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I thought I was serious, I guess I'm just hopeless.

Old 02-16-2009, 10:51 PM
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I thought I was serious, I guess I'm just hopeless.

It's ok. I realise alot of people never get to live a sober life. I decided to give this sobriety thing a try four days ago, yet I drank alot tonight. I can't even say I wanted to, yet I did. Who do you trust? Quite frankly, I don't trust anyone. I don't trust my friends, I don't trust myself, I don't trust God or a higher power. Who do you trust? When the members here said " Hey, hang in there, it's gets easier," well I trusted that. The drive to have a drink was driving me crazy today. My skin actually flet as if it was crawling. I stopped in to this website this afternoon, then took a shower and went to the bar. For those of you who may say, "Oh, he's not ready yet," I firmly disagree. I've been ready for a long time now, yet I don't know how to do it. The suggestions seem to work for a little while, but then the newness wears off and I'm left with an overwhelming desire just to have a drink to quiet the demons in my soul.

I sincerely appreciate all of you who tried to help me. That's truly wonderful.
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:01 PM
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Most of us here are trying to change the habit of a lifetime, Firestorm - it takes a lot longer than 4 days to do that.

4 days is barely enough time for the detox part of the process.

It does get easier - but it takes a lot longer than half a week. Don't worry about trust issues or anything else - just focus on not drinking for now.

I dunno what your support system is, but I do know there's always someone here to talk to when you're crawling out of your skin.

We've all been there - it is possible to get past that, I promise.

Don't give up.
D
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:02 PM
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I remember going through the same thing, wanting desperately to quit but always weakening in the evening. If I managed to get three days sobriety, chances were the fourth day I would collapse. Well, I now have 53 days sobriety. I came on here, went to a few meetings, stopped seeing my drinker friends and just focused on my sobriety. It can be done, no doubt about it.
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:04 PM
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Hey Firestorm,

I would never tell you if you're ready or not-only you can know that. I think you're being pretty hard on yourself though-4 days?That's not long.

Withdrawal-especially initially?Isn't fun and I felt like crap for about two weeks before I started to feel more 'normal' again.People weren't lying to you when they said hang in there-it gets better.It does.But you have to remember-it took us years of drinking sometimes to get here-so it's not going to be fixed overnight.(or in 4 days)

You can do this though and we will support you.But yes-it's tough.I can't tell you it's anything else.But the physical symptoms go away after a while.Then we have all the other stuff to deal with!

Check out the stickies here at the top of the page though-'Withdrawing-what to expect' it might give you a bit more insight into what it's like in the first few days/weeks.Here's the link....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

You don't have to live like this anymore.You can change.Don't give up hope.

Jules.
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:28 PM
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You might remember ...in another thread of yours I shared about
changes. The hardest for me in early sobriety was to give up
bars and my friends....who also drank excessively.
As I too was divorced...all my socializing was centered on bars.

Not only did I drink in bars/lounges/clubs and hotels
I worked in them for years and loved the ambience/lifestyle.

If I was to live sober....and I desperately wanted to
all that had to change. Took me 4 years to finally quit.

4 days? Heck...I was only weakly crawling out of my de tox.
You were ahead of me on that!

I do hope you returne and make a fresh start.
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Old 02-17-2009, 12:04 AM
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I went through this for ages and gave up giving up in the end, drank almost everyday and functioned quite well in a high paid job in a foreign country. I didn't realise when i was saying i can't drink without getting drunk and i am an alcoholic that an invisible (to me) tiny part of me still deluded me that i could control it - DELUSION. It took me going to an alcohol counselor, getting on antabuse pill which i take once a day and even anti depressants to give me a 4 month kick start into sobriety! I could not be happier and yes it is crazy to think i could not give up for 2 days and now i have 4 months.

I spent years looking at going to rehab, in Spain, UK, Gibraltar even the States. I would say to myself but i can't afford the time off i have x amount saved and that will take x% of it and then it will be a hassle to find a job when i come out. Best one was when i was 30 was working in the dot com boom had saved up, doing programming, 200k, had a lotus and porche, **** me i didnt go to rehab, guess what i had in my pocket a year later thanks to drinking and my great lifestyle?! 0!!!!

37 now, get down to an alcohol counselor if you do not trust AA, trust them because you have to! Trust me because i don't want you to wait another 7 years or more. If you could have done it by yourself you would have done it already.

One more thing on trust I would have done anything to get sober last year, i was on my knees, maybe you will wait until then but as i said in a previous post you want to be make sure that you can get back up, even with help!

PM me if you like, check out my blog posts from last year when in was doing exactly the same as you, i read them and cringe...what a ******* loon i was!
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Old 02-17-2009, 12:31 AM
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The first few days were very hard. I am about three and a half months sober and have been going to AA meetings for about 8 months. Most of that 8 months, I haven't had a drink, but I think about it a lot. On my own, I couldn't have gone four days without a drink. I think all you can do is surround yourself with whatever support systems you can and keep trying.

Even though I was more than desperate to stop and more than willing to do whatever it took, it still took some time for it to 'take'. Even though my life is already enormously improved, I still want to drink, even knowing where it took me and where it will take me if I pick up again.

