Glenna9802

I posted another message yesterday about how I went to my first Al-Anon meeting and all the feelings it was stirring up inside me. My AH was making fun of the whole thing and also about him going to AA after he initially said he was going to do it. I just wasn't in a good frame of mind, and I felt like I wanted to drink my feelings rather than deal with them, which has become a habit for me lately (mostly my own fault, but partly from living with an A and seeing how he handles his own feelings).

Anyway, last night after he got home from work, he had his usual bottle of vodka and had already been drinking it during his shift and on the way home. He told me that he was feeling "generous" and made me a drink, then said, "Of course, I wouldn't want to ENABLE you." I didn't have the strength not to take the drink and then two more after that. It did make me feel better temporarily, but this morning I felt terrible again and even worse.

I did find a meeting this morning at the last minute and only got there about halfway through. It was really beautiful, right on the beach under the pier with the boats going by, and lots of positive people there. The lady who ran the meeting told me of a meeting tonight that was Al-Anon plus AA together and strongly recommended that I go. I got a babysitter lined up, but she canceled out at the last minute, and now I can't go. So I came here instead.

I'm so tired of the craziness. My husband stays up drinking all night and sleeps all day, and I have to be quiet and keep a 2-year-old quiet. The house is a wreck--I'm either too anxious to function or end up drinking with AH and then can't function either. As I mentioned before, my boys are growing up without me because I can't bring them to my house around AH, and I can't blame my ex-husband as I wouldn't want to bring them into this insanity either.

I'm desperate for some peace like those people in the meeting seem to have. I want to like myself like they do. I'm so tired of the sickness of dysfunction, alcoholism and codependency. I wish I could bring my daughter to that meeting tonight, but I don't want to be disruptive.

Thanks for listening.

mle-sober

Glenna,

You sound like you are having a hard time seeing your way through a lot of cr@p. Like you could use some CLARITY. I love that word. When I first stopped drinking, that was the major gift I was given. It didn't happen all at once but it did happen. And even the little bit of clarity that I received after only a few days of not drinking, was precious.

I would urge you not to drink. By drinking, you are contributing to the problem. You are not helping yourself. And you are hurting your older children and possibly endangering your 2-year old. Blaming your AH, even in part, for your own drinking takes you no further into recovery. In fact, it gives him power that he doesn't deserve.

I'm glad you now know about the meeting that includes both AA and Al-anon. Now you can plan ahead to attend next time. What a wonderful thing!

BTW - Just because your AH husband is passed out doesn't mean you HAVE to be quiet and keep a 2-year old quiet. That's his problem, not yours, right?

I haven't read our earlier posts so maybe I'm missing something. And if so, I apologize. I hope you take your power back and down let your AH's disease dominate your own life. And the lives of your children.

Look for moments of clarity and embrace them as wholeheartedly as you can. I'm glad you're here.

Freedom1990

I had my youngest daughter two years into my recovery from alcoholism. She went to a ton of meetings with me because often I didn't have a babysitter. It can often be a challenge to keep them occupied at the toddler stage, but it is do-able. Everyone was kind and accepting. They knew my life depended on my sobriety.

:ghug :ghug

Ago

Many meetings have child care.

Many times people with more "sober time" will happily watch your child for you, they call it "being of service" and that's how they stay sober, and why they are happy, when we are caring for others, at least for a brief moment in time, we are free of ourselves, and the "bondage of self" that keeps us trapped.

Please don't use your daughter as an excuse not to go, meetings are a much healthier environment then what she has been dealing with, she may enjoy the attention and the chance to get out of the house too. I also have seen toddlers sit and play in the room while a meeting is in progress, those people are there to save their life as well, they will support you and know that you will be trying to get well in order to give your daughter a better life and they will help you.

AA and Alanon is an extremely potent combination used in conjunction with each other, they address exactly what you are going through.

If you truly want they have, then do what they do, and what they do is go to meetings as if their life depends on it...because it does.

I always say to myself, "an object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest, tends to remain at rest" and force myself into motion, and then it gets easier.

Please, once again, don't use your daughter as an excuse not go to a meeting, instead, use your daughter as the reason to go, children are too young to make their own decisions, it's up to us to make the decisions for them, so please, make the healthy decision. Get well...get help.

I feel as if you have a window open right now of open mindedness, these windows don't stay open for long in my experience, please take this opportunity, next time you look up your daughter may be grown and gone and living with a man just like your husband, and you will have a flashback to this time, and know you could have made a difference in your little girls life, but chose not to because you "couldn't find a babysitter".

There is a line in the Big Book of AA about how alcohol affects "the warped lives of blameless children" that makes me tear up whenever I read it, because I was that child, I am a result of "the warped life of a blameless child" by alcoholism in my family.

I wouldn't change my life for anything today, but, as a sober alcoholic that actually goes to meetings, has sought psychiatric help, has gone to therapy, has had for the most part a healthy adulthood (I got sober at 27) but I am what? one in a thousand? one in ten thousand? one in a million? how many alcoholics, children of alcoholics don't seek help? just repeat the same patterns and reproduce yet another generation of "warped lives of blameless children" with other practicing alcoholics/codependents.

You have a Golden Opportunity here, you are having a "moment of clarity" these are gifts only given a few times in our lives, don't waste it, if not for your sake, then the sake of ALL of your children, meeting your kids once a week at a McDonalds is no way to raise a child...get help...it's there.

Sorry to push so hard, but this is your chance, take it, we don't get very many of them, trust me, I know this from experience, I have see too many people hem and haw and make excuses, and never make it back, and I have seen over 50 of them die in my time.....

This is Life and Death, for you and your children, make no mistake about that, don't use your husband or your child as an excuse to not go get sober and healthy, the choice isn't theirs, the choice is yours.

Glenna9802

I spoke to the lady who runs the AA/Al-Anon meeting on the phone just now, and she asked me not to bring my daughter to the meeting and instead come next Saturday. I was all geared up to go anyway and now feel disappointed. I can still go to an Al-Anon meeting tomorrow night, but I hate missing this one. I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin right now.

Ago

There's no such person "as the lady who runs the AA/Al-Anon meeting"

Tradition Two—For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

I am going to guess this was an alanon meeting because no AA meeting in the WORLD would tell you to wait a week. Can you try an AA meeting?

Nobody "runs" anything in either program, sometimes we take turns as secretary, that's all.

For me I drove 50-100 miles a day 5-7 nights a week, 3-5 hours a night for six months on a suspended license to get to meetings when I had to get up at 5 AM, I happily risked jail to go to meetings, my life was at stake.

Do what you feel is best, I've said what I can.

Glenna9802

Does that mean you think I should show up anyway even after what she said? I would like to go. I feel like my soul is sick.

Ago

I didn't let anything stand between me and my sobriety/recovery when I made that decision.

Anything.

Including my relationship with my family, my job, my girlfriend, anything, only you can decide what is right for you, but for me, once I made the decision, I didn't let anything stand in my way of my recovery.....anything.

It is the single most important thing in my life, anything or anybody gets between me and my recovery, they are gone.

Life and death is life and death.

One of my favorite mottos is, and I live this is, "Do what it takes to get it done no matter what"

Like Yoda said, "there is no try, there is only do"

Which is more important, your daughters and your life and mental well being or this womans feelings?

Also, what about an AA meeting? You might be surprised at what you hear, and they might be more laid back about the kid issue.

CarolD

Hi again...
I sared with you on the Alcoholism Forum.
Good to know you are going to explore both programs.

Blessings to you and your family

serenityqueen