xoxjordyn

My mom is a "recovered" alcholic. (I am 16) She went to a rehabilitation centre and came back sober. This was about 6 months ago. Now my brother and I keep finding alcohol hidden in her purse. When we confront her about it she makes us feel stupid for being mad about it. She keeps saying "What harm is it doing?" and "Why can't I just drink socially like a normal person?"

Any ideas on what I can tell her?
I'm really lost.

laurie6781

WELCOME to SR. You have found a great place!

Actually there is nothing you can 'tell' her. It is up to her to find recovery.

However, not knowing where in BC you are, see if there are any Alateen meetings in your area, if not, look for AlAnon. You will find some great folks there, of all ages, who will help you to help you.

It is hard living with an alcoholic parent I know. I wish I had known about Alanon back then.

Just remember sweetie, you didn't CAUSE this, you can't CONTROL this, and you can't CURE this. It is NOT YOUR FAULT, even though at some point she may blame you and your brother, it is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing and how we can help you as we do care very much.

Unfortunately, alcoholism is a progressive disease and until your mother makes the CHOICE to seek and maintain recovery, I don't think you will see many changes.

Love and hugs,

Taking5

Tell her she cannot drink like a normal person because she is an alcoholic.

Bernadette

Hiya xoxjordyn--
welcome--

Don't drive yourself crazy keeping tabs on mom's alcohol in her purse-- you've seen it so you KNOW she's drinking. Whatever she says is just what we call alcoholic "quacking" and an alcoholic will use their words to manipulate and distort the feelings of their loved ones-- now as an adult I can just tune out the quacking of alcoholics but when I was a teenager - how could I not listen to my dad??!! It's a topsy turvy world...keep yourself safe based on what you know and not on what she "tells" you.

My dad finally got sober and recovered when I was 15- he went through detox and then he attended AA for a very long time. Like Laurie said- I wish I had access to AlAteen meetings when I was your age. AlAnon/ AlAteen is the group that meets to help the loved ones of alcoholics. They have lots of good info and you can just sit and listen at meetings you don't have to share.

Here's a link for BC:
British Columbia Al-Anon & Alateen

Keep reading around this site too - lots of good info - and keep posting-- you're not alone!!
peace,
b.

dothi

Quoted for truth.

There is no magic argument you can come up with to convince your mom she's out of line. If she can't acknowledge how her drinking has hurt you in the first place, how can she understand why finding alcohol in her purse is so upsetting for you? She doesn't want to know, and it sounds like she's using the same tactics that most alcoholics do: she's turned the problem into you by making you feel stupid. It's to get you to shut up and go away so she can resume.

Everyone's advice here is dead on, especially about Al-anon & Alateen. You and your brother should not have to police your mom. If anything your mom should be giving you support and encouragement for taking responsibility and addressing this problem like an adult. You absolutely deserve that support and recognition. The thing is, if you're not getting it from your mom, what are you supposed to do with the frustration that comes from being ignored? This is where Alateen will really help. You don't deserve to have your concerns ignored and you certainly don't deserve to feel like you and your brother are in this alone.

You can't control your mom or make her choices for her, but you can control you and how you react to her drinking. Give it some thought. And definitely, definitely post here as often as you like! Welcome to SR

LosingmyMisery

Normal people do not hide alcohol in their purses.

LarryATL

Hi xoxjordyn, you could be my son... who is also 16... his mom is also an alcoholic, she also went to a rehab facility, came back, and within a few days started drinking again. That was over two years ago, and she is still "active" (meaning still drinking). So I see first hand how an alcoholic parent affects a teen child.... I've observed it first hand for the last several years. It's tough enough enough being a teenager but to have this to deal with, too, is so tough....

You showed great strength and courage coming here to post, and reaching out for help - great job ! Don't be ashamed about what's going on, or of your mom.... alcoholism affects millions of people in our society and chances are many of your schoolmates have alcoholics in their families. It is unfortunately very common and therefore is nothing to be ashamed of.

You have already been given some great advice in the other replies, which I won't repeat. If you are willing to try Alateen, that would be of great benefit I'm sure. If you are not (my son refused to go to Alateen), then at your age it would be acceptable to attend Alanon (my son agreed to try Alanon this year at age 16). But I strongly urge you to check out either program.

Is your Dad living with you ? What is his perspective on your Mom's alcoholism? Perhaps he could attend Alanon with you.

Keep posting, we're here to help.

Larry

Ago

I just wanted to say Hi, and welcome, you are doing the right thing by coming here, and you have gotten some great advice.

She asked "What harm is it doing?" and "Why can't I just drink socially like a normal person?"

I would answer because social drinkers don't keep Booze in their Purse, by definition, it's not "social drinking", there is nothing social about taking a few belts off a bottle in your purse when no one is looking.

Good Luck, and hang in there, I was raised by alcoholic parents, I know what that is like.....

mle-sober

XOXJordyn,

I just want to second what everyone else said. You do not deserve to be in this position and it utterly sucks. I'm sorry.

I hope you have some personal support in your family or friends. And I hope you find Alateen.

We care. Keep posting here!

mle

nelco

I just want to wish you well and offer a kind word. You are not alone ,and many people your age are finding support groups in their areas. Maybe someone here could direct you... I hope your family get support.