Keeping Alcohol in the house???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
Keeping Alcohol in the house???
Hello all,
I was wondering if anyone else has had this issue. My AH has been only sober about a month (I thought it was 6 but he just fessed up falling off the wagon a few times) and we have had this argument several times in the past. I don't think when we have family over that we need to offer beer (his drink of choice) to them. He actually goes to the carryout and buys it. I am unsure if this is "normal behavior" for an A. I think people can do without it while they are here and he disagrees with me greatly. This has caused quite a riff with us. Has anyone else had this issue and what have you done about it. He says it is in a cooler out on the porch so it isn't really "in the house". What a crock as if 3 ft out of the door is any different. I would love to hear anyone elses experience on this.
Thanks.
I was wondering if anyone else has had this issue. My AH has been only sober about a month (I thought it was 6 but he just fessed up falling off the wagon a few times) and we have had this argument several times in the past. I don't think when we have family over that we need to offer beer (his drink of choice) to them. He actually goes to the carryout and buys it. I am unsure if this is "normal behavior" for an A. I think people can do without it while they are here and he disagrees with me greatly. This has caused quite a riff with us. Has anyone else had this issue and what have you done about it. He says it is in a cooler out on the porch so it isn't really "in the house". What a crock as if 3 ft out of the door is any different. I would love to hear anyone elses experience on this.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 196
I have alcohol in my house. I have a couple of friends that drink beer who have left their beer at the house. I'm not a beer drinker. Also my partner has a container of rum. I don't know. I just really don't want to drink.
I think he can have alcohol in the house if he is serious about being sober. However, I would warn you that if my partner were to tell me I COULDN'T do it. It'd be the fastest way to get me to do it. So I would watch out for the "you CAN'T because you're an alkie" talk. Maybe he's different, but I think most people don't like being singled out as different or as if we have limitations. Especially us.
I think he can have alcohol in the house if he is serious about being sober. However, I would warn you that if my partner were to tell me I COULDN'T do it. It'd be the fastest way to get me to do it. So I would watch out for the "you CAN'T because you're an alkie" talk. Maybe he's different, but I think most people don't like being singled out as different or as if we have limitations. Especially us.
Getting better every day!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Clinton Twp, MI
Posts: 118
My husband has adamantly insisted that I not throw anything out that I might want to drink.....he doesn't want me to be inconvenienced in any way, doesn't want his alcoholism to negatively affect my life any more than it already has. I wanted to get rid of the wine he likes (my wine I'm not worried about, he'd rather drink motor oil than my wine)....I'm not comfortable drinking in front of him yet, and would be even less comfortable drinking the wine he likes. So I was going to give it to my mom, and he really didn't want me to. It hasn't caused him any trouble because he's very serious about sobriety right now. He did pour out the beer that was left after his last binge, because he found himself wanting one with lunch a few days later. But the wine hasn't been an issue as of now.
As Freedom said, if he wants to drink he'll drink, having it in the house or not won't matter one way or the other. In my home I've given up the fight, because I saw that it was upsetting him more for me to talk about getting rid of it than just leaving it in the fridge. If it becomes a problem for him he has vowed to dump it. I have to trust him in that as long as he doesn't show me he can't be trusted.
It sounds like your husband is having some of the same feelings mine does....he just doesn't want his alcoholism to be an issue for anyone else. If others can't drink beer in his presence, then his alcoholism is an issue for them, in his eyes anyway, even if they don't mind one bit. I totally understand how uncomfortable it makes you....unfortunately there just isn't really anything you can do about it if he insists on having beer around for guests.
:ghug3
As Freedom said, if he wants to drink he'll drink, having it in the house or not won't matter one way or the other. In my home I've given up the fight, because I saw that it was upsetting him more for me to talk about getting rid of it than just leaving it in the fridge. If it becomes a problem for him he has vowed to dump it. I have to trust him in that as long as he doesn't show me he can't be trusted.
