Katie09

Of course, I drank it. He brought me two bottles of wine. I am wondering why on earth someone who knows of my "issue" would bring me wine, rather naively. Ok, so I am irritated mostly with myself - but him too. The guy has been in the program for YEARS. What is wrong with this picture? I'd been doing so well, and then this. I guess the moral of the story is trust no one and remain vigilant always.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I wonder how long it is going to take me to get back on track here...

nickishine

Katie....

"Some are sicker than others"!!!!.... That is how it is in and out of AA! Alcohol/drugs is a "symptom" of the underlying truth of who and what we are... that's my belief anyway. You can take away the drug/alcohol, but are left with the "illness" of self.

I'm sorry that happened to you! The guy is a jerk, no doubt! You can say get lost anytime you want to anyone who crosses boundaries that you're uncomfortable with... period! Just cuz a person is in AA doesn't mean they are trustworthy and/or safe to be around. There's an AA saying, "Stick with the winners".... "Stick with the women who are winners", etc... I've always attracted men to me because of how I look and the tom-boy part of my personality. Women were too stuffy or whatever for me in the past. Now I seek out women as the crux of my recovery in the rooms because I went down a dead-end road with expectations from guys that screwed with my whole recovery process.

Katie, I wish we were next door to eachother, seriously! I'd beat-up the a-------- hole that bought that wine for you in a minute!!! You don't need people like that in your life. I suggest, if you continue with AA to get a sponsor. She will help you with all lthis crapola that exists in and out of the rooms of AA! xoxox

TryingSoHard

Wait... back up a second. Someone from AA - who knows you have a drinking problem and are trying to quit - brought you wine? Someone you know from AA brought wine to you?

That baffles my mind.

You can get back on track right now, sweetie. You don't have to wait another minute. I wish you well.

Katie09

Thanks, Nicki. :ghug3 I woke up hungover (not like me) and the wine was sitting there, so of course I drank it. Yeah, I was irritated and called the guy, he did not answer, then he did return the call and he did hang up on me! So, all in all, not a happy camper here. Such is life. It's much better doing the no drinking thing, as one is in control. Now I have to find a way to get back in control. I am not done yet. If I knew his home group, I think I'd walk in there and read him the riot act. Of course, I do take responsibility too. I hope this comes across, but damn, there is nothing like being in early sobriety and some jerk coming along...

Katie09

Thanks, TSH. I didn't know him from AA, rather these things came out after talking to him on the phone. Apparently, he does not mix AA people with his "romantic" life. Still, I told him about me in advance. Of course, when put into a situation (my achilles heal - men and alcohol) I just succumb to the deal. Yes, I have to get back on track and forget about yet another creepy person. This is truly a part of the reason I will not go to AA. Too many predators.

CarolD

The reason the AA man was in your home?
Did he come uninvited? Alone?
That is a definite no no

A big reason why we do 12 Step calls in pairs
and stay with the same sex when doing so.
Apparently...this was not a 12 Step call
and you did not need to have wine for withdrawals.

The whole deal is fishy. He was dead wrong.
I'm sorry this happened to you...

When you get back to AA...and I hope you will..
please tell another woman what happened.
Your female sponsor would be ideal.

Please re start your sobriety...Yes!! you can recover!

Aysha

That is so wrong on so many levels.
That is very honest of you to take responsibility in the action as well.
BUT!! Thats like dangling a carrot in someones face. What an a$$hole.
Sounds like some other agenda is on that guys mind. I would stay very far from that idiot.
Just try again and be more cautious of who you interact with. That guy will get his in the end. They always do.

Rob B

I can't help but think you are not giving the full story, maybe I'm wrong, maybe this guy was just another AA predator, they are out there. Ultimately you know the truth and my opinion is of little to no importance. If your story is straight up, cool. If not, you must get honest in order to move forward.

flutter

So you don't know the guy from AA, but he goes to AA? I think I got that part right.. not sure. Was this a date? Some random person that just showed up on your doorstep with wine? hmm

I'm glad you took the accountability about drinking it. No matter who it is, or the situation, we all choose to put the glass to our lips.

