Update and slight babbling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 60
Update and slight babbling
Hey folks,
I've looked into Nar-Anon and there's not a group in my area. I'm questioning if I even need something like NA or AA. My Sister and her BF are the addicts, and my husband and I are (hopefully soon!) getting custody of their three children. I suppose my question should really be, what does NA really do? I attended Ala-Teen many many years ago when the man my mother was married to had to attend AA. I can't say that it really did anything for me. What is your experience with similar groups?
In other news, we are continuing to go through the process of getting custody of my nephews. Right now we're waiting on the last of our references to get in before they can complete the home study process. Sis had to go to court this past week. The apartment complex where they were cooking meth took them to court for the damages to the apartment, and the costs of the meth cleanup. $23,000! I'm just reeling from that. Sis was just so nonchalant about the entire thing. I can't wrap my head around it. She really thinks they just made up these expenses. I had to explain to her what the owners are having to DO because of the meth in the apartment. Ripping out all the drywall, carpet, any appliances that may have come into contact with the meth to include all the plumbing. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. Her criminal trial is coming up, and she says "If they don't give me a good deal I'm not agreeing to the plea".
Talking to her exhausts me, but I'm trying really hard to keep those lines of communication open. I had to explain to her that if they find her guilty of severe neglect of the boys that the judge will likely order 'no contact'. She hadn't realized that was an issue, and seriously expects me to let her contact them whenever regardless of what the courts say. I had to tell her that if the court orders no contact that I will, of course, abide by the court's ruling. I can't risk my nephews falling back into foster care!
Throughout this entire ordeal I have bounced from angry to sad to just flat out confused. I think that right now I'm just anxious to get this part of this ordeal over so that we can focus on the kids. I had to assure the social workers that the children would have access to a pediatrician who would be able to address all of the issues that drug exposed children may have. THAT was an interesting conversation with the doctor's office.
I'm hoping that we get the rest of this paperwork finished soon. I just want those babies with me! :ghug2
I've looked into Nar-Anon and there's not a group in my area. I'm questioning if I even need something like NA or AA. My Sister and her BF are the addicts, and my husband and I are (hopefully soon!) getting custody of their three children. I suppose my question should really be, what does NA really do? I attended Ala-Teen many many years ago when the man my mother was married to had to attend AA. I can't say that it really did anything for me. What is your experience with similar groups?
In other news, we are continuing to go through the process of getting custody of my nephews. Right now we're waiting on the last of our references to get in before they can complete the home study process. Sis had to go to court this past week. The apartment complex where they were cooking meth took them to court for the damages to the apartment, and the costs of the meth cleanup. $23,000! I'm just reeling from that. Sis was just so nonchalant about the entire thing. I can't wrap my head around it. She really thinks they just made up these expenses. I had to explain to her what the owners are having to DO because of the meth in the apartment. Ripping out all the drywall, carpet, any appliances that may have come into contact with the meth to include all the plumbing. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. Her criminal trial is coming up, and she says "If they don't give me a good deal I'm not agreeing to the plea".
Talking to her exhausts me, but I'm trying really hard to keep those lines of communication open. I had to explain to her that if they find her guilty of severe neglect of the boys that the judge will likely order 'no contact'. She hadn't realized that was an issue, and seriously expects me to let her contact them whenever regardless of what the courts say. I had to tell her that if the court orders no contact that I will, of course, abide by the court's ruling. I can't risk my nephews falling back into foster care!
Throughout this entire ordeal I have bounced from angry to sad to just flat out confused. I think that right now I'm just anxious to get this part of this ordeal over so that we can focus on the kids. I had to assure the social workers that the children would have access to a pediatrician who would be able to address all of the issues that drug exposed children may have. THAT was an interesting conversation with the doctor's office.
I'm hoping that we get the rest of this paperwork finished soon. I just want those babies with me! :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good for you in putting your nephews first. Your sister is still in denial. It will take a while for reality to sink in, and it will probably take the sound of jail bars clanging shut and a while BEHIND those jail bars before it even begins to sink in.
