A Lesson Learned on SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 381
A Lesson Learned on SR
Yesterday I sent a friend request to a fellow alcoholic and the response I got was basically "Why would you want to be friends? From reading your disparaging posts it seems we have nothing in common".
I guess I should have thought twice about that seeing as how this guy likes to "Chat online with hot chicks all day".
So true, I guess we don't have anything in common.
I am still surprised at how much this actually hurt, and to the extent that I decided that my week had been sh*tty enough, so why not have a glass of wine? Which of course, inevitably turned into a full-on black-out drunk episode.
The thing I learned about this incident is that it's probably wise to exercise a more caution on here and maybe tone down my posts and not reveal my troubles so much on here. But I came here to get feedback and wisdom from others who may have experienced the same things I do; not try to win some popularity contest and joke around or hook up with people. That's what Myspace is for, but oh yeah, Myspace is not really the kind of place for men in their fifties.
And so I also learned that not everywhere on here is nice, not everyone is honest or comes here with good intentions. There are some on here who probably think, that after reading my posts, that I'm a total train-wreck, there are some who can't relate to me at all, or simply don't care, and I accept that.
I think I am going to lay low for a little while and keep my activity on here to private messaging for now.
I'm sorry if this offended anyone.
-LD
I guess I should have thought twice about that seeing as how this guy likes to "Chat online with hot chicks all day".
So true, I guess we don't have anything in common.
I am still surprised at how much this actually hurt, and to the extent that I decided that my week had been sh*tty enough, so why not have a glass of wine? Which of course, inevitably turned into a full-on black-out drunk episode.
The thing I learned about this incident is that it's probably wise to exercise a more caution on here and maybe tone down my posts and not reveal my troubles so much on here. But I came here to get feedback and wisdom from others who may have experienced the same things I do; not try to win some popularity contest and joke around or hook up with people. That's what Myspace is for, but oh yeah, Myspace is not really the kind of place for men in their fifties.
And so I also learned that not everywhere on here is nice, not everyone is honest or comes here with good intentions. There are some on here who probably think, that after reading my posts, that I'm a total train-wreck, there are some who can't relate to me at all, or simply don't care, and I accept that.
I think I am going to lay low for a little while and keep my activity on here to private messaging for now.
I'm sorry if this offended anyone.
-LD
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Sorry you had a bad experience Ladita but one bad apple doesn't spoil the bunch. I am sure that most people here would like to be invited to be your friend because of what you have posted. :ghug3
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
That would hurt me too.. but you gotta know, just like in regular ol life, there's great people, and there's jerks. Us addicts are selfish by nature sometimes.. I'm sure he likely had no care or idea about your feelings. Post away hun!!!
And fubar is right lol.. I was sitting here like.. HEY she's never asked ME to be her friend! lol.. see how fragile we all are?
And fubar is right lol.. I was sitting here like.. HEY she's never asked ME to be her friend! lol.. see how fragile we all are?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 176
Well that just SUCKS! We are on SR to vent, complain, support, celebrate, rejoice.....everything that goes into RECOVERY. It ain't all pretty....that's why we are here!!!!! So sorry this happened to you. Do not lay low.....post away my friend!!!
:ghug3
:ghug3
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Hey LaDita, I'm really sorry that happened... don't let it spoil your SR experience. There are plenty of great people here who like to read your posts and relate to them a lot. Personally, I am glad to be your friend!
:ghug3
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Attica, MI
Posts: 465
Hang in there Ladita, I have noticed a few negative posts on here, I guess they'll always be people who refuse to get along no matter where your at. I agree with Fubar...don't let whoever that was spoil your time here. So many good people willing to listen and help/be helped. People here need each other, we need you to keep posting, so we can learn and grow from you just as you can from others....
your important to this site.
God bless.
your important to this site.
God bless.
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
]
Oh dear thanks for the warning I suppose we better be careful.....and sorry you got hurt. I try remember ...the people that mind dont matter.....and the people that matter dont mind
The thing I learned about this incident is that it's probably wise to exercise a more caution on here and maybe tone down my posts and not reveal my troubles so much on here. But I came here to get feedback and wisdom from others who may have experienced the same things I do; not try to win some popularity contest and joke around or hook up with people
Oh dear thanks for the warning I suppose we better be careful.....and sorry you got hurt. I try remember ...the people that mind dont matter.....and the people that matter dont mind
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Try thinking of this idiots "rejection" as a Blessing. After all, what if you got to be, what you thought was close friends, when in reality, he was hoping for more. I know I'd rather find out what someone is truly like in the beginning than to open up my heart, share my deepest secrets and then, possibly get a "sex letter" one day or something along those lines.
