Iriss

Has anyone else been in this position?

I always knew that when I stopped drinking, I would probably get divorced... Although I carried on drinking, to stay sedated to stay married... I went one week sober, am now seperating (my decision) - fell off the wagon yesterday because I am seperating..

So now its day one again... to stay sober I need to stay seperated..(He drinks too much, and doesnt want to stop).

Is there anyone out there who knows where i'm coming from. x thanks

Tommyh

to stay sober I need to stay seperated

fell off the wagon yesterday because I am seperating

??

masseyman

Sometimes we addicts drink with the presence of pleasure, sometimes in the presence of pain...sometimes in the middle somewhere....we are attracted to a myriad of reasons to drink away some feeling or to bolster some other feeling.

You drink because your not seperated... and you drank because you did seperate.....

Do this...don't drink because YOU are worth the hard work it takes to stay sober Iriss, do it for you. I don't think anyone can really face the hard things in life and move in a positive healthy direction while using....stay sober for you. Everything else cannot move in your life without you being sober.

I have been there too...seems like every time ya turn around there is a reason that seems valid, a sinister reasoning, to run to the booze.

Only way to move forward is to fight. Don't drink today. I care.

Anna

Yes, it seems, like most addicts, anything is a trigger to drink.

If you are separating because you know it's for the best, then things will work out. Stay sober and focus on your recovery.

Iriss

Thank you so much for you support it means so much, I can do this with support, but to stay clean I need to stay away from people who encourage me to drink... Today I won't drink... thanks x

yeahgr8

Definitely stay well away from people that drink, easy to do when you don't live with them i guess...jeez i don't envy your position at all but staying sober will get you through it more than the **** we pour down our throats.

Wishing you well:-)

least

sometimes, for me, it's not a matter of loving myself more (which is hard to do) but of hating myself less... if that makes any sense. If I feel good I drink cause I don't deserve to feel good and if I feel bad, I drink cause I don't want to feel at all.

Toomutch

We drink because we are numbing and do not want to feel. In the beginning more of the bad feelings may come to the surface; the longer we are sober we begin having all kinds of feeling's, both good and bad. With time being able to feel is liberating - makes us feel alive.

shaun00

Well said massey........... yes and didnt those reasons seem justified at the time.....they were all to blame for my drinking.

How deluded and sick i was...........i drank cos im an alkie and its what i do.

And the awful awakening....realizing that all those people had been trying to help.....and the truth was id frighten them away......so i could drink in peace.

Glad to hear your on day one iriss.........everything starts with day one.

i hope your ok.........please keep posting and sharing.

god be with you.............trucker.

ToABetterMe

Although divorce has been discussed more than once in our 15 yr marraige, we have never seperated so I have little advise on that. Just to tell you I am very sorry.

But as far as your spouse drinking alot, and no intention of even cutting back, I can absolutely empathize with that.
My husband is a fantastic enabler for me. Everything from buying bottles for me. Sending me to the liquor store to get stuff for him.
To even meeting me in the driveway with a drink after work.

However he wouldlove nothing more than to tell you, I drink too much & he "can handle his alcohol" which is not true because 90% of any of our fights happen when he has been drinking. He threatens to everything from killing himself to leaving.

I am hoping by me getting sober I can defuse situatons better, rather than egging them on. Hopefully someday he will see that he is a better person sober.

So do you think counseling is even an option for you guys?

Astro

I agree much with what trucker shared. There are plenty of things I could blame my drinking on. My ex's addictions, her affairs, her codependency. But the fact is that I'm an alcoholic, it's my decision to drink and deal with the consequences.

My divorce story in a nutshell: Woke up Feb. 21st, 2005 and found out my spouse was having an affair with a co-worker. Found myself looking at 27 years of alcoholism and dysfunctional relationships, and 11 years in my second marriage that was about to end in divorce. I went to my first AA meeting that night, I've been there ever since.

It's possible to stay sober through a divorce, there's plenty of support available if you have the desire for recovery. The most important part though, is never taking a drink again.

I hope you're up to it, there is life after divorce, and there's certainly an amazing life to be had in sobriety.

Latte

I would drink because I'm an alcoholic/addict. I have to work my program so that doesn't happen no matter what. I have gone through some rough times since I got clean and sober. They could have been reasons to drink and or use but I was in a place in my life that I could think it through and I know that it wouldn't make it any better or any easier. I can do that today because I am clean and sober and follow a program.

SummerSkye

Hi Iriss, yes I know exactly where you are coming from! I'm in the same position myself. We weren't married but I have just split up from my partner, within a month of getting sober/clean. I drank with him also to numb my feelings of unhappiness and to enable us to stay together. I knew that we wouldn't last either once I got sober so I was scared to stop drinking/drugging because I knew the relationship wouldn't survive without it and it hasn't. Its bloody hard and as I said on a my previous thread I'm feeling very lost right now. However the one thing I will not do is drink or use drugs, I feel awful enough right now without adding these evils onto the pain.

I got some lovely caring replies on my post and will take the advice offered and do feel a little better for it. I'm making my sobriety the priority and really hope you can too, i'm just hoping that everything else will fall into place.

You are not alone, Im here going through the same feelings at the same time and am sending you positive thoughts

tpersis

I just wrote to vent but see everything i am looking for answered right here.
every reason is a reason.

yes, i should have read this first.

ALso I think if you stay sober and want a separation/divorce than THAT is the real you.
the voice of reason. as cliche as it may be -- follow your heart.

Iriss

Thank you all so much, im 24 hours sober again now which feels great although I know I have to face a divorce... I will keep reading and keep posting.. I cannot thank you all enough for the support. x

pippi61

Hello Iriss,

I have travelled a similar journey. I have been sober for one month now and I knew before I stopped drinking that to give up drinking I was ending my relationship sooner or later....If I had stayed drinking we could have just kept pretending all would get better..... my partner doesn't drink copius amounts of alcohol like I did, however his life consists of sitting on the lounge for three to four hours every evening, every day of the year drinking beer. It drove me crazy before ....now that I am not drinking I just want to screem with frustration...Please somebody tell me its okay to be angry and think to myself I don't want to live like this anymore.....In saying all of that I know that his drinking or not drinking is his business not mine...I just have to make choices about what it is I can deal with or not??? All the best Iriss

Iriss

Hi Pippi

I sure know how you feel, I have tried so many times to stop drinking but as he drinks so much I drink again to tolerate it.. Then the rows start its endless... but now today I have moved on, hes moved out, peacefully for our children whom I aim to give a better life as a result of calmer and a non alcoholic environment... That for me is my goal x All the very best to you pippi x

least

Iriss, :ghug3

Iriss

Hi Least

Thankyou so much