SummerSkye

Hello everybody, sorry I haven't been around on here as much as before, I've been reading but not posting or replying to as many threads. Im just about to make it to my first month of being sober and clean and am still feeling strong in my recovery. However I've just split up from my so who is a very heavy drinker probably an alcoholic too, that however is his decision to make.

I'm feeling very lost and kind of like there has been too many changes too quickly, alcohol gone, cannabis gone and now boyfriend gone. I'm kind of worried about the ending of the relationship as I keep reading that it is a good idea not to make any other changes in early recovery incase this triggers a relapse. However most of our relationship was based on getting drunk together which is very sad to admit and while it caused major chaos between us it also gave us a bond and something to do together. I actually stopped drinking with him last year because of his aggression when drunk but carried on drinking by myself. Since then our relationship has slowly disintergrated and now there doesn't seem to be much left between us, neither of us is happy and I felt it was better to separate.

I'm now feeling that I've lost too many "things" in my life at once and was wondering if anybody has been in a similar situation and has any advice to offer?

Would also like to apologise for not responding to threads on here and trying to help other people. My head has just been spinning far too much and have just been thinking about the break up

nickishine

Hi there, GF!

Advice....? Hmmm....

The best piece I could offer would be to surround yourself with people who care about you and letting out your feelings -- safely and honestly! Yep. Overwhelming is what it may seem like right now... but it WILL NOT last. There's going to be breaks in the weather here soon for you, it's just a day away. It seems like you're at a "crossroads" right now in your life.... This is a good thing! You are sober, you are getting out of a "no win" relationship.... Life is happening, yet uncomfortably as WE don't like change for the most part! You are okay, GF! Hang in there and let your broken heart heal and seek the strength from within yourself to really give your life a great shot. You've got my support and so much support from everyone here!

xoxox:ghug

Horselover

Change is so hard sober or not, but believe me if we drink I think your problems will only escalate. Don't apologize for not posting. You've had a lot on your plate to deal with. I can understand your fear also because I think change is something we all fear. I know I do.

Stay close to SR if its been helping you. Definitely post when you need to, but don't feel you have to post for others' sake just now. You need to take care of yourself and your sobriety. I commend you for reaching out.

PM me anytime and I'm not just saying that. I am here off and on through out the day. Tomorrow morning I will be off, but should be back in the afternoon. Please feel free and I am sure many others around here would feel happy to have you pm them too.

:ghug3

The changes you describe are positive ones although they may not totally seem it right at the moment. You are taking good care of yourself. Proud of you.

ANGELINA243

Changes is early sobriety are good as long as they are something positive for your recovery. I had to get out of an unhealthy relationship too--and although not easy to do--it was certainly for the best--for both of us. He too had a drinking problem. I was able to then focus on my sobriety and the things which I needed to work on within myself. Although he may be gone--you do have a support system here. You are not alone. Keep recovery a priority--do the next right thing--everything else will fall into place.

FizzyWater

and remember your Scottish, we're made of sterner stuff !!!!!!!

Take up Horsies offer as well, she knows what she's talking about.

Hope it all works out for you.

SummerSkye

Thanks you lovely people, you have made me feel better and given me a new way to look at this situation.

I think this relationship happened to show me the devastation of alcohol, without all the pain and bad things that happened I may still be on that horrible path. I am just going to try to concentrate on being sober/clean and sit through the feelings/emotions, new one for me I usually block out feelings with alcohol/drugs!

weekendbinger

(((((((Summerskye)))))))

prettypoison

(((((Summer))))) I'm happy for you being on the verge of making a month sober. I understand how difficult this must be for you. I know when I decided I needed to stop drinking it meant a lot of changes. Change can be overwhelming -- especially to someone like me who doesn't have the best coping skills to begin with -- hence the heavy drinking. My kids had all moved out and my house felt empty. I felt more alone than ever. I didn't feel I could share my problems with my few friends for fear driving them away and losing them too.

That's where coming here came into the picture. I needed this support in the worst way. I also checked out lots of books to help me understand what was happening with me. I know part of feeling lost is knowing our crutch is gone whether the alcohol or cannabis. But you have another component added, grief. If I'm not mistaken there is a forum here for grief. I commend you on staying strong in your sobriety Summer, that is the most important thing you can do. I wish I had more to offer, but I want you to know I care and I'm here if you need me