There's jerks (male and female alike) everywhere.. predators in more places than AA. I'm not an AA person, I never will be, but I certainly don't think this would be something to pass judgement on the group about and never show up there. You made a bad choice and picked a jerk to hang with.. ok, now you know.. and I'm glad you're ready to just move forward!

Katie09

Oh, pulease.

Fubarcdn

I don't want to be the devil's advocate here but I will anyways.
How do you know that this guy is really a member of AA? Maybe he just told you that he was a member of AA to get you to have him over so he could get you drunk when you were trying to quit?
Don't know how you knew him but consider this as a possibility.
Back to the important issue and that is that it is over and time to continue with your recovery.
Even if he was an AA"er you cannot judge the whole bushel for one bad apple.

serenityqueen

So, you didn't meet this guy through AA, then how do you really know that he is a Recovering Alcoholic, or even goes to AA? How'd you meet this guy?

Unfortunately, there are some really sick people out there with ulterior motives, not wanting to be supportive of your addiction and it sounds like you met the President of that club.

I really hope you won't let this keep you from going to AA. But please, stick with the women right now. I wanted to naturally gravitate to the men when I started going but as you can see, it can lead to a disaster.

Judy

yeahgr8

IMO this is not exactly the fault of AA, there are idiots everywhere in any group. You must feel pretty low at the moment but i hope you get back on track soon:-)

I would give men a wide berth for now and stick to women at AA, defo keep going to get the support and friendship that will help you through this:-)

I do like the title of your thread though, got athis great image in my head now!

Rowan

Please keep the focus where it belongs - on yourself. It has nothing to do with this man or with AA. You invited a man into your home and made the decision to consume alcohol - and potentially put yourself at great risk.

If you are serious about getting sober, AA can help.

stone

So, he just turned up on your door-step with wine?

Doug

Well said.

And yes it can work, if we apply it.

Dee74

I'm not sure that where *all* the focus lies....I'd hope, if this man is involved with any kind of group, and events like these were to come to their attention, that they would then act in some kind of an appropriate way....

but I do agree that the only issues you yourself can do anything about are the ones Ro has outlined, Katie.

I'm glad you're ok cos you mightn't have been, and I think that's food for thought for us all.

D

nelco

all very strange... but for the benifit of anyone else thats reading this thread......He is one man ......he is not AA....this is the kinda stuff that gives AA a bad name. Its about the way we live not what we say. Its attraction rather than promotion. My sponser told me to look to the winners.. Genuine recovering alcoholics in aa would never never do this... my husband and I are a long time in aa and still we will not just allow anyone in our home. Very dangerous!! We all come in to AA very sick....new members should realize that there are a lot of people there still trying to get into recovery,it takes time and steps! some of us take longer than others. We are all emotional wreckes at the beginning. I often get new male members ask me to sponser them ....because they are attracted to my soberity .....but I always make a point in helping them pick a strong male member, while telling them we can chat anytime at the meetings...A simple hug can be interperted the wrong way at the start. this is the part i find strange.

Rob B

Care to elaborate? I offered a consideration, I also said it was possible I was wrong, I won't presume to know for sure what really happened.

I will share this, I am a clinical therapist and have formal training in interpreting defense mechanisms, does this make me an expert? no. Does it give me some unique insight and make me critical of some of the responses I see on this site, yes.

This post will probably irritate you, that is not my intent, sometimes we need to go past what our perceptions are in order to really see truth, this applies to me as well. My experience is that the truth does set me free but it always p#sses me off along the way. I hope things work out for you.

shaun00

hi katie........sorry to hear that.

I have to be real careful how i reply to this thread because i have a deep hatred for guys that pray on vulnerable women..for my own reasons.

These people lurk everywhere i guess....in the UK a paramedic has just been imprisoned for exploiting women people in his care........unbelievable.

Please please be assured this is NOT AA.....imo

Coming to your house on his own......is not AA.

Twelve step calls here are always in pairs and where possible mixed pairs.

Could you contact your home group and ask a female to call?

Could you ask for a female member to escort you to a meeting?

Do you have a option of a few meetings with female members?

AA has been the key to living a new life without alcohol for me and many thousands if not millions of others...

god be with you and protect you................trucker