Lost In Space...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2
Lost In Space...
I was surfing around and found this forum.. I have spent some time reading. I am a 24 year old female from Canada and I have been working in the addictions field. I am familiar with alanon, but have never been to a meeting. There are two meetings weekly in the town that I live in, however anonimity in a small town doesn't exist.... most of the people in town know my father is an alcoholic.. yet I can't bring myself to attend an actual meeting. I am such an angry person, yet I hide it so well.. I thought I had dealt with a lot of these feelings, but they keep coming back. I am feeling lost.. just when I think I'm on top of things, everything seems to fall apart again...those are my thoughts for tonight.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hello LostinSpace and welcome!
If you're not ready for a face to face meeting, there are still ways to learn about codependent behavior and how to get a grip on it. On the "power posts" on this page is a post titled "book club" with some reading recommendations from our members. Take a look and find a book! And always feel free to come here and share or ask questions or just scream if you want to.
Hugs!
Smoke
If you're not ready for a face to face meeting, there are still ways to learn about codependent behavior and how to get a grip on it. On the "power posts" on this page is a post titled "book club" with some reading recommendations from our members. Take a look and find a book! And always feel free to come here and share or ask questions or just scream if you want to.
Hugs!
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Lost in Space!,
My Dad is also an alcoholic! (hubby too) I know how difficult it can be, after being the child and now being thrown into the reverse role play. It has been very hard to be "the one" to put my foot down and draw the lines about various issues with him. I have lots of anger that I am still working through.....he has four grand children and is missing out on them. How sad for him, but it makes me mad!
I haven't attended a face to face meeting either, but I am working the steps and make a concious effort everyday to not be the co-dependant. This forum has been a life saver....I hope you find the same comfort from it as I have.
Blessings, Constant
My Dad is also an alcoholic! (hubby too) I know how difficult it can be, after being the child and now being thrown into the reverse role play. It has been very hard to be "the one" to put my foot down and draw the lines about various issues with him. I have lots of anger that I am still working through.....he has four grand children and is missing out on them. How sad for him, but it makes me mad!
I haven't attended a face to face meeting either, but I am working the steps and make a concious effort everyday to not be the co-dependant. This forum has been a life saver....I hope you find the same comfort from it as I have.
Blessings, Constant
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome Lost in Space,
Anger is not unique...just learning that other's felt the same as me was a huge. There are many people who don't attend face to face meetings and still manage to find serenity.
Make yourself at home,
JT
Anger is not unique...just learning that other's felt the same as me was a huge. There are many people who don't attend face to face meetings and still manage to find serenity.
Make yourself at home,
JT
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
welcome !
Most of us have a hard time with entering alanon
for the first time, after a few visits you can find the comfort
and peace of being with others who have also been effected
by someones drinking. Noone judges. The love in those rooms
keep me coming back.
One reason the program works is the cycle of giving and receiving.
GL.
Hugs
liddy
Most of us have a hard time with entering alanon
for the first time, after a few visits you can find the comfort
and peace of being with others who have also been effected
by someones drinking. Noone judges. The love in those rooms
keep me coming back.
One reason the program works is the cycle of giving and receiving.
GL.
Hugs
liddy
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Lost in Space,
Let me add my welcome also. Like everyone else has said, you can receive lots of comfort just by reading the power posts and all the comments of those who are suffering and going through the same things you are going through.
Lost, I was exactly in the same spot you are except my A is my daughter. I live in a small town and, good gosh, everyone knows my business before I EVEN know it! I was scared to death to attend a local meeting. I can't tell you how many times I rode by the meeting place, week after week, before I got up the courage to go in. But I finally did and I could kick myself to the curb for not doing it ALOT SOONER!!!!!!!!
Lost, you said it yourself. Everyone already knows about your dad, so you attending a meeting isn't going to reveal any big secret. But one of the best things about Al Anon is that we DO KEEP our anonimity. At the end of every meeting it is said, "Who you see here, what you say here, let it stay here." And it does, Lost.
Attending Al Anon meetings is a gift I give to myself twice a week. And I don't miss a meeting if I can help it. It is my counselling session, my venting time, my sharing meeting, my learning opportunity and an opportunity to look around the room and see people who undertstand EXACTLY what I'm going through. And these people give me SUCH ENCOURAGEMENT while living with a loved one with an addiction.
Please don't be scared of Al Anon meetings. The people in there WANT you to feel loved and supported. I am a PROUD, CARD CARRYING AL ANON member and I am thrilled when I see a new person come through the door because I want them to feel the support and love I feel from becoming a part of my Al Anon group.
