New comer with a loss
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 20
New comer with a loss
Hello
I am new and came here looking for people like me, who have gone through things like this.
I am the Adult Child of an Alcoholic, and I just lost my mom to drinking on feb. 2.
As much as she pushed me away her whole life (in denial of her habit and to isolate herself in her addiction), as well as pushed me away so I could have a a somewhat "normal" life, I always tried to help her.
She was in and out of rehabs and hospitals, hooked on prescrip. meds and alcohol, and the last ten years were a downward spiral.
Although I have never had a problem as bad as my mom,
I did drink before I found out this tragic news, but I have never considered myself an alcoholic, have never had withdrawal from alcohol or drank in the morning etc.
I now NEVER want to drink again. I see alcohol as a poison.
At the same time I am scared. My friends are supportive.
I feel if it is genetically in my genes to be prone to alcohol, so I should not drink. My grandfather was an alcoholic too.
I am wondering your thoughts on all of this.
Sober in NY,
tpersis
I am new and came here looking for people like me, who have gone through things like this.
I am the Adult Child of an Alcoholic, and I just lost my mom to drinking on feb. 2.
As much as she pushed me away her whole life (in denial of her habit and to isolate herself in her addiction), as well as pushed me away so I could have a a somewhat "normal" life, I always tried to help her.
She was in and out of rehabs and hospitals, hooked on prescrip. meds and alcohol, and the last ten years were a downward spiral.
Although I have never had a problem as bad as my mom,
I did drink before I found out this tragic news, but I have never considered myself an alcoholic, have never had withdrawal from alcohol or drank in the morning etc.
I now NEVER want to drink again. I see alcohol as a poison.
At the same time I am scared. My friends are supportive.
I feel if it is genetically in my genes to be prone to alcohol, so I should not drink. My grandfather was an alcoholic too.
I am wondering your thoughts on all of this.
Sober in NY,
tpersis
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 46
First of all, sorry for your loss.
Secondly, if you are worried about alcohol becoming a big part of your life in one way or another, the best thing to do is to never let it in. It's easier to never start drinking than it is to stop.
Welcome to SR!
Secondly, if you are worried about alcohol becoming a big part of your life in one way or another, the best thing to do is to never let it in. It's easier to never start drinking than it is to stop.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 20
Thank you...I already feel I came to the right place.
Yes, I know the answer is not to drink again.
I am scared because drinking was a part of my life, I drank after work,
a glass or two of wine, most nights a week, always on the weekend.
was I an alcoholic? no, but have i had alcoholic tendencies?
yes.
I am going to go look for your story now,
thanks again.
tpersis
Yes, I know the answer is not to drink again.
I am scared because drinking was a part of my life, I drank after work,
a glass or two of wine, most nights a week, always on the weekend.
was I an alcoholic? no, but have i had alcoholic tendencies?
yes.
I am going to go look for your story now,
thanks again.
tpersis
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Smithfield, VA
Posts: 521
Tperis, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father due to his drinking so I feel for you in this loss. Unfortunately I picked up this rather bad habit myself, that I am climbing out of back into the "normal" world. Welcome to SR and I feel you will be able to find a lot of the info you may be looking for. Keep reading and posting and you'll find you're not alone and that there are others in the same situation as you, which will help you to get through all of this with the help, support and encouragement of others.
Wes
p.s. I do have to agree with Backporchpoet in saying "It's easier to never start drinking than it is to stop." Something I wish someone told me years ago. But, it looks like you came to the right place with the right attitude, so Welcome!
Wes
p.s. I do have to agree with Backporchpoet in saying "It's easier to never start drinking than it is to stop." Something I wish someone told me years ago. But, it looks like you came to the right place with the right attitude, so Welcome!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
tpersis - Sorry about the loss of your mother.
If you have any questions as to whether or not you might end up with a drinking problem due to genetics, please try to keep it out of your life.
Welcome to SR - Glad you joined our family.
If you have any questions as to whether or not you might end up with a drinking problem due to genetics, please try to keep it out of your life.
Welcome to SR - Glad you joined our family.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I am sorry for your loss.
My mother was an alcoholic too and lived her life in denial.
I didn't start drinking until my mid-forties and it never occurred to me that I could become an alcoholic because alcohol had never been a part of my life. But, I did, very quickly.
If you don't have a drinking problem now, but are concerned, then stop drinking. Drinking is not worth the pain of addiction.
My mother was an alcoholic too and lived her life in denial.
I didn't start drinking until my mid-forties and it never occurred to me that I could become an alcoholic because alcohol had never been a part of my life. But, I did, very quickly.
If you don't have a drinking problem now, but are concerned, then stop drinking. Drinking is not worth the pain of addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 20
CoF1984-- thank you...
I am sorry for your loss as well.
I am sorry you went down the same path. the truth is I felt I was going down the same path as well. Everyone here is right, the answer is to stop drinking.
there are so many other things in life.
