HOnestly?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 215
HOnestly?
Honestly, I can't decide whether being alone (without dry drunk H) would be better than staying and dealing with him and the issues the continue to crop up at home. I keep telling myself "Don't give up" and "Don't run from the problems just because you feel uncomfortable." The idea of being alone feels so...lonely. And it also feels like failure. I do know that too often I am feeling sad, sorry, sick, and scared. And very low about myself. What that tells me is that I need to work even harder on myself. That he isn't working on himself is none of my business. It's a tough day for me today so thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: At the top of my mountain.
Posts: 124
Jehnifer, if you haven't already, may I suggest you run out and get Robin Norwood's book "Women Who Love Too Much" ? I just finished reading it myself, and it gave me a lot of insight and strength. I cannot recommend this book highly enough to any woman involved with an alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 215
I probably should not have used that label "dry drunk." That's just my perception. Rather, my husband who is not drinking, still often finds himself in states of depression, anger, boredom, unhappiness, unrest, irritablility, etc; and does not take action to work on it but instead seems to blame me and others and circumstances. HOpe that makes sense.
I will get that book - thanks for the recommendation.
I will get that book - thanks for the recommendation.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
The term "dry drunk" has been around AA for a while.
When I first heard it, back in '81, it was explained to me by my sponsor and some Old Timers that a Dry Drunk was a person that was just DRY. Not drinking, no alcohol in system, but had done nothing to change Old Behaviors, Old Ways of Thinking, Not taking responsibility, still blaming others for their problems, etc etc etc No "Program Of Recovery" of any kind, just not drinking. Sometimes also called "White Knuckling It"
The ones that I have seen over the years usually do not last very long that way, the longest I have personally ever seen was about 13 months and then the person went out on a real binge that lasted for years.
Hope that helps.
(((((Jehnifer))))) Only you will know WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Only you will know when you are worth to be treated with respect.
I can tell you that the first things I noticed when I separated and lived alone. No dirty coffee cups and ash trays all over the house. No dirty laundry 4 feet from the hamper because it was too far to carry to the hamper. No newspapers and trash left lying around, A lot less laundry. A lot less vacuuming and dusting (and I still had my 3 dogs, lol) and.............................................PE ACE and QUIET. I could have my friends over without him walking through the house 'muttering' (yes he was sober, but had turned to gambling). No yelling at 2AM when he came home, or thought of some supposed slight to b***h about. and on and on and on.
I didn't feel lonely. I didn't feel alone. I felt like I was in heaven.
I hope you can find your own peace and serenity.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
When I first heard it, back in '81, it was explained to me by my sponsor and some Old Timers that a Dry Drunk was a person that was just DRY. Not drinking, no alcohol in system, but had done nothing to change Old Behaviors, Old Ways of Thinking, Not taking responsibility, still blaming others for their problems, etc etc etc No "Program Of Recovery" of any kind, just not drinking. Sometimes also called "White Knuckling It"
The ones that I have seen over the years usually do not last very long that way, the longest I have personally ever seen was about 13 months and then the person went out on a real binge that lasted for years.
Hope that helps.
(((((Jehnifer))))) Only you will know WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Only you will know when you are worth to be treated with respect.
I can tell you that the first things I noticed when I separated and lived alone. No dirty coffee cups and ash trays all over the house. No dirty laundry 4 feet from the hamper because it was too far to carry to the hamper. No newspapers and trash left lying around, A lot less laundry. A lot less vacuuming and dusting (and I still had my 3 dogs, lol) and.............................................PE ACE and QUIET. I could have my friends over without him walking through the house 'muttering' (yes he was sober, but had turned to gambling). No yelling at 2AM when he came home, or thought of some supposed slight to b***h about. and on and on and on.
I didn't feel lonely. I didn't feel alone. I felt like I was in heaven.
I hope you can find your own peace and serenity.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
hi jehnifer
two cents, if you know yourself, love yourself and have a closer relation with HP you will NEVER feel lonely again... i just have had a few glimpses of that feeling in my life but it is true that as long as you are looking outside for completeness it will never be enough...
the worst loneliness for me was not being able to trust my loved one and no longer recognizing him under the layers of deceit, lies, cruelty etc.
the hopelessness
i urge you to erase the word 'failure' in your book and replace it with 'experience'
two cents, if you know yourself, love yourself and have a closer relation with HP you will NEVER feel lonely again... i just have had a few glimpses of that feeling in my life but it is true that as long as you are looking outside for completeness it will never be enough...
the worst loneliness for me was not being able to trust my loved one and no longer recognizing him under the layers of deceit, lies, cruelty etc.
the hopelessness
i urge you to erase the word 'failure' in your book and replace it with 'experience'
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