HoopNinja

I have been taking our kids to a therapist and psychiatrist for a couple years now--they are adopted and have reactive attachment disorder and PTSD. Older son is on meds and working hard on doing what he needs to do to get better. He is the most courageous boy I know. It is hard work--but he drags himself through the anger and sorrow of being abandoned because he wants to know that he is safe and loved and he has let himself feel that once in awhile and knows it feels good. My younger is working hard too and they both are trying to get better--even though it is hard.
Since last weekend when we were at an adoption reunion with 2 other families and Daddy decided to get blasted both days my older son (8 years old) asked me through tears of sadness and frustration "Why doesn't he have to try to get better? I am still not better and I hate it. At least I am trying." It spoke volumes about how much kids understand. All I could tell him was it is up to his dad to fix himself--he is a grown up--and that he (son) is doing a fantastic job because he is trying and will get better because he wants to.
We had an appointment with the psych this week and he has not known about AH-just that I have asked AH to call him (because he keeps saying in front of our son that his meds are not working). Psych told me him saying this could actually make our son believe that. I sent my son out into the waiting room and told the psych the whole story. I told him AH won't get help and that I am starting divorce proceedings. His response to me was--too many people say that an alcoholic won't or can't get help. In reality they choose not to get help--and that is what you need to tell your son. Your son is lucky he has such a great mom who is looking out for him.
I find I need these reminders as I go through the process of divorce because although their dad is a drunk the kids still love him. It is sometimes hard to see those two things side my side and wonder if I am doing the right thing. Then I got a Valentine from our older son this morning that said "You fill the space in my heart." He gave the same one to his brother and then told me he did not give that one to his dad because it would not be true--and my doubts evaporated again.

WLDKATZ

just count your blessings when you look down at those two trusting boys, they will always let you know their feelings........even if they dont say them, I am so sorry that they as well as you are going threw this good luck and God bless!


Pamm

isitme

WoW.. tears welling.

Like you said, it's amazing what they understand at such a young age.

Freedom1990

That psychiatrist was right, both of those boys are so very blessed to have you as a mother. :ghug




What an affirmation of the love you give him!

dothi

If your son can come away understanding this, he'll be miles ahead of the rest of us in terms of dealing with the alcoholic in his life. It will help him connect that dad's behavior is dad's responsibility - not his, as many of us with alcoholics in our lives slip into believing.

It will be so much better for your son when he no longer has to live with the daily reminder that his value not enough for dad to choose to get better... when he is no longer haunted at every occasion that drinking is more important than his well-being. Keep pulling, Wife2Kids! You're doing a great job!

sillysquirrel

I think your kids are truly blessed to have you for a mom. Pat yourself on the back for doing the best you can for them.

blessed4x

Wife2kids....You are so strong! Two of my four kids are adopted as well, and it is all of that abandonment stuff that makes it so hard for me. They are going to have to deal with the loss of their bio parents AND the loss of an adoptive parent (who on an emotional level is unavailable to them even if he does choose to stay involved). I have tons of guilt about bringing them into this situation, even if it wasn't this bad when we adopted. I feel like I should have seen the signs. Thank you for sharing this.....you have given me hope and helped me not feel so alone today.

kermit

At first glance thru this thread my first thought was "what a jerk" then as I read on... "Wow what a awsome Mom"
Your kids are going to be okay because of your strength, I'm smiling at you!