Staying Sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: boston, ma
Posts: 6
Staying Sober
One thing I'm trying to understand about AA or getting 'better' is the whole staying sober thing. to me staying sober is not getting drunk. Does this mean that when people say sober that they havent had a sip of alcohol? not even at church? Or to toast at a wedding?
I ask because I have to admit i'm craving a glass of wine. I have nothing in the house so i wont...but those of you who say you've been sober for a a year or 4 months, does this mean you've had no alcohol at all?
I ask because I have to admit i'm craving a glass of wine. I have nothing in the house so i wont...but those of you who say you've been sober for a a year or 4 months, does this mean you've had no alcohol at all?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Absolutely no alcohol.
That's how it has to be for me and has been for years. Not in Church and not at a wedding.
And recovery is much more than not drinking. It's learning how to live life and find peace.
That's how it has to be for me and has been for years. Not in Church and not at a wedding.
And recovery is much more than not drinking. It's learning how to live life and find peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by lizzygirl78 
I have nothing in the house so i wont...but those of you who say you've been sober for a a year or 4 months, does this mean you've had no alcohol at all?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes...AA is about totally not drinking alcohol.
It's program ..the 12 Steps...teach you how to
live in abstinance with joy and purpose.
...Many churches now offer grape juice as well as wine
You can toast with water just as sincerely as with champagne.
I've been doing both of these things for yers.
Good to see you here with us...
It's program ..the 12 Steps...teach you how to
live in abstinance with joy and purpose.
...Many churches now offer grape juice as well as wineYou can toast with water just as sincerely as with champagne.
I've been doing both of these things for yers.
Good to see you here with us...
Last edited by CarolD; 02-11-2009 at 07:59 PM.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
My first experiences in AA were back in 1980. At that time, the oldtimers explained being clean and being Clean & Sober.
Being clean is simply not drinking anything at all, not the wine at Church or the champagne toast at a Wedding. But by just being clean, the individual has not done any work on themselves. . . aka a dry drunk.
Being Clean & Sober is being in Recovery. By this, not only is there complete abstinence of liquor of any kind, actions, thoughts and behaviors change. A person is changing their entire outlook on life, not displaying old, using behaviors such as blaming others for all of their problems.
Again, this is just how things were referred to here in the Dayton area. I am in no way saying this is "the official" desciption.
If anyone even noticed, I refer to myself as being Clean & Sober.
Judy
Being clean is simply not drinking anything at all, not the wine at Church or the champagne toast at a Wedding. But by just being clean, the individual has not done any work on themselves. . . aka a dry drunk.
Being Clean & Sober is being in Recovery. By this, not only is there complete abstinence of liquor of any kind, actions, thoughts and behaviors change. A person is changing their entire outlook on life, not displaying old, using behaviors such as blaming others for all of their problems.
Again, this is just how things were referred to here in the Dayton area. I am in no way saying this is "the official" desciption.
If anyone even noticed, I refer to myself as being Clean & Sober.
Judy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
My sobriety date is 2009FEB05, and since then I won't use mouthwash with alcohol in it, won't use vanilla extract in anything I cook like I used to. Me personally, I'm avoiding absolutely anything with alcohol in it. But, maybe that's just me because I'm new to being sober and clean and I know what my old habits are and don't want anything that would "tempt" me or cause me to start drinking again.
Wes
Wes
A new dawn and new chapter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
ZERO! And after past attempts I'm not even joking with the idea that I can have so much as a drink or a small sip. Because I've learned time and time again that's all I need to do to fall right back into that pit!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I've fallen off the wagon twice recently, both times just wanting to relax, take the edge off. But I fell right back into alcoholism and now am struggling to climb out of this hole I dug myself into. It's just not worth it, not even one drop.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
For me it means no alcohol.. I tried moderation so many times and it just did not work for me, so since you asked, yes it means no alcohol. I have not been drinking for over a month this time (had about 45 days in Nov/Dec then tried "just a glass or two").
Good luck! SR is a life saver!
Good luck! SR is a life saver!
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Nada.
Though if you want to get really technical, it's possible I've had some incidentally through ingredients of other things. Generally I don't count that (some do, I don't).
The main arguement there is with food and with alcohol as a cooking ingredient. But I think I'm getting a little off subject.
Part of my recovery is total abstinence from alcoholic beverages.
Though if you want to get really technical, it's possible I've had some incidentally through ingredients of other things. Generally I don't count that (some do, I don't).
The main arguement there is with food and with alcohol as a cooking ingredient. But I think I'm getting a little off subject.
