bognot1977

Hello -

I'm new to this site and I'm hoping I'm posting in the right place.

My husband of 3 years is a junky. The first year of marriage I discovered he was addicted to crack and oxycontin. We got him into treatment several states away. 3 months and $10,000 later he was home. I thought it was the end of the nightmare.

By the end of that year I became pregnant. I would later learn that through out my pregnancy he was cheating on me with a friends mother who is in her 60's. It was an exchange for pills. He would also cheat on me with several other women. What a slap in the face.

I should've known. He would leave and not return for days. Not answer his phone. Money would be missing. He looked like a shell of a man. Meanwhile in my pregnant state. I was desperate, depressed and believed what I wanted.

I filed for divorce soon after the baby arrived but was sucked back into believing he was sorry, that he would change, that he loved us more than anything and he screwed up.

From that point up until now...

I'm the bread winner and a well educated woman. He works for the union as a pipe fitter and is on unemployment, literally every other month.

I found out last Friday by his admission that he needed help for heroin. He said he could no longer use pills. They weren't working. He has been shooting up for the past year. I cried like a child. Where were the signs? Of course me, I should know. He showered, functioned, watched football, etc. BUT then I had to reflect...he DOES sweat all night long, he can't get it up, he is always in a sleepy state....he always wants to hang out with his mom (that's his cover for going to his junky friends house). I'm not a fan of his mother so I'd never go. The damn signs WERE there.

He showed me his track marks. The stash of needles in the garage. The whole bottom dropped. I figured. Hell he NEEDS help. He's reaching out we're going to get through this. Sure money is tight but lets do it. That afternoon I set up an appointment in Fort Collins to get an evaluation and then see about getting him in. These things are so damn expensive. But if it holds our tiny family of 3 together, it's what needs to be done.

I took that day off. He decided to nap. I decided to check his phone. Think the hell was over? Not even close. That little cell held the key to more hurt and drama. There were text messages from one of the gals he cheated on me with that first year. She thanked him for the $500 he gave her. WTF? That's money I earned. She missed spooning with him. Asked when he was going to file for that divorce? Him responding, flirting, etc. I was literally shaking. I broke it in half.

I kicked him out of our home. I went crazy on him. I could not control my emotions. I was so done with being a dumb doormat. All of the property, the house, cars, furniture. All are mine and in my name. We had one savings account together. Today I'm removing the remaining funds.

I'm going to consult an attorney. I have a child to protect. That and my sanity.

I feel like a fool. His addiction is his go to excuse for being an *******. I so SICK AND TIRED of hearing that this is a disease! It's a dumb a$$ choice!!! I know, I know.

If anyone got this far, thanks. The vent alone was nice.

Maelynn

k1a2t3h4r5y6n7

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I'm sure you needed to vent. :ghug3

How scary that he had all of his needles and everything right there in your home, with your baby there!?!?

BayAreaPhoenix

(((Maelynn)))

Welcome. You've come to a great place for support and wisdom.

It sounds like a really aweful situation, but you took action, and it sounds like you are ready to do what you need to do for yourself and your child.

Stick around, read around, gather strength and courage!

Freedom1990

:ghug :ghug

I know the pain of infidelity and broken promises.

winnie12

I saw on a website for a support group were they're initial greeting was always "welcome, we're so sad to see you here." That's how i always feels when i see someone new post - glad you are reaching out for help but so sad to see yet another person destroyed by addiction.

Only piece of advice i would give is to print out your initial post and read it when he calls and starts begging you to forgive him. Not saying you cant do that if you want to but please remember how you feel now so that you protect yourself later.

catlovermi

These painful discoveries have just given your precious child a whole different future than they would have had, had you hung on to see if things got better (because they induced you to make a clean break and get out of The House of Chaos and Addiction). Things are DEFINITELY going to get better, now.

I'm sorry for your hurt and pain. Hugs to you.

CLMI

Marlie

The most important thing is your child. My husband grew up with an addicted mother and the pain that caused him and his family is terrible. He and his siblings are adults now and they still suffer from the repercussions of their mother's addiction.

bognot1977

Thanks guys. I'm going to follow through with my decision to leave him.

It just so emotionally draining. I dare not talk to friends or family about it. Fear of the old...we told you so. And they would be right. They've seen me dragged through hell too many times.

I've gone to individual counseling in the past and have been told under medical advice by more than one source, that it is EXPLICITLY clear that there is no hope in saving my marriage. There is no hope that I can love him into sobriety. His world revolves around drugs. He did call this weekend. Not to ask about our son, but if out of the kindness of my heart, if I could get him a Visa gift card for $100. Are you serious? That's pure crazy talk after all I've been through. I doesn't stop with him. He is oblivious. Yeah pal, no problem! I'll get right on that! B.S!

By the way. In the world of drugs and the area we live in, all it takes is a drive to Colfax (we are in Denver) and you can exchange gift cards for smack.

I think I need to get counseling again. I'm having awful anxiety attacks. I can't sleep. Every song makes me cry. I hate that man.

Maelynn

MrsMagoo

Too many of us have been in your shoes or in a similiar situation. I hate that your here but you are in the right place! My AH isn't physically cheating but it feels like it sometimes. Sometimes I wish he could cheat on me because at least I could wrap my mind around that eventually. This drug thing is too abstract for me to understand even the stories are all so very similiar.

You sound really strong and the don't beat yourself up for the tears! Tears are good and you deserve a good cry. Protect you and your baby and protect your assets. I doubt your husband will go away easily. Keep coming back here and reading around. You will see an all to familiar theme but it's a place to find strength, fellowship and get some really good feedback (I don't think we call it "advice" here).

Seren

I'm so sorry to hear about all that you have been through. The anguish you feel is very clear. I'm glad to know that you are moving forward with an attorney and that all the property is in your name. There are so many women who own nothing when they decide to end their marriage.

Take some time for yourself and take care of your precious child. Big hugs and lots of support coming your way!

HG

jan123

I went right down to the bottom of your post and you did really well. Venting is good. Leaving this situation with the little one is even better.

I reread your post. Sounds like we were with the same person, only when I looked at his cell phone he actually had a video of him and his girlfriend together and let me tell you they were not making cookies at the time. They were making something, but not cookies!

You have found a good home here, and all of us understand. It is so disappointing to let the dreams fly away. It is harder on us then it is on them no matter what they say. They can take a hit and reality is gone, we take their reality and then get hit.

Hugs to you and the little miracle in the making. Be strong and know that you deserve better than this!


Jan

splendra

Hey there ((((bognot1977))))))

Welcome! You sound so strong. Be gentle with yourself.

lovtolaff

Please don't. I know it's hard not to - but honey - this is NOT about you. I lived with a crack addict and I know the pain that they can cause.

Ditto on this for me as well. But you don't have to feel it again and again. Someone posted some good advice - read your post over and over when he starts whining to come back or promising change.

All I can tell you is to get out while you can. Start living your life for YOU and your little one. Life with an addict is pure ol' HELL.