It's sad that she doesn't realize what she has done to her children, in all this, but the boys are blessed to have you to look after them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It's sad that she doesn't realize what she has done to her children, in all this, but the boys are blessed to have you to look after them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Originally Posted by Sunflowers 
Hey folks,
I've looked into Nar-Anon and there's not a group in my area. I'm questioning if I even need something like NA or AA. My Sister and her BF are the addicts, and my husband and I are (hopefully soon!) getting custody of their three children. I suppose my question should really be, what does NA really do? I attended Ala-Teen many many years ago when the man my mother was married to had to attend AA. I can't say that it really did anything for me. What is your experience with similar groups?
I'm hoping that we get the rest of this paperwork finished soon. I just want those babies with me! :ghug2
I've looked into Nar-Anon and there's not a group in my area. I'm questioning if I even need something like NA or AA. My Sister and her BF are the addicts, and my husband and I are (hopefully soon!) getting custody of their three children. I suppose my question should really be, what does NA really do? I attended Ala-Teen many many years ago when the man my mother was married to had to attend AA. I can't say that it really did anything for me. What is your experience with similar groups?
I'm hoping that we get the rest of this paperwork finished soon. I just want those babies with me! :ghug2
I'm hoping that the process your going thru to get your nephews will be short. They are Blessed to have you in their corner!
Hugs,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
You know trying to explain anything to an addict or someone in a criminal lifestyle is just an exercise in futility - it does nothing but frustrate the sane person. I have found it easier to just let them think they are fooling me - comments like "really" "i hope your right" and "wow that sucks." go a long way. She is in another world right now and cant possibly comprehend the seriousness of this - emotionally she may not be able to face it yet.
I always get concerned about backing an addict in the corner by letting them know too much of what you will and will not do in hypotheticals - sometimes they turn it around against you. I may be waaaay off on this and i know others are going through similar things who could probably help you more but i wouldnt say anything to her that would cause her to try to get the kids placed outside of the family or say anything bad about you. As long as she thinks you're on her side she is going to push for those kids to be with you. The courts dont tend to share a lot of info against the parent they are trying to get kids away from so be honest with CPS and the court and vague with your sister. Dont tell her you'll do something that's not in those kids best interest but if she asks just say "well, lets just wait and see what happens before we try to figure this all out." Again, that's just my opinion and i could be wrong on this.
With all of this i suspect they'll be in prison for a while so you really arent going to have to deal with her contacting the kids anyway.
I always get concerned about backing an addict in the corner by letting them know too much of what you will and will not do in hypotheticals - sometimes they turn it around against you. I may be waaaay off on this and i know others are going through similar things who could probably help you more but i wouldnt say anything to her that would cause her to try to get the kids placed outside of the family or say anything bad about you. As long as she thinks you're on her side she is going to push for those kids to be with you. The courts dont tend to share a lot of info against the parent they are trying to get kids away from so be honest with CPS and the court and vague with your sister. Dont tell her you'll do something that's not in those kids best interest but if she asks just say "well, lets just wait and see what happens before we try to figure this all out." Again, that's just my opinion and i could be wrong on this.
With all of this i suspect they'll be in prison for a while so you really arent going to have to deal with her contacting the kids anyway.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Praying for the safety of your nephews - hopefully you will have them in your custody soon.
For me Al-Anon has helped me tremendously in dealing with the way I have been affected by my loved ones who have the disease of alcoholism/addiction. Maybe this may help you and alateen may help your nephews when they are old enough.
Please keep posting here and reaching out for help!
For me Al-Anon has helped me tremendously in dealing with the way I have been affected by my loved ones who have the disease of alcoholism/addiction. Maybe this may help you and alateen may help your nephews when they are old enough.
Please keep posting here and reaching out for help!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
My two cents - for what it's worth, I agree with Winnie. Being too honest and up-front with someone in your sisters situation seems like something that might come back and complicate matters somehow. As you said, your sisters thinking is confusing and while you can't imagine what she would do, that's the problem - the thinking is so "stinking" you have no idea.
Your nephews are so fortunate to have you and your husband that care so much for them. Hugs to you and your husband and the love you are sharing!
(((hugs)))
Your nephews are so fortunate to have you and your husband that care so much for them. Hugs to you and your husband and the love you are sharing!
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Sunflowers
I attended Ala-Teen many many years ago when the man my mother was married to had to attend AA. I can't say that it really did anything for me.
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