He's gone again

Old 02-10-2009, 04:29 AM
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He's gone again

Here's what i posted a month or 2 ago.....

knew he had a drinking problem when we first met. He was only 18. I got pregnant 2 weeks after we met. I dumped him 2 months later because of drug and alcohol abuse. I din't see or speak to him until my son was 7 months old. We got back together and it was pure hell!! He was still drinking and doing drugs. I suffered from emotional and verbal abuse and if I had stayed probably physical abuse. I became pregnant with my daughter and left him when I was 4 months pregnant. Getting away from him was hard...had to get restraining order and then filed stalking charges agaist him. He was unable to see the children for 1 year because DFACS got involved. I NEVER in my life thought I would get back with him. He started seeing the children again and I could tell he had changed alot. He had a steady job for almost a year, was not drugging anymore but still drinking (not heavily). We wre engaged for a year before we got married, he did well. Drank only occassionally and it wasn't an issue or allowed in my house. After we got married it changed, he changed. The last 2 years have been bad. He doesn't verbally abuse me anymore but the drinking has taking over our lives. He drinks almost a 12 pack a night. He pisses in the bed and floor and doesn't know it. Everything we do revolves around his drinking schedule (4pm). He's been gone 3 days now. I'm still numb. I do love him and wish he was different but have come to realize I can't help him. Only he can. My kids are what breaks my heart...I'm crying as I write this because I had to explain to my 5 and 7 year old that Daddy isn't going to live here anymore and I can tell the kids are upset. Then I have him using the kids to get to me. I turned my phones off tonight cause I'm mentally exhausted and I'm so afraid that i might let him come back and I know he is just manipulating me again. It seems the longer I've been with him the harder it is to let go. I cAn for sure say I've given him plenty of chances. Thankls to everyone for listening. I honestly didn't think I would feel so bad about this. I was so looking forward to him leaving. I guess it will take some time.


Well I did let him come back....stupid me. I even knew at the time this was the wrong decision but as crazy as it sounds it was easier to take him back then listen to him cry and whine and manipulate. Well fast forward to a few days ago. I have been trying to buy a house (we currently rent) this is the 4th time I"ve tried everytime something happens and it's his fault (quit his job a week before closing, pitching a fit over something stupid). Well he had one of his tantrums the other night about me and how I do everything wrong (I have realized it is pointless to agrue because in his mind everything is my fault). He stepped it up0 this time though. He ripped the screen off our screened porch and threw and broke his cell phone. I calmly sat on the couch (kids in bed) and waited him to pass out. He said he had 3 beers ( i found a bottle of whiskey in the building later). Next morning I got up and got ythe kids and went to my Moms. I asked him to leave, and he did. This is it guys....I know he's not going to change and I have FINALLY made my mind up that my children and I will not live our lives this way. I am filing for divorce as soon as I have the money.

Thank yo to everyone who has posted....this boeard has helped me in so many ways. jUst to know thast I'm not alone in this and to realize no I'm not crazy!! Hope everyone has a great day because I'm going to!! Wish me luck on my new house I still have a chance of getting in my name alone.


Courtney
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Old 02-10-2009, 04:54 AM
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mtr
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courtney1111,

Buying a home can be exciting! I hope everything works out and I wish you all the best in your new home. You and your children certainly deserve a safe and peaceful place to live - without drama.

mtr
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Old 02-10-2009, 07:11 AM
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courtney,

I am so glad you're protecting your kids and yourself from his choices. You can't and won't change him.....but staying with him you CAN ruin your own chances for happiness, and your kids' chances at growing up without the adult-children-of-alcoholics traits that so many of us have here. (see the ACOA board on this forum if you want to learn what THAT looks like....it's not pretty)

Wishing you luck, and strength - keep that phone off!!

GL
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Old 02-10-2009, 07:27 AM
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You may want to have a consultation with a lawyer (often the first one is free or very reduced in fee) to make sure if you buy a house before you divorce that he doesn't get 50% of it. Also the consultation will outline for you parenting rights after divorce in your state.
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Old 02-10-2009, 10:30 AM
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Chrysalis is right -- please be sure to do that, for your own safety.
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