Do we want to be like our parents? no. would they want us to turn out into alcoholics like them? no.
I am so glad you are ALL here.
thank you.
I am sorry for your loss as well.
I am sorry you went down the same path. the truth is I felt I was going down the same path as well. Everyone here is right, the answer is to stop drinking.
there are so many other things in life.
Do we want to be like our parents? no. would they want us to turn out into alcoholics like them? no.
I am so glad you are ALL here.
thank you.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I have no doubt that addiction is hereditary, although not all scientific researchers will agree with me. Look at the number of addicts/alcoholics who have family members with this same disease.
My Father was an alcoholic. He passed away in Sept. of 2006 but thankfully he stopped drinking many years earlier. My younger sister died from the effects of this disease in 1991 at the age of 26. She was an alcoholic and addict. I am an addict/alcoholic and by the Grace of God, I have been in Recovery since July of 2005. My one Grandfather was an alcoholic, the other was a problem drinker but one day, just stopped. I have many other relatives who had/have a drinking and or drug problem.
I was raised in a family where alcohol was a part of every gathering just as much as food was. There were some Holiday gatherings where there wasn't food served but there was always alcohol there. I grew up thinking this was as normal as the sun coming up each morning and going down at night.
You can stop the cycle. I am not saying that you are an alcoholic but wanted to point out that just because you don't have withdrawals or drink in the morning doesn't mean you aren't an alcoholic. Some alcoholics only drink on the weekends, even less often than that. My definition of an alcoholic/addict is when we ingest the chemical and there are consequences as a result such as blackouts, not being able to control how much you drink, running to a drink to escape, knowing that you shouldn't drink. . . the list goes on. I pretty much think if someone thinks they have a problem, then they more than likely do. I had a cousin who passed away in August as a result of alcoholism. He was in his early 40's and his family had no idea that he was an alcoholic. They knew he drank beer, lite beer and they thought that if someone only drank beer, they couldn't be an alcoholic. I remember my Aunt, his Mother, calling me to tell me he was in the hospital and his body was shutting down. She was completely shocked, so many people are misinformed or uninformed about this disease. She also thought that lite beer was the old 3.2 beer (the younger people here have no idea what I am referring to)
I hope you'll stick around, continue reading and sharing. You will find that you are not alone in what you are feeling.
God Bless,
Judy
My Father was an alcoholic. He passed away in Sept. of 2006 but thankfully he stopped drinking many years earlier. My younger sister died from the effects of this disease in 1991 at the age of 26. She was an alcoholic and addict. I am an addict/alcoholic and by the Grace of God, I have been in Recovery since July of 2005. My one Grandfather was an alcoholic, the other was a problem drinker but one day, just stopped. I have many other relatives who had/have a drinking and or drug problem.
I was raised in a family where alcohol was a part of every gathering just as much as food was. There were some Holiday gatherings where there wasn't food served but there was always alcohol there. I grew up thinking this was as normal as the sun coming up each morning and going down at night.
You can stop the cycle. I am not saying that you are an alcoholic but wanted to point out that just because you don't have withdrawals or drink in the morning doesn't mean you aren't an alcoholic. Some alcoholics only drink on the weekends, even less often than that. My definition of an alcoholic/addict is when we ingest the chemical and there are consequences as a result such as blackouts, not being able to control how much you drink, running to a drink to escape, knowing that you shouldn't drink. . . the list goes on. I pretty much think if someone thinks they have a problem, then they more than likely do. I had a cousin who passed away in August as a result of alcoholism. He was in his early 40's and his family had no idea that he was an alcoholic. They knew he drank beer, lite beer and they thought that if someone only drank beer, they couldn't be an alcoholic. I remember my Aunt, his Mother, calling me to tell me he was in the hospital and his body was shutting down. She was completely shocked, so many people are misinformed or uninformed about this disease. She also thought that lite beer was the old 3.2 beer (the younger people here have no idea what I am referring to)
I hope you'll stick around, continue reading and sharing. You will find that you are not alone in what you are feeling.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 20
Judy you are absolutely right.
I am on here coming to terms with my mom, and she never admitted she was an alcoholic, at least not to me.
I even DRANK with her in her last few years, which just seems crazy now.
what denial on both ends.
Drink to escape? yes. Drink alone? sure did. Alcohol related fights? absolutely.
I am sorry for all the addictions and losses in your family.
I appreciate you sharing them with me, and shedding some light on the genetics of addiction.
I even have family members who have knick names about their drinking habits, as if its a joke. because they are "smart" or hold jobs they dont think its a problem.
I drank the night i found out my mom died. when i found out two days later HOW she died .43 alcohol content and heart disease from alcohol, i stopped. it finally sank in.
this has been day 5 and it feels great.
I am finally ready to admit that I too am an alcoholic.
thank you,
and I wish you ALL the best in your own recovery. if i can ask have you been sober/clean since 2005? If so, I think that is really wonderful, and uplifting.
tracy
I am on here coming to terms with my mom, and she never admitted she was an alcoholic, at least not to me.