I hate to see that this happened but hopefully by you being honest and sharing and opening up like you have will help alot of other people out. After all, isn't that why we're here? I hope this guy reads this thread and realizes that words hurt, even if they do come from a complete stranger. You have also reminded us that not everyone on here is here for the right reasons. Just like in the real world, not everyone at Meetings is there for the right reasons.
I myself, admire you. You have came on here and put yourself out there and in my opinion, that is what it takes in Recovery. As the saying goes, we're only as sick as the secrets we keep. By getting your secrets out, you are on your way to letting go of the past and moving on to a life without this disease holding you hostage.
Don't let this guy keep you from getting everything you need and deserve. Don't let him win. One of my favorite expressions, even though we will never see it on the walls at a Meeting is "F*ck the dumb sh*t."
I think this individual is wallering in his own misery to even care about anyone else. Please stick around. . . you need us and we need you.
Hugs,
Judy
I hate to see that this happened but hopefully by you being honest and sharing and opening up like you have will help alot of other people out. After all, isn't that why we're here? I hope this guy reads this thread and realizes that words hurt, even if they do come from a complete stranger. You have also reminded us that not everyone on here is here for the right reasons. Just like in the real world, not everyone at Meetings is there for the right reasons.
I myself, admire you. You have came on here and put yourself out there and in my opinion, that is what it takes in Recovery. As the saying goes, we're only as sick as the secrets we keep. By getting your secrets out, you are on your way to letting go of the past and moving on to a life without this disease holding you hostage.
Don't let this guy keep you from getting everything you need and deserve. Don't let him win. One of my favorite expressions, even though we will never see it on the walls at a Meeting is "F*ck the dumb sh*t."
I think this individual is wallering in his own misery to even care about anyone else. Please stick around. . . you need us and we need you.
Hugs,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 396
I think many of us are fragile right now. Learning a new way of dealing with things is not easy. I can't drink to forget the stupid things I did when I was drunk. I was kinda hurt by what people said with a thread I started. I had to remind myself that everybody has their own opinion and that's ok. I learned my lesson. As for that guy, I would have been super hurt too. What's the harm in accepting friendship? Someone is just trying to be nice, and I for one am thrilled when someone requests friendship. Some people just have no consideration for others.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
LaDita, don't let the (jerks) get you down, as they say. Honestly, this is the first time I've heard of such a thing on SR, & it would have crushed me, too, since I'm hyper-sensitive. I can't imagine making a cruel remark like that to someone who's trying to get well. I'd love to be your friend, so here comes a request. Sending love.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by LaDita 
Yesterday I sent a friend request to a fellow alcoholic and the response I got was basically "Why would you want to be friends? From reading your disparaging posts it seems we have nothing in common".
I guess I should have thought twice about that seeing as how this guy likes to "Chat online with hot chicks all day".
So true, I guess we don't have anything in common.
I am still surprised at how much this actually hurt, and to the extent that I decided that my week had been sh*tty enough, so why not have a glass of wine? Which of course, inevitably turned into a full-on black-out drunk episode.
The thing I learned about this incident is that it's probably wise to exercise a more caution on here and maybe tone down my posts and not reveal my troubles so much on here. But I came here to get feedback and wisdom from others who may have experienced the same things I do; not try to win some popularity contest and joke around or hook up with people. That's what Myspace is for, but oh yeah, Myspace is not really the kind of place for men in their fifties.
And so I also learned that not everywhere on here is nice, not everyone is honest or comes here with good intentions. There are some on here who probably think, that after reading my posts, that I'm a total train-wreck, there are some who can't relate to me at all, or simply don't care, and I accept that.
I think I am going to lay low for a little while and keep my activity on here to private messaging for now.
I'm sorry if this offended anyone.
-LD
I guess I should have thought twice about that seeing as how this guy likes to "Chat online with hot chicks all day".
So true, I guess we don't have anything in common.
I am still surprised at how much this actually hurt, and to the extent that I decided that my week had been sh*tty enough, so why not have a glass of wine? Which of course, inevitably turned into a full-on black-out drunk episode.
The thing I learned about this incident is that it's probably wise to exercise a more caution on here and maybe tone down my posts and not reveal my troubles so much on here. But I came here to get feedback and wisdom from others who may have experienced the same things I do; not try to win some popularity contest and joke around or hook up with people. That's what Myspace is for, but oh yeah, Myspace is not really the kind of place for men in their fifties.