Part of my recovery is total abstinence from alcoholic beverages.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 396
Thanks for posting this. It has been on my mind as well. But I think it's part of the head games I play with myself. I try to rationalize having 1 beer while out with friends, but I know I'm only kidding myself. Like KindBird, I've tried moderation so many times you'd think it would have sunk in by now. So all of you who responded to this, thanks for keeping me on the "straight" path.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 31
I think it depends on the person and their individual level of addiction.
I'm on day 7 alcohol free, but I probably have a fairly "mild" addiction issue, if you want to rate addiction. My problem is drinking wine in the evening to put myself to sleep. That's when I crave it. My body wants that wine every evening, and I was drinking about 3 glasses per evening, more than a healthy level. I couldn't drink just one glass and call it a night, or easily skip a night.
When it comes to drinking outside of this evening bubble, I feel in control - and rarely drink any other time. In the past, I could have one beer with dinner in a restaurant, and want no more. Or have one or two cocktails at a party, and want no more. Or even have one glass of wine at a neighbor's house, and be done. In those situations, I feel no addiction. If I had a Saturday afternoon beer with a neighbor on the front porch, it was just that - one beer. But later in the evening, I craved the wine. I didn't crave the beer earlier in the day, it was just a nice way to relax on a rare occassion and have a conversation. The earlier beer had no affect on the evening wine.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm open to that sort of social drinking, but for now, I've cut out all alcohol until I feel comfortable with no evening drinking at home. If I try one beer with dinner and it leads to anxiety over wine in the evening, then I'll avoid even the "normal" drinking. If we go out to dinner, I don't feel anxiety over not drinking a beer with dinner, so I can easily skip it. As a relatively new parent, I don't think that being drunk at any time or any situation is appropriate or an example I want my boys to follow later in life.
Right now there are two beers in my refrigerator that I've had no desire to touch in the past week, and then some nasty pepermint liquor that tastes like mouthwash that someone left at our house, which I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole, and neither has been a temptation for me this past week.
I guess I use wine in the evening as a tool, a coping mechanism, whereas the other forms of drinking are not. In general, alcohol makes me tired, so if I drink it for some social reason earlier in the day, I don't want to be tired and therefore won't drink much. I never was a binge drinker, and even back in my military days, couldn't "keep up" with others who seemed to get wild after a few drinks.
Ian
I'm on day 7 alcohol free, but I probably have a fairly "mild" addiction issue, if you want to rate addiction. My problem is drinking wine in the evening to put myself to sleep. That's when I crave it. My body wants that wine every evening, and I was drinking about 3 glasses per evening, more than a healthy level. I couldn't drink just one glass and call it a night, or easily skip a night.
When it comes to drinking outside of this evening bubble, I feel in control - and rarely drink any other time. In the past, I could have one beer with dinner in a restaurant, and want no more. Or have one or two cocktails at a party, and want no more. Or even have one glass of wine at a neighbor's house, and be done. In those situations, I feel no addiction. If I had a Saturday afternoon beer with a neighbor on the front porch, it was just that - one beer. But later in the evening, I craved the wine. I didn't crave the beer earlier in the day, it was just a nice way to relax on a rare occassion and have a conversation. The earlier beer had no affect on the evening wine.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm open to that sort of social drinking, but for now, I've cut out all alcohol until I feel comfortable with no evening drinking at home. If I try one beer with dinner and it leads to anxiety over wine in the evening, then I'll avoid even the "normal" drinking. If we go out to dinner, I don't feel anxiety over not drinking a beer with dinner, so I can easily skip it. As a relatively new parent, I don't think that being drunk at any time or any situation is appropriate or an example I want my boys to follow later in life.
Right now there are two beers in my refrigerator that I've had no desire to touch in the past week, and then some nasty pepermint liquor that tastes like mouthwash that someone left at our house, which I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole, and neither has been a temptation for me this past week.
I guess I use wine in the evening as a tool, a coping mechanism, whereas the other forms of drinking are not. In general, alcohol makes me tired, so if I drink it for some social reason earlier in the day, I don't want to be tired and therefore won't drink much. I never was a binge drinker, and even back in my military days, couldn't "keep up" with others who seemed to get wild after a few drinks.
Ian
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: boston, ma
Posts: 6
re
Thanks, I figured it was no alcohol at all. this will be tough. Just yesterday my aunt and brother's girlfriend were saying how they cant wait for summer and blueberry martinis down the cape. there are certain traditions that come with drinking that i guess i cant be a part of anymore. I can still join in but I wont be having alcohol. I'm not sure i will go as far as to not have mouthwash with alcohol...or refrain from using extracts...but I just cant handle drinking these days. Maybe getting drunk as a 21 year old girl is funny...but once you hit 30...it seems that a drunk my age stops being funny and starts being really pathetic.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by lizzygirl78
Maybe getting drunk as a 21 year old girl is funny...but once you hit 30...it seems that a drunk my age stops being funny and starts being really pathetic.
