Help ----- feel my self slipping again!
"Taking the risk to blossom"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: a little piece of heaven! Ontario Canada
Posts: 245
Help ----- feel my self slipping again!
My daughter had her wisdom teeth out on Thursday -- I was stressed because I thought my AH would want to come with me -- but he didn't even ask. I was glad and sad at the same time.
she has been recovering and he has chose to go missing in action, until just a few minutes ago. Shows up all happy with valentine's day gifts for the girls. The big hero again.
I'm so mad I could burst. Why do I let him get to me like that? I want to scream at him that she could have used her dad during the last few days (even just to know that he cared). I want to "let him have it" and it is taking everything I have not to.
I know that I need to let it go. I know it is his loss. But when it hurts my kids, I want to scream.
Words of courage would help here!!!!!
she has been recovering and he has chose to go missing in action, until just a few minutes ago. Shows up all happy with valentine's day gifts for the girls. The big hero again.
I'm so mad I could burst. Why do I let him get to me like that? I want to scream at him that she could have used her dad during the last few days (even just to know that he cared). I want to "let him have it" and it is taking everything I have not to.
I know that I need to let it go. I know it is his loss. But when it hurts my kids, I want to scream.
Words of courage would help here!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I found for me, anger was always a secondary emotion, and underneath was either pain or fear.
I was angry for years at my youngest daughter's father, a father who has now not drank and been in AA for over 33 years. He wasn't a father to his first set of kids when he was actively drinking, and wasn't there for the second set after he quit drinking.
Some things never change.
Underneath all that anger and rage I felt was pain, pain that my daughter suffered from an absentee father, and pain that I had made such a poor choice for a sperm donor.
That was a hard pill for me to swallow.
When I finally allowed myself to feel that pain, cry till I thought I had no more tears, and cry some more, and to walk through that pain, I made progress.
I was able to start seeing the blessings that God had given me in the form of a beautiful daughter.
I was able to forgive myself for my choices and focus on what was good in my life.
I was angry for years at my youngest daughter's father, a father who has now not drank and been in AA for over 33 years. He wasn't a father to his first set of kids when he was actively drinking, and wasn't there for the second set after he quit drinking.
Some things never change.
Underneath all that anger and rage I felt was pain, pain that my daughter suffered from an absentee father, and pain that I had made such a poor choice for a sperm donor.
That was a hard pill for me to swallow.
When I finally allowed myself to feel that pain, cry till I thought I had no more tears, and cry some more, and to walk through that pain, I made progress.
I was able to start seeing the blessings that God had given me in the form of a beautiful daughter.
I was able to forgive myself for my choices and focus on what was good in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I used to live in a world where nothing was as it "should" be. Where every little bit of my energy and focus was on what was not right. I opposed reality fiercely and vehemently every single moment. Not surprisingly, I was miserable.
What a relief it was to let go of the demand that everything be as I wanted it. To finally accept that I had no control over any of it. What a concept to learn that how I deal with reality is what makes me miserable, or empowers me--my choice.
L
What a relief it was to let go of the demand that everything be as I wanted it. To finally accept that I had no control over any of it. What a concept to learn that how I deal with reality is what makes me miserable, or empowers me--my choice.
L
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