I even DRANK with her in her last few years, which just seems crazy now.
what denial on both ends.
Drink to escape? yes. Drink alone? sure did. Alcohol related fights? absolutely.
I am sorry for all the addictions and losses in your family.
I appreciate you sharing them with me, and shedding some light on the genetics of addiction.
I even have family members who have knick names about their drinking habits, as if its a joke. because they are "smart" or hold jobs they dont think its a problem.
I drank the night i found out my mom died. when i found out two days later HOW she died .43 alcohol content and heart disease from alcohol, i stopped. it finally sank in.
this has been day 5 and it feels great.
I am finally ready to admit that I too am an alcoholic.
thank you,
and I wish you ALL the best in your own recovery. if i can ask have you been sober/clean since 2005? If so, I think that is really wonderful, and uplifting.
tracy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
So sorry about your Mom.
I think it is widely believed in the doctor community that genetics plays a big part in addiction and I think you are wise to choose to abstain from booze. Nothing bad can happen from not drinking, whereas a lot of bad can happen from drinking. Good luck and welcome to SR!
I think it is widely believed in the doctor community that genetics plays a big part in addiction and I think you are wise to choose to abstain from booze. Nothing bad can happen from not drinking, whereas a lot of bad can happen from drinking. Good luck and welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss, and all you are trying to come to terms with as a result of your mothers drinking.
I hope you stay, post, learn. There are so many wonderful people here. And we are always here to listen.
God Bless.
I hope you stay, post, learn. There are so many wonderful people here. And we are always here to listen.
God Bless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 20
yes my mom really passed 1/15, i think just a few weeks after Christmas too.
last time i saw her was Christmas. last time i spoke to her was new years eve, and of course she was drinking.
when i did not hear from her on my birthday 1/9 i knew something was wrong...
i called and called but she would not return my calls (though still alive)....
anyhow my first reaction during all of this was to drink also.
but then hearing from the doc who did the autopsy was the HUGE wake up call.
he warned me of the disease of drinking.
the a glass of wine is ok, but if you crave more than that, a bell should go off.
and i always craved more than that. and the bell went off.
i wish you ALL the luck in the world in the new year. each day is a new day towards recovery.
i hope we together can come to terms with our drinking.
thank you so much i will continue to read post and learn.
i am also reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous right now.
it was left downstairs in my apt. building months ago, as a sign, i feel.
i highly recommend it to all, this as been an age old epidemic.
-tp
last time i saw her was Christmas. last time i spoke to her was new years eve, and of course she was drinking.
when i did not hear from her on my birthday 1/9 i knew something was wrong...
i called and called but she would not return my calls (though still alive)....
anyhow my first reaction during all of this was to drink also.
but then hearing from the doc who did the autopsy was the HUGE wake up call.
he warned me of the disease of drinking.
the a glass of wine is ok, but if you crave more than that, a bell should go off.
and i always craved more than that. and the bell went off.
i wish you ALL the luck in the world in the new year. each day is a new day towards recovery.
i hope we together can come to terms with our drinking.
thank you so much i will continue to read post and learn.
i am also reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous right now.
it was left downstairs in my apt. building months ago, as a sign, i feel.
i highly recommend it to all, this as been an age old epidemic.
-tp
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 396
Welcome tp
I am new here as well, and I find the people here to be sincere, and they will give you honest answers to your questions, even if it's not what you want to hear. And that's what I was looking for.
I am new here as well, and I find the people here to be sincere, and they will give you honest answers to your questions, even if it's not what you want to hear. And that's what I was looking for.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome tpersis and thankyou for sharing your heartache with us. It's wonderful you've evaluated your drinking habits and made a wise decision, some never see what they're doing to themselves. It sounds as if you're sad about your mother's affliction, but not bitter - I hope that is the case. I'm sure she loved you and was oblivious to the harm she was doing. At least good can come out of this terrible loss, with you looking forward to a new life, lived without the cloud of addiction hanging over you. SR is a wonderful place that saved me from self-destruction. Sending love & hope your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 20
Thanks Hevyn for your support.
the crazy thing with alcohol is, my mom was not fully oblivious.
but sadly, and im sure you can relate, the more she realized what the problem was, the more she drank.
i realize we all have the choice. i found no better time to quit than now, in your deepest sorrow-- without any dulling of the pain, no drinks, no medication. and you are right, there is no bitterness, only sadness. Sadness that I could not help her.
I am glad SR is has saved you...
I am glad I found SR this week
tp
the crazy thing with alcohol is, my mom was not fully oblivious.
but sadly, and im sure you can relate, the more she realized what the problem was, the more she drank.
i realize we all have the choice. i found no better time to quit than now, in your deepest sorrow-- without any dulling of the pain, no drinks, no medication. and you are right, there is no bitterness, only sadness. Sadness that I could not help her.
I am glad SR is has saved you...
I am glad I found SR this week
tp
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