silkspin

Hi all, my AH has been sober now 1.5 months. He also decided to quit smoking 2 weeks ago and is on the patch.

On Friday he had a bad day at work. The family had all met up at my sisters, and he was aloof and untalkative, just bad vibe. On the way home we started to talk, and he mentioned that he's dealing with a lot, no booze, quitting smoking, weather terrible, and dealing with a new city and feeling alienated. I didn't say much, but did point out that he's talked like this before when he was drinking, that he'll always feel alienated for some reason or other. He agreed but said it was tough cuz now he's not relying on booze to take those feelings away. Anyhow, he also said that (looking ahead to better weather) sunny days on a patio will be hard. I asked how much harder than having that pleasant experience quickly turn into a drunken, incoherent night. He agreed again, then made a comment that he should learn to bake weed cookies (he's been a casual pot user since university, in addition to drinking) instead. I said maybe he should focus on what's on his plate now, and learn the proper coping strategies for dealing with his feelings (a la AA meetings that he's attending about once a week) instead of looking for a different way of anesthetizing himself.

Is this a sign that he's just not wholly committed to recovery or am I just ultra-sensitive about the things he says?

ItsmeAlice

I don't think it's you.

I think he's looking to deal with his problems in the easiest way possible. That's how he got to this point in the first place, but obviously he hasn't seen that yet.

Stay strong.

Alice

justanothrdrunk

It's called the marijuana maintenance program and it makes about as much sense as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Freedom1990

One and a half months sober isn't very long at all. I thought a lot of crazy things when I first got sober, but that didn't mean I was going to do them.

You'll know through his actions as time goes on whether he's serious or not.

jaguarpcb

It sounds to me as if he's not fully into recovery, still looking to dull his emotions. It's tempting for sure....it's so much easier to just set those bad feelings aside, I know, I used to be quite the pothead myself. But the thing your husband is forgetting is that those feelings will still be there when the high is gone. Getting high doesn't actually solve anything, it only delays dealing with it. But if you deal with the feelings, what they are, why you're having them, etc, and move past them, then there's no more reason to numb yourself against them and you can move on happy and free from all the bad emotions.

Anyway, in the future when he starts talking like that I'd suggest he speak to his sponsor, someone who's been where he's at, 6 weeks sober and struggling.

:ghug3

silkspin

Thanks everyone - logically speaking he seems to get that he can't dull his feelings anymore, but I only have the picture from what he says (and does - right now he's doing well without). I don't really know his internal struggle and I guess that's why I have to detach and have faith and work my own program. Whatever happens, happens, right? It's my fear talking - recovery is a scary (albeit better) place than his active drinking!