Old habits die hard
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Old habits die hard
You know, you think I would have learned something in the past year or so but I swear those old habits come right back to haunt me.
I come home today. The minute I come in I swear I smell booze. I know its smell. I am in tune to the smell because I hate smelling it when I know I shouldn't be smelling it.
So I look at him and he looks "goofy", you know the glassy, red eyes and the "I can just tell" look.
So what do I do? I ask him. Have you been drinking today? Now I know his response is going to be no even if he was and I know he is going to get all kinds of defensive, so why do I ask. When am I going to learn to just stay quiet. I guess because it pisses me off.
One minute he's talking about wanting to go to a meeting and the next I come home to "that smell".
Just needed to vent and ask for a whack from the skillet or something. I just don't understand my own self some times.
Hugs,
Debbie
I come home today. The minute I come in I swear I smell booze. I know its smell. I am in tune to the smell because I hate smelling it when I know I shouldn't be smelling it.
So I look at him and he looks "goofy", you know the glassy, red eyes and the "I can just tell" look.
So what do I do? I ask him. Have you been drinking today? Now I know his response is going to be no even if he was and I know he is going to get all kinds of defensive, so why do I ask. When am I going to learn to just stay quiet. I guess because it pisses me off.
One minute he's talking about wanting to go to a meeting and the next I come home to "that smell".
Just needed to vent and ask for a whack from the skillet or something. I just don't understand my own self some times.
Hugs,
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
((((((((((Debbie)))))))))) No whacks from me (I'm the last person to be swinging a skillet!) but I'm sending you lots of hugs and support. Old habits really do die hard - sometimes the words come out of our mouths before we can stop them. I did the same thing last night, so you're in good company. 
I'm also sending you ice-cream - if you have to keep quiet, at least do it while doing something enjoyable!
Lots of love and hugs!
I'm also sending you ice-cream - if you have to keep quiet, at least do it while doing something enjoyable!Lots of love and hugs!
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Thanks Margo!! I guess you are right. It's like I become this different person. After I open my mouth, I know I put my foot in it. I should just come in and do what I normally do and ignore it.
Oh well, after I eat some dinner I will be enjoying that ice cream you are sending
(I've been on a major ice cream kick lately).
Hugs back at you!
Love,
Debbie
PS Has anyone tried the Ben & Jerry's Tunnel of Fudge? It is to die for.......I think its called that. Chocolate with white chips, vanilla with dark chips and a tunnel of fudge in the middle.......oh my........
Oh well, after I eat some dinner I will be enjoying that ice cream you are sending
(I've been on a major ice cream kick lately).Hugs back at you!
Love,
Debbie
PS Has anyone tried the Ben & Jerry's Tunnel of Fudge? It is to die for.......I think its called that. Chocolate with white chips, vanilla with dark chips and a tunnel of fudge in the middle.......oh my........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
((((( Debbie!!!! ))))))
What you need is to make up a secret code so you get the right answer. From now on, the code for "Have you been drinking?" is "Will it bother you if I fart in your general direction?" He'll tell the truth without even knowing it. Then you can be smug. Smug smug smug!
Hugs!
Smoke
What you need is to make up a secret code so you get the right answer. From now on, the code for "Have you been drinking?" is "Will it bother you if I fart in your general direction?" He'll tell the truth without even knowing it. Then you can be smug. Smug smug smug!
Hugs!
Smoke
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Oh my gosh I was eating M & M's and almost spit them out reading that.........lolol. Too funny! I am rolling here.
I will keep that in mind Smoke but he would probably say no! lol
And JT, I like the punctuation concept. I will keep that in mind
You guys always make me feel better.
Many hugs!
Love,
Debbie
I will keep that in mind Smoke but he would probably say no! lol
And JT, I like the punctuation concept. I will keep that in mind
You guys always make me feel better.
Many hugs!
Love,
Debbie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Debbie
I'm sending hugs too....just as soon as I clean the coffee off my computer LOL.
It took me forever to learn to hold back from my normal reactions, and even today I am still as guilty as you sometimes. I think it is because they are being jerks right there in our face.
Take a nice relaxing bubble bath and wash all the resentments away.
Hugs
Ann
I'm sending hugs too....just as soon as I clean the coffee off my computer LOL.
It took me forever to learn to hold back from my normal reactions, and even today I am still as guilty as you sometimes. I think it is because they are being jerks right there in our face.
Take a nice relaxing bubble bath and wash all the resentments away.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Ooo-ooo that smell
The smell of it surrounds you.
Sorry, I got possessed by Skynnard there for a minute.
Debbie, I'm sorry that your "drunkdar" went off. Mine went off recently too, but it turned out I was wrong. Boy was I pleasantly surprised.
I know the thought process that goes "why bother asking, he will only lie to me." I think Smoke maybe onto something with her "code (or should it be "codie") phrase.
