be with him unless you have plenty of backup, and maybe not even then.

You have "dodged a bullet" and I hope and pray you will never again give him a chance to do this.

I'm curious what your fiance was doing while all this was going on? While you were being threatened, attacked? What does he have to say about all of this? What are his feelings about his brother at this point?

Events like this are traumatic, but I've found that the trauma they inflict on you can be made much worse when people enable them and condone their behavior. If someone bails him out, for example, because they feel sorry for him or because "he's family" or "he was just drunk".

Take care of yourself in this situation. Watch carefully and let yourself feel your feelings honestly.

And try to get some rest!!

sapphire1

GiveLove

Thank you for the reply, and as to what my fiance was doing.. he was trying to talk to him in a rational manner the entire time. I found this rather bizarre as well. Denial? After I ran from the room having called the police, he was still trying to talk his brother down after which he threw him out of the house - that is how he left. As I keep running this over and over in my mind, I realize that he - my fiance could have been seriously hurt. I was afraid for him, and afraid for me. I don't know, I am having a hard time with this situation. His sister and brother-in-law are big enablers. In fact his brother-in-law was angry that I had called the police and said I shouldn't have because he is already charged with one DUI in one state, and now in another. The A works for his sister and brother-in-law. It seems like the family situation is that the sister makes my fiance feel responsible for his brother and guilty, and I think that my fiance has been bullied by his A brother for quite some time. I imagine that this was probably not the first time he displayed violent behavior. Yes I know that I have to stay safe, it's just that the family's reaction is blowing my mind??!! They are not bailing him out, nor are we of course. They seem to care less for my saftey - they are sure he wouldn't reeeallly hurt me. I don't think this is just going to go away. I think we have issues here that need to be worked.