Four days without a drink is great effort! Keep trying. Don't let alcohol fool you into thinking you either can't or don't need to give up. When I first found this website, I wasn't able to stop drinking so I'd sit here and read it with a glass of wine in hand. Just keep coming back and posting about what's going on for you, even if you are drinking.
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Old 02-17-2009, 01:01 AM
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Don't fall for the all-or-nothing voice. Right now, concentrate on the detoxification process. You can think about your own path to recovery and the higher power or otherwise later, when your thoughts clear. One of the biggest things that the voice of the addiction uses is the trust issue.
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Old 02-17-2009, 02:29 AM
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Hey there firestorm, sorry to see you down. But, you know, you absolutely can do this. As everyone says, this is just the start, and everyone knows how tough it is. Come on, who jumps on a bike and can ride and never fall off right from the start?

For what it's worth, I first tried to stop drinking about ten years ago. I've tried a few times since then.... This year, I first tried at the start of January. I didn't make it past day 4. I tried again a little later and didn't make it past day 3. Tried to "taper" my drinking, but that was madness - all of this in the last six weeks!

But I learned a lot from those so called "failures," worked hard to get good support in place, and on day four now I'm not drinking today, one hour at a time, going to meetings, coming here, and so far that's what I need to do to not drink. I only know about right now, not tomorrow, or even tonight, because damn right it's hard. But you and I both know we want sobriety. And I honestly feel that you absolutely WILL find your own way, and you absolutely WILL stop drinking. Peace to you.
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:38 AM
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I sure feel like a total bonehead.

I'm grateful to all of you for caring enough to show me that I should care more for myself. Who else do we have, at the end of the day? So I'm starting fresh again today. Quitters never win, so I'm not going to quit trying to find a way to change myself and my life, and to learn to live sober. So, today's a new day, and I'm back at the starting gate. Thus far this morning, I haven't had a drink, and that's a pretty good start.
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:43 AM
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Fantastic, dude.
I haven't had a drink, and that's a pretty good start.
It's a pretty good NOW! LOL Just keep RIGHT NOW without a drink, and you'll do fine.
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:47 AM
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Day by day - hour by hour if needs be Firestorm - just for a while

You can do it.
D
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Old 02-17-2009, 04:29 AM
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One minute, one hour, one day at a time will get you thru today. Just don't drink for today. Yesterday's gone and tomorrow's not here yet. All you have is Today, so don't drink just for Today! And yes, it does get better, but it takes some time and there is a lot of back and forth in your emotional and physical health for a while, but it DOES get better.

:ghug3
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Old 02-17-2009, 04:53 AM
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I'll take a bet that you read all those posts that say by day 4 or 5 you feel much better. Perhaps you have confused that with feeling like your pre-drinking self straight away. I find sometimes I withdraw and I feel good a day or two in. Other times I find that I am feeling depressed and rough for at least a week. I know its difficult to hear, but if you stick with it then sooner or later you will feel better. I've tried and tested it and it does work. The hardest part for me was deciding whether or not I actually wanted to stop drinking. It has been a lot easier to drink less and not at all while wanting to avoid the stuff than it ever was for me when I actually wanted to still enjoy the booze ups. Sounds like you really want to not have to have the extra drink so if that's the case you're half way there.
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:35 AM
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Good for you Firestorm!

I'm so glad you're back and feeling more positive.

Carol's comment about making changes in your life, aside from stopping drinking, was so true for me. Try to remember that stopping drinking is the beginning, but making positive changes in your life, is what will keep you sober.
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:22 AM
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Wow! You scared me a bit there Firestorm. No one is helpless. There have been so many people that have had a slip up after starting this process and thank God they didn't all call it quits. We wouldn't have many members left here on SR. I believe (my opinion only) that when one does slip up it is definitely an opportunity to discovery why. What happened that weakened my resolve? What was the trigger? Was it just so early in the process and I didn't think I could reach out for help?

You said you came to SR and then went out to the bar. How about next time coming to SR and telling people you are "thinking" of going drinking tonight and can anyone help me overcome this desire? There are many that do this and it works. I, myself, have reached out to SR when urges have hit and its helped me overcome them. As Dee says you go 24 hours or minute by minute. The cravings do pass.

I still crave occasionally, but not nearly as much as I did in the beginning and just knowing that they will come and they will go is enough to get me through it. There are many people that you can pm here and don't tell anyone, but one I like to pm is Dee. His hours are screwy because he lives in Australia, but don't hold that against him. I have pm'd many and just talking with them and LISTENING to them has helped.

Please reach out BEFORE you give in. Its okay to reach out after, but you may be able to prevent an after. Just my opinion and THANK YOU FOR NOT GIVING UP!!
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:57 AM
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We have to walk through the discomfort to get past it.
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:17 AM
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I'm glad you've made the decision to quit. It's sooo hard, but worth the pain and tough choices we all have had and continue to have to make.

Quitting, and continuing to quit if we fall, is the only choice for all of us here I think.

Life cannot be what it is suppose to be if we are drowning in booze or drugs, that is a fact that I know. The rest of the process of what to do on my way to a new and true life...I am learning with the help of all my friends here at SR.
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:24 AM
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Good for you Firestorm.
Quitting is a process and you are back to a good start.
Don't ever quit quitting.
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:38 AM
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I'm here with you, Firestorm. So far this morning, I haven't had a drink, either. But I've been posting/reading/posting/reading, fighting the stooooopid dumb bu**head voice...I think I'll go kiss my cat. Then back to SR...
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