Hugs Deb.
Peace,
Gabe
P.S. Ahem...why do Ann and JT's avatars have my magic wand? Is there a little Keebler elf somewhere who is manufacturing them and passing them out to the SR board broads? If so, good on him.
Sorry, I got possessed by Skynnard there for a minute.
Debbie, I'm sorry that your "drunkdar" went off. Mine went off recently too, but it turned out I was wrong. Boy was I pleasantly surprised.
I know the thought process that goes "why bother asking, he will only lie to me." I think Smoke maybe onto something with her "code (or should it be "codie") phrase.
Hugs Deb.
Peace,
Gabe
P.S. Ahem...why do Ann and JT's avatars have my magic wand? Is there a little Keebler elf somewhere who is manufacturing them and passing them out to the SR board broads? If so, good on him.
I used to work here ;)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
You guys always do make me feel better. I actually took a nap last night and when I awoke he was asleep also so I didn't need to whack him or ask him the "f" question
Today when I come home if I smell that smell, I think I will just go back out. Good excuse to go shopping......lol
Talk to you all later.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Today when I come home if I smell that smell, I think I will just go back out. Good excuse to go shopping......lol
Talk to you all later.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
BarbieDeb,
Don't beat yourself up for old habits sneaking back in....especially since you were out of practice. It is easier (for me) to keep up my new self when my A is activily using.....I tend to get slack when he is "behaving" so when there is a backslide......I slide to! Right into my pre-al-anon days......the good news is we don't have to start over we have already learned a lot.....we just have to apply it! (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
Constant
Don't beat yourself up for old habits sneaking back in....especially since you were out of practice. It is easier (for me) to keep up my new self when my A is activily using.....I tend to get slack when he is "behaving" so when there is a backslide......I slide to! Right into my pre-al-anon days......the good news is we don't have to start over we have already learned a lot.....we just have to apply it! (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
Constant
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pacific NW.....
Posts: 8
Hi Debble,
I know the feeling..... you know they have been drinking and when you ask they ALWAYS lie about it....... it feels like your beating your head into a brick wall........ it's like..... why ask.... they are only going to lie anyway..... but I'm with you... I get mad too]
Good luck!! I too would like to know how to deal with this and how to use my energy else where!...... We are in need of coping skills!
Best wishes
I know the feeling..... you know they have been drinking and when you ask they ALWAYS lie about it....... it feels like your beating your head into a brick wall........ it's like..... why ask.... they are only going to lie anyway..... but I'm with you... I get mad too]
Good luck!! I too would like to know how to deal with this and how to use my energy else where!...... We are in need of coping skills!
Best wishes
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
wheredoistart
A good place to start is at a 12-step meeting...Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, CoDA. That's where I started and I have never looked back.
Give yourself a wonderful gift - try a meeting.
Hugs
Ann
A good place to start is at a 12-step meeting...Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, CoDA. That's where I started and I have never looked back.
Give yourself a wonderful gift - try a meeting.
Hugs
Ann
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Darn it anyway, you guys are always looking thro the pc. and know just what's going on...now I have to call my sponsor....
Barbiedeb....SHE (sponsor) told me "If You don't want to know the answer; Don't ask the question"....Now I already knew that....
I agree with Ann maybe we all should go to an extra meeting this week...I always feel soooo much better a meeting to bad I can't tonight but I do have a sponsoree meeting in an while and I can't keep it if I don't give it away...
Oh well, we all have what I call knee jerk reactions....so you're human...if we had wings and a halo no one would want us around
'cause who can stand being around perfection....we'd have to accsend.
It takes time and practice to grow for us as well as them....so it's good we can laugh about the same things we used to cry about...
Barbiedeb:
I am sending you some lovely chocolate for your ice cream.....I'll just sit here wishing my little dog had a wand or maybe a halo...
Better than that would be if I could firgue out how to get her one myself....
Love you gals and guys...you made my day...
Barbiedeb....SHE (sponsor) told me "If You don't want to know the answer; Don't ask the question"....Now I already knew that....
I agree with Ann maybe we all should go to an extra meeting this week...I always feel soooo much better a meeting to bad I can't tonight but I do have a sponsoree meeting in an while and I can't keep it if I don't give it away...
Oh well, we all have what I call knee jerk reactions....so you're human...if we had wings and a halo no one would want us around
'cause who can stand being around perfection....we'd have to accsend.
It takes time and practice to grow for us as well as them....so it's good we can laugh about the same things we used to cry about...
Barbiedeb:
I am sending you some lovely chocolate for your ice cream.....I'll just sit here wishing my little dog had a wand or maybe a halo...
Better than that would be if I could firgue out how to get her one myself....
Love you gals and guys...you made my day...
Last edited by Daffodil; 08-08-2003 at 01:09 PM.
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