gingernyc

I have been a steady, heavy drinker for more years than I would like to admit. I have tried to quit once before and made it to 30 days just to tell myself I could. As soon as I got to day 30, on day 31 out came the wine. That was about 5 years ago. I have decided I am going to quit this Friday, the 20th of Feb--for many reasons, work schedule, etc. I have been to my doctor and he has prescribed librium to help me get through the detox at home. I am really so afraid of what life will be like without drinking. I have the support of my husband, but my 18 year old daughter doesn't know what I'm about to do.

I'm scared that I'll just become like a zombie. That is what I was like when I quit before. I had no joy. All I did was cry and think about drinking. I didn't want to be around anyone and I didn't want to do anything, and being in any kind of situation where others were drinking was simply too much. I'm sure I was hell to live with.

Anyway, after all my planning to have this Friday be my quit day, I find out my daughter will be home visiting from college. A spontaneous visit. The whole point of waiting till now was I didn't want her to see me like a wreck. She was home over the holidays and I decided to postpone this until she was back at school. Besides just wanting some support, I also want to know what folks think about what I should say to her? I honestly feel like this weekend will be one of shakes, tears, fitful sleep and more tears. I envisioned myself just locking myself in my bedroom for 3 days. Now I have the added pressure of her visit. Thoughts?

Anna

Hi,

I spent a year finding excuses to put off stopping drinking. There is always a reason to not stop, not yet. During that time, my drinking worsened.

For me, I did not say anything to anyone when I finally decided to stop. I didn't want the spotlight on me. I had already inconvenienced and upset my family enough, I didn't want them to have to deal with more.

I'm glad you talked to your dr and I hope that you keep reading and posting. You'll find lots of information and support here.

Hevyn

Welcome Ginger. I'll let some of the wiser parents of teenagers answer your question, but I think just to tell her straight up that you feel you've become too dependent on it, you want to experience life without it, and you're concerned about your health if you continue the way you've been going.

I know what you mean about being a zombie. We're such a slave to our anesthesia, we almost have to learn to live again without it. We fool ourselves into believing it's actually helping us, when in fact it's killing our emotions and feelings, making us numb to the joy in life. Sure wish I'd realized that - say, 25 years ago! Let yourself have time to get used to living without it - it takes way more than 30 days. I've been sober a little over a year, and the first few months were the hardest. After that, hope and joy began to enter my life once again. You will never regret this gift you are about to give yourself and your family. Welcome to a wonderful community of friends.

James13

Good job visiting the doctor, and congratulations on your decision!

I think it's great you are coming clean to your daughter. Just be honest, and accept your feelings. You are "getting real" so to speak, and it seems you have some great reasons to do that.

You will find a whole bunch of support here.

Peace to you.

gingernyc

Thanks 51Anna, James 13 and Hevyn. I know that my daughter must on some level realize that my dependence is unhealthy. She's no fool. I guess I thought I could hide my struggle and then appear--TA DA! ALL BETTER. This comes from the crazy thing that parents do which is try to protect their children from worry and suffering. She has been going through her own late adolescent angst and I didn't want to add to it. I also think that if I'm honest, if I fail or slip, no big deal because I haven't made a proclamation--I haven't said, "Mommy is going to get sober and stay sober." I guess I don't have to say the "stay sober" part. She probably won't be home that much anyway. I never was when I came home for a weekend. 51Anna, you are so right about not wanting the spotlight on me. This is exactly how I feel.

Your words, Hevyn, are helpful. "I've become too dependent on it, I want to experience life without it, and I'm concerned about my health if I continue the way I've been going."

Thanks to you all.

Horselover

Welcome to SR Gingernyc. You said you tried to do this before for 30 days I believe. That was pretty good. Would you consider finding a face to face support group? Do you have someone you can call that is sober and could help you with your emotions? I used SR when I quit, but I was so done with alcohol that it was enough for me. I would highly recommend finding some type of support group whether it be AA, Smart Recovery or anything so you have some phone numbers to call and of course, feel free to post here. You can pm me anytime you need also. We are definitely here for you. Hugs to you and you CAN do this.

Fubarcdn

If you have made up your mind don't put it off.
Just tell your daughter that you are quitting drinking for good.
That is what I did with my kids and they are being supportive. Good luck.

least

I'm glad you have medical help for your detox. As for your daughter, I don't know what I'd say. Maybe just that you want to become a better you and get yourself healthier. And she'll see your efforts, which should tell her a lot. Trust in yourself that you will be able to get and stay sober, one day at a time.

glad you're here!

CarolD

.....Welcome to our recovery community