Fighting for Custody Part II

Old 02-14-2009, 05:41 AM
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Fighting for Custody Part II

Part one can be found at

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ustody-21.html

Carry on ...
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Old 02-14-2009, 01:28 PM
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The irony of addiction is that it slowly destroys the brain, and the brain needs to be functioning properly in order for the addict to recognize that it's time to stop.

Yesterday we found out that my sister had left the recovery house after about 3 weeks there. The woman who answered the resident's phone line said she was back living with the boyfriend, Mr. Hairy Scary.

Today my niece phoned her on the boyfriend's cell phone. Sister pretended she was still in the recovery house. When my niece called her on the lie and said they'd told her that her mother wasn't there anymore, my sister pretended that it was misunderstanding and that they must have meant she just wasn't there at the moment.

My sister used to be a much more talented liar than this.

Just another skill she has lost as her brain slowly melts.
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Old 02-15-2009, 05:05 AM
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Wow....and so the quacking goes on....
What verse are we on now?

HG
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Old 02-15-2009, 05:15 AM
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Gee, if I was to ever talk to your sister, I'd be saying "whatever" a lot! I think she's at the point she doesn't even try to make up good lies any more. She's been lying for so long, she just does it out of habit...whether it's a "good" lie or something that's totally obvious a lie.

In another week, or so, she'll have some reason for why she had to leave...it will be all their fault.

Although I do think the brain does shrink from long term drug use, I think a part of it is also your sister's mental issues and her need to be right all the time, and her need to have things going HER way. Once a rehab/treatment center doesn't do what she wants, she's out of there.

Keep on doing what you're doing, which is being an awesome aunt to your neice!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-15-2009, 05:58 AM
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Your niece is blessed to have you! I hope that your niece will see thru the lies and know that it has nothing to do with her. Not sure how old your niece is, just wondering if perhaps Al-ateen meetings would be helpful for her.

Hang in there! You are doing an awesome job.

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 02-15-2009, 10:02 AM
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I've been trying very hard to make it clear to my niece that her mother's decisions are NOT her fault and that she cannot take responsibility for anything her mom does. I tell her so all the time. She's probably sick of hearing it but I'm not going to stop telling her!

As for this nonsense about pretending she's still in the recovery house, I told my niece she doesn't need to confront her mom about it. She can just say, "whatever," like you said, Amy! But she seems to want to talk to her about it... kind of. I'm not sure. She was bound and determined to have it out with her last night and then when the time came to make the phone call she decided she didn't want to talk to her after all. (Can't blame her for that.)

It's a hard realization for my niece to be figuring out that her mom might never get better. But I'm trying to be honest with her as gently as I can.

Alateen is a good idea, Chris, and thanks for mentioning it. I've offered it to her a couple of times and she's been reluctant. She does go to counselling, which I've made her do even though she didn't want to! And actually, I think she's enjoying it to some degree. I'm going to keep offering Alateen... I definitely want her to understand she's not the only one.

Thanks, everyone, for the endless support... appreciated SO much as always!
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Old 02-15-2009, 07:38 PM
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Today while we were out, my sister called and left a message for her daughter saying she wanted to "clear something up".

So my niece called her and my sister said she is, in fact, staying at Hairy Scary's again, but she hasn't left the treatment centre permanently. She claims they've given her a 10 day pass to go and "straighten some things out".

My niece was smart enough to know that was crap and told her she didn't believe it.

Her mother told her it was sad that she was allowing herself to be brainwashed by her Auntie Lisa. (It's true... I deprive her of food and beat a drum all hours of the day... while I chant... "Your mom's a liar. Your mom's a liar...)

My niece tried to tell her mom that she wasn't brainwashed and my sister said, "Love you, bye," and hung up on her. Nice. What a jerk.

In ten days I've got ten bucks on the idea that the centre "goes back on their promise and won't let her back in". Anyone want to bet against me?
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Old 02-16-2009, 02:58 AM
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Not me! In 10 days, she will probably have forgotten the story she told your niece, anyway...she'll have another story cooked up.

On the one hand, this is a good thing..she is only making it easier for the court, and everyone else, to see that she is not capable of taking care of herself, much less her daughter. On the other hand, I know it has to be hard to watch her continue to self destruct.

I will continue to keep you all (yes, including your sister) in my prayers. Even though I want to smack her over the head, sometimes, I won't stop praying that she eventually finds the desire to help herself.

