Denial
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NOVA
Posts: 49
Denial
How the saga began...
Tuesday (Feb 3rd) - I recently made a financial decision to get a loan without my AH knowledge. I kept it to myself because my AH is ALWAYS calulating ways to add more on me to benefit himself. I've heard it before "lets get a couple hundred more to take care of these other bills too!". Been there, done that, and never get any help from him to repay the loans. I contemplated keeping it to myself, but it was easier to tell the truth; so I did. He seemed happy and commended me on getting the loan. Wednesday night...
Wednesday - 8PM, my AH came home with an attitude. He had the day off from work; not good, they spiral downward into an all day drink-fest. During those times he drinks, thinks and ponders, which results in a bad evening for me. By the end of the night I'm berated and verbally abused for all the wrongs done to him by me and others - past, present, and anticipated future wrongs. As he entered the house I spoke cheerfully hoping for the best, but it was not received. The first words out of his mouth were "we have a problem, you don't seem to know how to communicate with me anymore". Remember the personal loan? From that point on he lit into me about everything under the sun for what seemed like hours. At one point he got very close in my face being verbally abusive so I said "back off or I'll call the police". Of course that pissed him off even more so he dared me and said .."go ahead, call them". But I didn't. He backed away. Shortly there after he left the house (still bitchin' out the door) and came back late that night.
Thursday - 2AM I'm awaken. "Bam, bam, bam!" at my front door followed by the doorbell ringing. I looked out of the window thinking it may be my AH locked out. the cars were parked so I assumed he was around the house. At second glance I realized it was the police. Never a good sign. I went back to bed hoping this was a bad dream. My stomach was in nervous knots and I was not going to answer the door. To my surprise he answers the interior door and talked to them through the locked storm door. The police asked specific questions that pointed straight to him, but he denied everything. They wouldn't leave so he pulls me in the mix. He walks into our bedroom, flops the light switch on, and insist I talk to the them and LIE about who he is. But I wasn't allowed to go to the door he insisted I talk to them through the bedroom window. He's paranoia had set in so he was convinced that if I opened the door they were going to arrest him. He was compeletly out of control!!! So, I opened the window and they asked that I come to the door. Since I wasn't being allowed to do that I continued to talk through the window. There was lots of drama in between that made for a very long night...eventually they left. BUT before the police left they made a point of telling me that the person who sent them was (allegedly) his "girlfriend". You already know he DENIED that too. He's completely cluless of the charges and denies knowing anyone by said name.
Tuesday (Feb 3rd) - I recently made a financial decision to get a loan without my AH knowledge. I kept it to myself because my AH is ALWAYS calulating ways to add more on me to benefit himself. I've heard it before "lets get a couple hundred more to take care of these other bills too!". Been there, done that, and never get any help from him to repay the loans. I contemplated keeping it to myself, but it was easier to tell the truth; so I did. He seemed happy and commended me on getting the loan. Wednesday night...
Wednesday - 8PM, my AH came home with an attitude. He had the day off from work; not good, they spiral downward into an all day drink-fest. During those times he drinks, thinks and ponders, which results in a bad evening for me. By the end of the night I'm berated and verbally abused for all the wrongs done to him by me and others - past, present, and anticipated future wrongs. As he entered the house I spoke cheerfully hoping for the best, but it was not received. The first words out of his mouth were "we have a problem, you don't seem to know how to communicate with me anymore". Remember the personal loan? From that point on he lit into me about everything under the sun for what seemed like hours. At one point he got very close in my face being verbally abusive so I said "back off or I'll call the police". Of course that pissed him off even more so he dared me and said .."go ahead, call them". But I didn't. He backed away. Shortly there after he left the house (still bitchin' out the door) and came back late that night.