Lost, if I could grab you by the hand and take you to Al Anon with me tonight I would. Heck, where do you live? I'll swing by and pick you up. Might be a long drive, though. How do you feel about spending the night in the southeastern United States????
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Let me add my welcome also. Like everyone else has said, you can receive lots of comfort just by reading the power posts and all the comments of those who are suffering and going through the same things you are going through.
Lost, I was exactly in the same spot you are except my A is my daughter. I live in a small town and, good gosh, everyone knows my business before I EVEN know it! I was scared to death to attend a local meeting. I can't tell you how many times I rode by the meeting place, week after week, before I got up the courage to go in. But I finally did and I could kick myself to the curb for not doing it ALOT SOONER!!!!!!!!
Lost, you said it yourself. Everyone already knows about your dad, so you attending a meeting isn't going to reveal any big secret. But one of the best things about Al Anon is that we DO KEEP our anonimity. At the end of every meeting it is said, "Who you see here, what you say here, let it stay here." And it does, Lost.
Attending Al Anon meetings is a gift I give to myself twice a week. And I don't miss a meeting if I can help it. It is my counselling session, my venting time, my sharing meeting, my learning opportunity and an opportunity to look around the room and see people who undertstand EXACTLY what I'm going through. And these people give me SUCH ENCOURAGEMENT while living with a loved one with an addiction.
Please don't be scared of Al Anon meetings. The people in there WANT you to feel loved and supported. I am a PROUD, CARD CARRYING AL ANON member and I am thrilled when I see a new person come through the door because I want them to feel the support and love I feel from becoming a part of my Al Anon group.
Lost, if I could grab you by the hand and take you to Al Anon with me tonight I would. Heck, where do you live? I'll swing by and pick you up. Might be a long drive, though. How do you feel about spending the night in the southeastern United States????
Hugs,
Hangin' In
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2
Thanks Everyone
I have done a lot of reading on codependancy. My personal library includes Codpendent No More, Beyond Codependency(Beattie), Family Secrets (Bradshaw), Perfect Daughters (Ackerman), and many more. For me reading and counselling people are easy, but to put it into practice myself is hard.
I am also aware of "Who you see here, what you say here, stays here" I can assure you that does not happen in this 'little' town. I work at a treatment centre, half of my coworkers are in recovery. At work, during shift change.. I often hear who was at AA last night and who was not and who was at Alanon the night before. I don't really think it's any of my business, but anonimity in this town does not exist. Everyone does know my father/family, I don't think I'd feel comfortable knowing that people would be talking about what I said in the privacy of a group. (Especially if they happened to be my coworkers). I think I may be better off with a counsellor that specializes in addictions to start?? Then I would doing it my way again right??
I am also aware of "Who you see here, what you say here, stays here" I can assure you that does not happen in this 'little' town. I work at a treatment centre, half of my coworkers are in recovery. At work, during shift change.. I often hear who was at AA last night and who was not and who was at Alanon the night before. I don't really think it's any of my business, but anonimity in this town does not exist. Everyone does know my father/family, I don't think I'd feel comfortable knowing that people would be talking about what I said in the privacy of a group. (Especially if they happened to be my coworkers). I think I may be better off with a counsellor that specializes in addictions to start?? Then I would doing it my way again right??
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Lost,
I have been involved with Al-Anon for a long time. About half of that time has involved regular face to face meetings. I have found that today this board has kept me centered quite nicely. I can vent if I want...I can hold my reality up to the light of day and get feedback.
We hold each other up and we kick each other in the shins when we deserve it. These great friends that I have met here have watched as I lost a loved one to heroin and have worked my way back from that experience.
Read and go to counceling if that is what you think you need. But we can be here to bounce things off of...we are here in the middle of the night when you can't sleep and early on Sunday morning when the councellor won't take your call.
Make yourself at home!
Hugs,
JT
I have been involved with Al-Anon for a long time. About half of that time has involved regular face to face meetings. I have found that today this board has kept me centered quite nicely. I can vent if I want...I can hold my reality up to the light of day and get feedback.
We hold each other up and we kick each other in the shins when we deserve it. These great friends that I have met here have watched as I lost a loved one to heroin and have worked my way back from that experience.
Read and go to counceling if that is what you think you need. But we can be here to bounce things off of...we are here in the middle of the night when you can't sleep and early on Sunday morning when the councellor won't take your call.
Make yourself at home!
Hugs,
JT
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