It sounds like your husband is having some of the same feelings mine does....he just doesn't want his alcoholism to be an issue for anyone else. If others can't drink beer in his presence, then his alcoholism is an issue for them, in his eyes anyway, even if they don't mind one bit. I totally understand how uncomfortable it makes you....unfortunately there just isn't really anything you can do about it if he insists on having beer around for guests.
:ghug3
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
My dad got sober when I was just a tot. There was always alcohol in the house when I was growing up. Same logic - need to have it on hand for guests.
For me, I can't have it in the house. I would obsess about it. Me and my wife have agreed that we don't allow alcohol in the house, even when guests come over.
IMHO, stocking this or that (alcohol or otherwise) for guests is bull. I've never had a guest get all upset over us not serving anything one way or another. Most people (normal people) really don't care if there's alcohol available or not anyway.
And now that I'm in recovery, my mom and dad don't keep alcohol in their house either. Or at least they hide it. I have a history of sneaking their booze when I was supposedly sober, so they have stopped doing that pretty much.
For me, I can't have it in the house. I would obsess about it. Me and my wife have agreed that we don't allow alcohol in the house, even when guests come over.
IMHO, stocking this or that (alcohol or otherwise) for guests is bull. I've never had a guest get all upset over us not serving anything one way or another. Most people (normal people) really don't care if there's alcohol available or not anyway.
And now that I'm in recovery, my mom and dad don't keep alcohol in their house either. Or at least they hide it. I have a history of sneaking their booze when I was supposedly sober, so they have stopped doing that pretty much.
"Taking the risk to blossom"
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: a little piece of heaven! Ontario Canada
Posts: 245
I don't tend to keep alcohol in the house -- it was one more thing I was trying to control -- if it wasn't there, he wouldn't drink it. But my husband just goes out, then doesn't come home if he's drinking -- so he found a way around my control.
If guests come to our house and they want a drink, they bring their own
If guests come to our house and they want a drink, they bring their own
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
I do keep alcohol in the house......but my partner will be celebrating 25 years this Wednesday (2/11). As far as serving it goes, I will serve it at parties, dinners, etc... unless there is someone present with less than a year sobriety. If I'm inviting people with less than a year, I ask if any of them have a problem, and if any one of them does, we don't serve it. (I also have a "house rule" that anyone who has said that he/she is an alcoholic and/or anyone who has, in the past, behaved inappropriately at my house when drinking, does not drink at my house, period.)
I guess my feeling is that, on the one hand, I don't want to tempt anyone in early sobriety unnecessarily, but, on the other, at some point, those in recovery from alcoholism do need to be able to deal with the fact that there are lots of social situations in which lots of people who don't have trouble with drinking are going to be having a drink and they need to be able to deal with that.
freya
I guess my feeling is that, on the one hand, I don't want to tempt anyone in early sobriety unnecessarily, but, on the other, at some point, those in recovery from alcoholism do need to be able to deal with the fact that there are lots of social situations in which lots of people who don't have trouble with drinking are going to be having a drink and they need to be able to deal with that.
freya
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
Thank you all for your wonderful comments. Good food for thought! In one sense, maybe I am trying to control situation (and I am working on that) but on the other hand with his sobriety so new I figure why tempt it. All of you are right who said if he is gonna drink, he will no matter what. I always compare it to being on a diet. When I am on a diet, I don't want to sit around and watch people eat chocolate cake when I can't have it. It makes it too easy to say "well I can just start tomorrow". One piece wont hurt me today.
6
6
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: England
Posts: 27
The thing is with an A is that they differ from a person in a diet situation. It's not a temptation, something triggers the need a switch if you like. If the switch is switched, the A will find a way to drink, whether it is in the house or they go out and get it. I agree the it's easier to get to if the drink is in the house but that in itself is not the trigger. What is? If only we knew. Personally, I don't keep drink in the house as my AW is home alone at times but this is more for my benefit than hers. She and all other As can get to drink if they want. Don't try to control the situation, you WILL go mad.
Nic
Nic
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