Thursday - 2AM I'm awaken. "Bam, bam, bam!" at my front door followed by the doorbell ringing. I looked out of the window thinking it may be my AH locked out. the cars were parked so I assumed he was around the house. At second glance I realized it was the police. Never a good sign. I went back to bed hoping this was a bad dream. My stomach was in nervous knots and I was not going to answer the door. To my surprise he answers the interior door and talked to them through the locked storm door. The police asked specific questions that pointed straight to him, but he denied everything. They wouldn't leave so he pulls me in the mix. He walks into our bedroom, flops the light switch on, and insist I talk to the them and LIE about who he is. But I wasn't allowed to go to the door he insisted I talk to them through the bedroom window. He's paranoia had set in so he was convinced that if I opened the door they were going to arrest him. He was compeletly out of control!!! So, I opened the window and they asked that I come to the door. Since I wasn't being allowed to do that I continued to talk through the window. There was lots of drama in between that made for a very long night...eventually they left. BUT before the police left they made a point of telling me that the person who sent them was (allegedly) his "girlfriend". You already know he DENIED that too. He's completely cluless of the charges and denies knowing anyone by said name.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
mtr,
Sounds like you SHOULD tack on some extra money to that loan -- to get yourself out of a situation that's going to get you physically abused, arrested for lying to the police, to the doctor with a sexually-transmitted disease, or stress-caused cancer.
Our denial can sometimes cause damage that will never go away. Please protect yourself.
Sounds like you SHOULD tack on some extra money to that loan -- to get yourself out of a situation that's going to get you physically abused, arrested for lying to the police, to the doctor with a sexually-transmitted disease, or stress-caused cancer.
Our denial can sometimes cause damage that will never go away. Please protect yourself.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
mtr, where is your power in this? Your basic self-autonomy?
Why did you let AH set the terms of your interaction with the police? Couldn't you have refused to talk to the police (from the window) until he let you go to the front (or around the back if he was so scared of being arrested)? This is scary because you don't even know what he did to bring the police all the way to his front door. What if it was drinking and driving? What if he hit someone? Yet you obeyed him and helped him to get away with what may be been a serious crime.
I'm not trying to guilt-trip you; just give you some food for thought. It seems to me last night AH used you as a shield from the consequences of his own behavior. I agree with the others - really start thinking about protecting yourself, and not just physically.
Why did you let AH set the terms of your interaction with the police? Couldn't you have refused to talk to the police (from the window) until he let you go to the front (or around the back if he was so scared of being arrested)? This is scary because you don't even know what he did to bring the police all the way to his front door. What if it was drinking and driving? What if he hit someone? Yet you obeyed him and helped him to get away with what may be been a serious crime.
I'm not trying to guilt-trip you; just give you some food for thought. It seems to me last night AH used you as a shield from the consequences of his own behavior. I agree with the others - really start thinking about protecting yourself, and not just physically.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by dothi 
[COLOR="DarkRed"]This is scary because you don't even know what he did to bring the police all the way to his front door.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NOVA
Posts: 49
I appreciate all the wise words and hard knocks upside my head.
Dreamer999: I have been in denial; for too long.
avilhead & dothi: You're right, I did allow him to have to power over me. In the moment I couldn't even think straight. But I need to figure it out real soon.
Barbara52: I'm moving as fast as I can toward feeling safe and protecting myself.
GiveLove: Thanks for the wake-up call regarding my personal health.
Dreamer999: I have been in denial; for too long.
avilhead & dothi: You're right, I did allow him to have to power over me. In the moment I couldn't even think straight. But I need to figure it out real soon.
Barbara52: I'm moving as fast as I can toward feeling safe and protecting myself.
GiveLove: Thanks for the wake-up call regarding my personal health.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
hugs, (((mtr)))
I know I can't even find my head with my own two hands when I'm shook out of bed in the middle of the night. I'm glad you're working your way toward a better life. No one should have to live like this.
I know I can't even find my head with my own two hands when I'm shook out of bed in the middle of the night. I'm glad you're working your way toward a better life. No one should have to live like this.
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Definately a wake up call (in more ways than one)!
Take care of you, please! Keep money in an account that he doesn't know about or can't axcess so you can get away if you need to.
keep posting! keep educating yourself about this disease. It is progressive and will get worse.
Take care of you, please! Keep money in an account that he doesn't know about or can't axcess so you can get away if you need to.
keep posting! keep educating yourself about this disease. It is progressive and will get worse.
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