In the meantime, keep being the wonderful auntie Lisa that you are!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-16-2009, 04:53 AM
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I have to agree with Amy....another story will surface from the pea soup fog in which her brain is currently housed. This story will be gone, another one will take it's place. My prayers added for you all. HUGS, HG
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Old 02-16-2009, 03:47 PM
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Sister, Can we have a life without this crap? It just gets ridiculous even when we try to escape the effects of these people, family or not, they still try to keep the monotonous drama and hurt going. It's difficult enough we can't have them healthily in our lives, but they don't stop!!!! I'm calling on God to do something mightily!!! I'm just so sick of it and I know you are too!!! My sympathies to you and neice.

NH7
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Old 02-16-2009, 10:12 PM
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Thanks guys.

I'm having one of those days, those emotional ones where you get all caught up in remembering the person when they were better. I keep thinking about her when she was a little girl with a self-esteem and a sense of humour and a brain that functioned.

I'm idealizing the past, of course, because she always had problems. But she used to be so much more reachable. I wish there was some way I could reach her.

I'm trying hard to give it up to HP with sincerity... but part of me is still struggling with that.

I'm working on it.

But today has been one of those days.
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Old 02-16-2009, 10:23 PM
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PS: Thank you for praying for her; I appreciate it hugely. She needs a miracle even more than she needs a smack. I'm going to focus on sending her my love without sending my heart... if that makes any sense.
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Old 02-16-2009, 10:34 PM
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Isn't that called "detachment" I believe when your niece is ready, she'll seek out alateen, in the meantime, thank god she has you!

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 02-17-2009, 04:05 PM
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Originally Posted by SistersHelp View Post
PS: Thank you for praying for her; I appreciate it hugely. She needs a miracle even more than she needs a smack. I'm going to focus on sending her my love without sending my heart... if that makes any sense.
It makes total sense to me. I've said a prayer for both of you.
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:15 PM
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I called my sister today. First time I've talked to her in quite awhile. She admitted to me that she was kicked out of the treatment centre. Maybe it's progress that she admitted that. Her story about why didn't really make a lot of sense... she said there were personality clashes with one of the directors... and that she got busted with pills in her purse. (The weird part is that she claimed the pills were planted by one of the staff... sighhhhh....)

The good part is that she said she wants to go back and that the centre allowed her to submit paperwork to be taken back in a second time. They will get back to her in about a week.

I called the centre and spoke to one of the directors (the one she has all the trouble with) and explained a little bit more information about her past. The director said that knowing this new information might help to get her back in and asked if she could have her boss call me. I said she was welcome to call me.

Another positive thing was that this director told me that her opinion was that my sister really was trying. Not that she wasn't making some huge errors... but that she was trying. This was encouraging.

I really hope she gets back into treatment.

My feeling after talking to the director was that they might be willing to give her another chance.

Keep those prayers coming... you SR people are magic. I know you are.
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:34 PM
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:praying for all of you
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:56 PM
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((Lisa)) as frustrated as I get with your sister, and the whole situation, I will ALWAYS pray for her, as well as you, hubby and your niece. I will never give up hope on anyone who is an addict, whether or not they have mental issues. Too many people told my dad to give up on me...I'm glad he didn't.

Our prayers may not be answered when we want, or in they way we want, but I do believe that God hears us and does what is best.

I'm glad the treatment center may give her a 2nd chance, and that she was mostly honest about what happened.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
((Lisa)) as frustrated as I get with your sister, and the whole situation, I will ALWAYS pray for her, as well as you, hubby and your niece. I will never give up hope on anyone who is an addict, whether or not they have mental issues.
What Amy said.....:praying

I hope that she will be accepted again and that she keeps trying. Do something spectacularly nice for you, your husband, and your niece this week! (Scrabble death match anyone?):ghug2

Hugs, HG
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:27 PM
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oooh, I wanna play scrabble!!!
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Old 02-18-2009, 07:32 PM
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Amy, thank you so much for your prayers for all of us. I feel like a giant sponge sucking up all your support and offering nothing in return! I want you to know that I am praying for you too, for Brit and your stepmom and Dad. For everyone. And for all my SR people who have come to be such amazing friends and such a special support network in my life. <---- HG, that means you too! Huge prayers for you and your BF and his son and my hopes that everything gets better for all of you. I have so many kind friends here that I feel I take too much from and never ever can do enough in return to thank them for everything... I'm afraid to start a list because I know I'll forget someone wonderful... !


Just want you all to know how much I appreciate you.

And I wish you could all come here for dinner.
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