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New day... New start

Old 02-05-2009, 01:01 AM
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New day... New start

The last week hasn't been the best.
I posted about my flatmate (roommate) not paying the rent --- got through it without drink.
I'm going away for 2wks so wont be able to check in here ---- hopefully will get through it without drink.... As i'm writing that im thinking WITHOUT DRINK. There should be NO hopefully in it.
Because im going away, ive had to move out of my flat before i go so thats today...

Now i get to make a choice.... A new part of my life starts here. I have the perfect opportunity to start afresh... no drink in my life... no one knows me or the things ive done.
Then why am i still thinking i need a drink to get me through this?

This should be a good day.
I did well yesterday. I went into my local pub (first visit since stopped, nearly 3wks) to say goodbye to people i know.
Some were impressed im not drinking others grilled me.
Is this a health kick?
What are you doing?
How long for?
Is this forever...yeah right?
My answer was no, this is just for now...
not today, not tomorrow, just for now. I can only live in the now at the moment.
But i didn't drink... I sat there for nearly an hour, my heart pounding the whole time. watching each time they took a drink and sipping my lemonade.
I made it....Im stronger than i think...

But my brain still keeps telling me i can drink occasionally.. i know i cant... i dont know if i can fight this constant battle... im beginning to get worn down.

Why is my brain still constantly making excuses for me to be able to drink?...

Sorry for the vent...

Be well
louis
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:34 AM
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Why is my brain still constantly making excuses for me to be able to drink?...
hi louis,.............because you are suffering from a disease that will try to tell you every day you dont have it. If I were you I would give the bars a miss for a while. If you keep going in to the barber shop you will eventually get a hair cut.
It does not matter where you are going because you are taking Louis with you, we hurt ourselves the most when we drink , so we need to get sober for ourselves first otherwise it does not last.
I hope all goes well for you and you get plenty of support where ever you are going. I could not do this alone, it had to be "we" instead of I for me. My way failed so many times. take care and happy travels
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Old 02-05-2009, 02:23 AM
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First congrats on not drinking. I have not been in a bar since I quit and since that is the only place that I did my drinking I have not had the desire to pick up.
Like you I know if I have the first one it is all over so be strong.
It is definitely a good idea to avoid the bars until you get stronger. Some people would say to avoid them forever.
Keep at it. You have been through a lot of hard things sober and you are doing real well.
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Old 02-05-2009, 03:51 AM
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A new part of my life starts here.
Hi louis, I feel for your struggle. You're right about a new life, sobriety will give you a life better than anything you can probably imagine right now. Well, that's how it's been for me.

Have you been to any AA meetings? It makes it somehow easier when you know you're not doing this alone.

Congrats on your clean time. You can do it.
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:28 AM
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Focusing on the here and now is not easy, but it really helps.

I'm glad you're here.
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Old 02-05-2009, 04:43 AM
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Just don't be stupid like I was. Over six months sober and medicated my anxiety with a bottle of wine. Stupid stupid. Now I'm back on the wagon on day 12 and still regretting my stupid slip.

I'm glad you are staying sober. It sure beats drinking.

:ghug3
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Old 02-05-2009, 05:47 AM
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YOU ARE STRONG!
Good for you!

Stay strong & your right this is a new day, another sober day for us!
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Old 02-05-2009, 06:12 AM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Just don't be stupid like I was. Over six months sober and medicated my anxiety with a bottle of wine. Stupid stupid. Now I'm back on the wagon on day 12 and still regretting my stupid slip.

I'm glad you are staying sober. It sure beats drinking.

:ghug3
Least. Stop beating yourself up. Celebrate your 12 days. You are a big inspiration for all of us and your small slip has been a big lesson for me how vulnerable we all are. Pat yourself on the back for all you have done here.
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Old 02-05-2009, 06:30 AM
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Thank you.
I really appeciate your thoughts and kind words.
I have found a meeting on thrusday and friday down at my mums (where im visiting for 2wks).. so will pop in there.
I think im just going through a bit of a wobble and am scared with the moving flats and the debts im gonna have through my flat mate.
The debts i will deal with when they come.
The scared, I just need to deal with.

Thank you again and see you in 2wks (wont be able to get online til i get back).

Be well
louis
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Old 02-05-2009, 06:48 AM
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Hey Louis!

First, I'm PROUD of you! All the "whys" in your thread is summed up with "YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC", friend! Until I fully got that in my thick skull and conceded to my innermost self that I AM alcoholic.... I struggled severely with the thoughts that you're having... It's the nature of the beast!

You know you're not alone here but what do you have lined up for the 2 weeks you're not with us? Alcoholics Anonymous is everywhere, everyday, sometimes multiple times daily depending where you're at. Spiritual program - NOT RELIGIOUS! The main ingredient in an AA meeting is "one alcoholic talking to another"....

I, too, am at the 3 week mark (today).... My head has been swimming with the sharks in a pool of alcohol! I'm vulnerable severely right now as I never seem to make it very far at this time-frame with sobriety. I've up'd my mtgs and "busyness" in my life, gathering a bit more support around me (my son who passed away, it's his B-day month to boot) as I recognize this is not a "safe" place in my head, heart & life right now!

A brand spanking new fresh start -- starts right now for you, Louis! Take care of yourself and find that place in your heart of hearts that tells you that you can't do this alone and you need contact with other alcoholics. We are not uni-unique. We are simply alcoholics and not just on this website but worldwide -- everywhere!!! Wishing you lots of HOPE and love on your new journey! xoxoxo

:ghug3:ghug
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:28 AM
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Hi Louia. Congratulations on going into that pub and not drinking. I don't think I could have managed that with the 3 weeks under my belt. I am lucky in that I don't have many open invitations to drink any more. I am not sure how I would have handled it earlier, but now I can say I would probably be fine.

As far as your mind making excuses as to why you should be able to drink, we like to call that the disease that's speaking. It would love us to drink again and drown ourselves in it, but the further you go without drinking the stronger your own voice becomes. You find you do deserve to live and to live happily and freely. Our addiction will always be with us, but we gain tools along the way to ignore the voice and the voice doesn't stay as long either.

Keep us posted on your move! You WILL be fine!!
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:50 AM
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Have a wonderful Holiday, Louis!
You've already shown how tough you are by having your lemonade while your mates did their thing in the pub.
The opportunity to have a holiday with your parents--sober!--is something I look forward to.
With them living a few states away, and me only going home for weddings, reunions and the like--I doubt they know what I'm like sober anymore. Can't wait to show them!
Travel safe, and stay strong.
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Old 02-05-2009, 08:42 AM
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Hi Louis,
If you are still there (I hope) you can check out the local library if you can't get your hands on a computer. Many libraries have computers for the public to use so you can stay in touch with us. Good luck!
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Old 02-05-2009, 08:48 AM
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Ditto what everyone said about the disease speaking. It does speak. I look at it this way: I created a habit, drinking. It became a non-logical, impulsive urge that came from a part of my brain that steers mindless behavior, not logical action. The habit became ingrained in everything I thought and did. Even now, when I have made the logical choice not to drink, those automatic thoughts are still coming from that part of my brain.

We all battle with it, Every day. Mindless impulse versus logical thought.
Just don't take that first drink!
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Old 02-05-2009, 08:54 AM
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Louis,
I'm struggling with those voices as well, on day 8. but I know I'm only fooling myself. AA gave me the feeling that I have someone to answer to. Myself. I need to drag myself to a meeting this weekend as well. GOOD LUCK! Take care of yourself! Do it for you!
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