Did a dumb thing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: eastern Wyoming
Posts: 65
Did a dumb thing
I have a daughter whose is a drug addict. Doesn't work, of course. She has been out of food and bumming from family in a different town where she lives. I rationalized that I have helped my other children, only a couple times in several years, and that by sending her $50 bucks it would only be fair. I have not sent her money before.
Anyway, I called her to tell her the money would be there tomorrow and she said she'd have a friend pick up the mail because she is going out of state to help another friend who is having surgery. So many friends! I asked for what for (if you don't want an answer... don't ask, right?). She said she forgets what he's going for. Omigosh!
I know I got gamed. If I could've fit my arm into the mailbox I would've retrieved that letter. I guess I'll call it tuition. *grumble, grumble*
Oh well, this is practice not perfection, right?
Thanks for reading.
Anyway, I called her to tell her the money would be there tomorrow and she said she'd have a friend pick up the mail because she is going out of state to help another friend who is having surgery. So many friends! I asked for what for (if you don't want an answer... don't ask, right?). She said she forgets what he's going for. Omigosh!
I know I got gamed. If I could've fit my arm into the mailbox I would've retrieved that letter. I guess I'll call it tuition. *grumble, grumble*
Oh well, this is practice not perfection, right?
Thanks for reading.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome from another mom.
Unfortunately there is no play book for parenting an addict. The heartstrings tug sometimes and we just can't resist.
It seems as if you have lots of experience, strength an hope to share. Please stick around and keep posting.
When my son was active and so very thin, I would take him for a meal or occasionally give him a gift card for a restaurant like Subway. We can prob. predict what they'll do with cash.
Your heart is in the right place with your sick daughter.
May she get to the place where she sees that her life is unmanageable and seek change.
May you know serenity and joy in your own life in the meantime.
Unfortunately there is no play book for parenting an addict. The heartstrings tug sometimes and we just can't resist.
It seems as if you have lots of experience, strength an hope to share. Please stick around and keep posting.
When my son was active and so very thin, I would take him for a meal or occasionally give him a gift card for a restaurant like Subway. We can prob. predict what they'll do with cash.
Your heart is in the right place with your sick daughter.
May she get to the place where she sees that her life is unmanageable and seek change.
May you know serenity and joy in your own life in the meantime.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: eastern Wyoming
Posts: 65
Thanks. I've been looking around the forum and can identify with many members and their stories. I don't have face-to-face meetings around here and love reading the experience, strength and hope that everyone shares.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 101
Glad you're here, longview. Yes, we can ALL relate... What do they say, same story, different family?! That's what it feels like around here! It certainly helps to know that none of us are alone.
I could relate when you said, "So many friends!" I was just reflecting on how in the pre-drug days when my son was telling me a story he'd mention his friends by their names (as I knew them) NOW- he just says, "my friend," or, "my friends," it's almost code for his using friends... Sad.
I could relate when you said, "So many friends!" I was just reflecting on how in the pre-drug days when my son was telling me a story he'd mention his friends by their names (as I knew them) NOW- he just says, "my friend," or, "my friends," it's almost code for his using friends... Sad.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I think gift certificates work best when your intent is for food. Fast food might not be the healthiest but then again they're not really into eating healthy so next time just send a McDonald's gift card.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
$50 isn't too bad, many of us paid thousands of dollars over the years before we finally "got it" that it wasn't helping, no matter what the story behind it.
Money and gift cards can be sold, but so can actual groceries, as I discovered. I stopped at a store near my son's place, once, and bought some basics like milk, cheese, meat, cereal, bread, fruit and juice...and put them away in his fridge myself. I left shortly after, forgot something and returned to find him heading back into the grocery store to get back whatever money he could for those groceries.
This doesn't mean we should never help, and I know it's very hard to think of our kids, even adult kids, as hungry. It just means that we shold be aware that the food doesn't always make it to the table.
Prayers going out for your daughter, longview, that she finds a better path soon.
Hugs from one mom to another
Money and gift cards can be sold, but so can actual groceries, as I discovered. I stopped at a store near my son's place, once, and bought some basics like milk, cheese, meat, cereal, bread, fruit and juice...and put them away in his fridge myself. I left shortly after, forgot something and returned to find him heading back into the grocery store to get back whatever money he could for those groceries.
This doesn't mean we should never help, and I know it's very hard to think of our kids, even adult kids, as hungry. It just means that we shold be aware that the food doesn't always make it to the table.
Prayers going out for your daughter, longview, that she finds a better path soon.
Hugs from one mom to another
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