And so I also learned that not everywhere on here is nice, not everyone is honest or comes here with good intentions. There are some on here who probably think, that after reading my posts, that I'm a total train-wreck, there are some who can't relate to me at all, or simply don't care, and I accept that.
I think I am going to lay low for a little while and keep my activity on here to private messaging for now.
I'm sorry if this offended anyone.
-LD
It has taken me a long time and a lot of work to get it through my head that what others think of me is None of my business. And there is no one person/place or thing that is worth me going back to my doc. Giving anyone that kind of power over you is not worth it.
If you think about it, why is their opinion more important than Yours?
What people say is about them and their own reality.
If and when we stop caring what everyone else thinks about us and worry about what we think about ourselves then we are no long hostage to others opinions and the moods of everyone else. We tend to create our own pain and suffering by worrying about what other people say and think.
It tends to only hurt if we believe it.
Most of us will defend a friend or someone on here to the end about how great they are or that they deserve to be happy or whatever, but when it comes to ourselves we easily accept what is thrown at us, we run and think because someone said it, well it must be true.
There comes a time when we have to start defending our own self worth just as much or even more as we would for anyone else.
It's up to you if you decide to lay low for awhile, but Really?
Your going to let one person take away from your recovery?
Someone you barely know?
Or you can keep coming here and working on yourself, and do what
you are here to do. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.
:ghug
JMO~
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by Done_With_It
It's up to you if you decide to lay low for awhile, but Really?
Your going to let one person take away from your recovery?
Someone you barely know?
Or you can keep coming here and working on yourself, and do what
you are here to do. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.
Your going to let one person take away from your recovery?
Someone you barely know?
Or you can keep coming here and working on yourself, and do what
you are here to do. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
LaDita,
When I first came here, I tried to seek out a couple of women who I thought had exactly what I wanted. I stuck with them for quite awhile and I feel blessed to have known them. When I felt less fragile, I ventured out more. I believe the vast majority of people here and here for recovery and they are focused on that. Of course, there is always an occasional person who might make a snippy comment, but that is their problem. You are right to learn from the experience and move on, but don't let one person's nasty comment change you.
When I first came here, I tried to seek out a couple of women who I thought had exactly what I wanted. I stuck with them for quite awhile and I feel blessed to have known them. When I felt less fragile, I ventured out more. I believe the vast majority of people here and here for recovery and they are focused on that. Of course, there is always an occasional person who might make a snippy comment, but that is their problem. You are right to learn from the experience and move on, but don't let one person's nasty comment change you.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,935
That guy sounds like a big doofus...geeze some people have no tact or respect for the feelings of others. I say hang around LaDita 
and continue to be an wonderful example of compassionate willingness to recover from addiction.
LOL...I'm hoping there will be a senior MySpace some day.
and continue to be an wonderful example of compassionate willingness to recover from addiction.
Originally Posted by LaDita
I do; not try to win some popularity contest and joke around or hook up with people. That's what Myspace is for, but oh yeah, Myspace is not really the kind of place for men in their fifties.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
I felt the exact same way in my early days here!
So I blocked a few people who I felt had little or nothing to share except for their disgust and criticism for everything in their path.
As time went on these same people posted of their woes, their relapses, and their never-ending problems. Imagine that.
True - not all of people are here to share experience, strength, and hope.
But I'll go out on a limb and say that 99% of us are here to share our E,S, and H, and we're here for YOU.
So be here for US, okay?
So I blocked a few people who I felt had little or nothing to share except for their disgust and criticism for everything in their path.
As time went on these same people posted of their woes, their relapses, and their never-ending problems. Imagine that.
True - not all of people are here to share experience, strength, and hope.
But I'll go out on a limb and say that 99% of us are here to share our E,S, and H, and we're here for YOU.
So be here for US, okay?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
I can only echo what everyone else has said LaDita, your posts have always struck me as honest and open, I really relate to a lot of the things you have offered.
There are people everywhere who will make you feel small but don't let anyone have the power to make you feel so low that you return to using.
Also don't let this experience stop you from reaching out for help, just pick your potential friends better. LOL
I hope to see many more of your posts, don't stay away whatever you do. x
There are people everywhere who will make you feel small but don't let anyone have the power to make you feel so low that you return to using.
Also don't let this experience stop you from reaching out for help, just pick your potential friends better. LOL
I hope to see many more of your posts, don't stay away whatever you do. x
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
