blessed4x

I got a ticket yesterday for speeding and my tags were expired. The nice gentleman who pulled me over agreed not to tow my vehicle if I would go take care of it. So I did. I've got past due bills, my house is a wreck, I never make the bed anymore, and we clothe ourselves from the piles of laundry that never seem to get put away. I'm over 6 months late on my annual exams, and the calendar that hangs in the kitchen to keep track of everything is still sitting on December.

My life is unmanagable. I have let all of these things go because I am so preoccupied with my husbands drinking and my pain. I narrowly escaped going to jail because of of how sick I have become......and I didn't have to take a single drink get that way. I have to get to alanon. There's a saturday morning meeting and I need to have my oldest watch his sibs so I can get there. I really think it has become a life or death matter. I have spent the last few months thinking if I could just figure out a way to move on and get the strength to file for divorce everything would be fine. Tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks that even if that happens (and I still believe it will) everything may not be fine. If I don't get to the roots of this problem the poison ivy will continue to grow.

GiveLove

(((blessed)))

Please make that meeting.....and let us know how it goes.

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

:ghug3

LaTeeDa

I, too, thought if I could just get him out of the house and out of my life, I would be just fine. I did that and I wasn't. I had a lot to learn and long way to go. Every single bit of it has been so worth it. Today I am actually grateful to have been brought so low because, stubborn as I am, I probably would not have made the effort to change had I not.

L

cyclelady

(((Blessed))) - Baby steps..... I know the feeling of unmanageable...God do I know....Be gentle with yourself. You are making plans, you are going to your first meeting, that is great. I know I feel peaceful when I step into those rooms of Alanon. I'm hoping you will feel the same.
I'll keep you in my prayers.:ghug3

aasharon90

Glad ur here to vent. Lots of caring people
to help you with sharing suggestions to guide
you on ur way.

Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and u I am truely grateful.

In my situation i was/am the alcoholic
wanting to get out of my marriage
of 25 yrs. Not that it was abusive
or anything like that. It was because
I got sober 7 yrs into the marriage
and I began to change.

Changing in the way like peeling
an onion. As the yrs began to pass
and I continued to stay sober, the
layers of my defects of character
began to fall away. Layers of the
onion began to peel away.

I was growing into a different
person in the way I didnt drink
anymore nor behave like i use to.

I was sooooo unhappy in my marriage
and was looking for things outside
to make me happy.....it use to be
the drinking cus it numbed my
feelings of unhappiness and distrust
i had not only with myself but towards
my spouse.

I prayed and cried to the heavens
countless times in hopes to be heard
quickly......however i had to be reminded
that all will come in His (HP) time and
not mine.

Until that happened i got off my tush
and reached out to people in the
program for help. I went to any lengths
i could to help me get to where I
am today.....

Because of doing the next best thing
I was directed back home to Baton Rouge
after an extended long vacation in Houston.

From there i had jobs and met someone
wonderful. All gifts provided to me from
Above.

Today, im one week away from remarrying,
have highlights in my hair for the first time
in my life along with numerous lovely tattoos
all at the age of 50. And at this age i dont
look it nor feel it.....

What an awesome journey this has been
for me and its no where's to being over
yet.

Take care of you and reach out for help
so you will know a new freedom like
I have.

Thanks for leting me share.

Freedom1990

:ghug :ghug

I know there are people who think I am nuts when I say that codependency kills. That's exactly where I was headed when the ex-fiance (dry drunk) walked out almost 10 years ago. That was the deal-breaker that brought me to my knees and made me realize just how serious my codependency issues were.

Keeping you in my prayers. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Bernadette

from freedom: I know there are people who think I am nuts when I say that codependency kills.

I don't think you're nuts. I had a startling reminder of this fact yesterday in my girlfriend.

blessed4x please take care of yourself!! Meetings, therapy, meditation: whatever it takes! Take care of your mental health!!
((((((hugs)))))))
b.

blessed4x

Thank you so much for the support. I went AND I shared. I was a nervous wreck all the way there. There were 12 of the nicest ladies (no men) who all seemed to know exactly what mess I've been living in. I don't know what I expected, but no one there was scary. I got teary off and on through the meeting. They said they weren't going to have a specific topic, just wanted to share how alanon has impacted their lives and help me feel welcome. I heard over and over how each one arrived with no hope.....one lady 14 years ago!

Thank you to all of you who repeat over and over (often to deaf ears) your experience and support through alanon. I know it was the stories here that got me there, and now that I've been I know I'll be going back.

Ago

I'm very proud of you Blessed, that takes a TON of courage....Hang in there, it does get better, The Program helps, it really does, keep coming back, both here and there (f2f)

Freedom1990

Blessed, I'd say that meeting was definitely a God thing for you, hon. :ghug :ghug

ICant

great news blessed! Me too...It was the people here recommending Al-Anon that got me to my first meeting three months ago. When I heard about it prior to soberrecovery, I thought "How horrid. A bunch of women complaining about their alcoholic husbands." Nothing could be further from the truth. I found it very moving.

guiab

Blessed4x
It is heartening to hear about a meeting gone well.
With all the things going astray in my life, I try to remember to that if I keep Recovery as the number ONE priority, then the HP will help me make the rest work out.
Good luck-Good Recovery for the coming week!

Pajarito

(((blessed4x))) I haven't been able to get online for a few days- but wanted to say I hope you are doing better. Oh, how I know how life can seem unmanageable. Al-anon has helped me too. I'm glad you felt good about your meeting. Sometimes it takes a few to find the one that fits. Take care!