Funny - I've had the same thought! Except I'm not a girl... you know what I mean.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Winter Park, Fl
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by IantheWino
I think it depends on the person and their individual level of addiction.
I'm on day 7 alcohol free, but I probably have a fairly "mild" addiction issue, if you want to rate addiction. My problem is drinking wine in the evening to put myself to sleep. That's when I crave it. My body wants that wine every evening, and I was drinking about 3 glasses per evening, more than a healthy level. I couldn't drink just one glass and call it a night, or easily skip a night.
When it comes to drinking outside of this evening bubble, I feel in control - and rarely drink any other time. In the past, I could have one beer with dinner in a restaurant, and want no more. Or have one or two cocktails at a party, and want no more. Or even have one glass of wine at a neighbor's house, and be done. In those situations, I feel no addiction. If I had a Saturday afternoon beer with a neighbor on the front porch, it was just that - one beer. But later in the evening, I craved the wine. I didn't crave the beer earlier in the day, it was just a nice way to relax on a rare occassion and have a conversation. The earlier beer had no affect on the evening wine.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm open to that sort of social drinking, but for now, I've cut out all alcohol until I feel comfortable with no evening drinking at home. If I try one beer with dinner and it leads to anxiety over wine in the evening, then I'll avoid even the "normal" drinking. If we go out to dinner, I don't feel anxiety over not drinking a beer with dinner, so I can easily skip it. As a relatively new parent, I don't think that being drunk at any time or any situation is appropriate or an example I want my boys to follow later in life.
Right now there are two beers in my refrigerator that I've had no desire to touch in the past week, and then some nasty pepermint liquor that tastes like mouthwash that someone left at our house, which I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole, and neither has been a temptation for me this past week.
I guess I use wine in the evening as a tool, a coping mechanism, whereas the other forms of drinking are not. In general, alcohol makes me tired, so if I drink it for some social reason earlier in the day, I don't want to be tired and therefore won't drink much. I never was a binge drinker, and even back in my military days, couldn't "keep up" with others who seemed to get wild after a few drinks.
Ian
I'm on day 7 alcohol free, but I probably have a fairly "mild" addiction issue, if you want to rate addiction. My problem is drinking wine in the evening to put myself to sleep. That's when I crave it. My body wants that wine every evening, and I was drinking about 3 glasses per evening, more than a healthy level. I couldn't drink just one glass and call it a night, or easily skip a night.
When it comes to drinking outside of this evening bubble, I feel in control - and rarely drink any other time. In the past, I could have one beer with dinner in a restaurant, and want no more. Or have one or two cocktails at a party, and want no more. Or even have one glass of wine at a neighbor's house, and be done. In those situations, I feel no addiction. If I had a Saturday afternoon beer with a neighbor on the front porch, it was just that - one beer. But later in the evening, I craved the wine. I didn't crave the beer earlier in the day, it was just a nice way to relax on a rare occassion and have a conversation. The earlier beer had no affect on the evening wine.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm open to that sort of social drinking, but for now, I've cut out all alcohol until I feel comfortable with no evening drinking at home. If I try one beer with dinner and it leads to anxiety over wine in the evening, then I'll avoid even the "normal" drinking. If we go out to dinner, I don't feel anxiety over not drinking a beer with dinner, so I can easily skip it. As a relatively new parent, I don't think that being drunk at any time or any situation is appropriate or an example I want my boys to follow later in life.
Right now there are two beers in my refrigerator that I've had no desire to touch in the past week, and then some nasty pepermint liquor that tastes like mouthwash that someone left at our house, which I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole, and neither has been a temptation for me this past week.
I guess I use wine in the evening as a tool, a coping mechanism, whereas the other forms of drinking are not. In general, alcohol makes me tired, so if I drink it for some social reason earlier in the day, I don't want to be tired and therefore won't drink much. I never was a binge drinker, and even back in my military days, couldn't "keep up" with others who seemed to get wild after a few drinks.
Ian
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 164
Hi Lizzy,
Haven't had a drop of alcohol in over 2 years!
For me alcoholism is this - I could not control the amount of alcohol I drank, I could never have just one or two of anything..ever!! I also could not control my behavior or the person I would "turn into" when I was drunk...I had NO control over alcohol...it controlled me!
Hope you do what's best for you...living without alcohol in my life is the best thing I've ever done!!
Lisa
Haven't had a drop of alcohol in over 2 years!
For me alcoholism is this - I could not control the amount of alcohol I drank, I could never have just one or two of anything..ever!! I also could not control my behavior or the person I would "turn into" when I was drunk...I had NO control over alcohol...it controlled me!
Hope you do what's best for you...living without alcohol in my life is the best thing I've ever done!!
Lisa
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